Day 629: The Birth Experience – Wolf Moon

So, this is my final post about our birth experience. Hurray! Right? Lol. I know… I’ve been prattling on. But don’t worry; this one is going to be pretty loose.

Since having Grayson and Serena becoming a certified labor doula I have learned more about childbirth than any man should. Honestly… I know way too much… I thought I had filled every nook and cranny of my brain with useless TV and Movie trivia knowledge… apparently I didn’t.

The hilarious part about childbirth is that it’s nothing like they show in the movie… or television. Well, unless you’re watching Grey’s Anatomy where they cut out every baby. Anyway, I digress. You know what I’m talking about. Every time someone is ready to give birth on a television show or movieits the same thing every time: “Oh! Honey, my water just broke, it’s time to go to the hospital.” Folks… this isn’t normal. Only about 8 to 10 percent of women have their water break prior to labor actually beginning. So, the idea of Serena’s water breaking was the farthest thing from our collective mind. It’s just so darn rare… well… unless you’re an actress… or it’s the “Wolf Moon”.

The Wolf Moon is the nickname for January’s full moon… and it also marks the moment each year when the moon is closest to the Earth physically. Well, apparently, the Wolf Moon is also known for sending women into labor Hollywood style. Serena’s water broke before labor started. And once it broke? Woo baby… labor started.

I for one would call something like the “Wolf Moon” hog wash… however, over the three day weekend of the Wolf Moon, the maternity ward at St. John and Lizzies Hospital filled up. I believe they had close to 10 births that weekend… and all 10 moms started labor due to their water breaking. For a birthing unit which normally delivers one baby every day and a half… 10 is a lot… and due to their starting patterns seem like much more than a coincidence. It’s spooky!

Hmmm…

Day 627: The Birth Experience - House Calls

The most interesting experiences regarding Serena’s birth in London were the house calls made by trained midwives after we went home.

I remember one of the most annoying and nerve racking thing associated with Grayson’s birth, after leaving Northside, were the multitude of doctor’s visits. It seemed like every few days we had to pack-up the whole family, drive to the doctor’s office, sit in the waiting room for about an hour, only to spend enough time with the doctor to hear the worlds, “everyone looks great!” It’s a waste of time and energy if you ask me.

Now, although Gilliam isn’t a British subject, he does have a British Healthcare number. So, when Gilliam’s birth was registered by the Hospital, he was immediately put into the system, which meant healthcare would come to us, rather than us going to healthcare.

St. John and Lizzies handed off our file to another hospital, which was geographically closer to our apartment. At which point, the new hospital’s roving midwives were now responsible for us.

About a day after we returned home, Serena received a call from Roberto, our assigned midwife. And yes… you heard me correctly… his name was Roberto. Comically, when Serena first talked to him she thought he said “Roberta”… and took note of “her” rather deep voice. When Roberto arrived in our apartment for the first time it completely threw Serena off. She had complete programmed herself to expect a woman. Who would have thought otherwise?

Anyway, I never met Roberto, but Serena loved him. Smart, funny, helpful. And the whole idea of having a midwife visit us at home is so novel that we can’t criticize or complain.

Two thumbs up for house calls!

Day 622: The Birth Experience – Northside Picture Time

When I started blogging about our birth experience I had complete forgotten about this story. Serena reminded me. I guess this was my first official protective fatherly moment. When Serena reminded me, she was like, “You were pissed… don’t you remember? You went to the nurse’s station and demanded to see the head nurse?”

Slowly it all came back to me: The Northside picture guy. I think I destroyed this guy. And I don’t feel bad about it.

First, I need to put this into context. Remember my previous post about Creep-Monkey and the incessant interruptions of our sleeping time-bliss propagated by the Northside Nurses? Well… it’s safe to say we were tired… and a bit punchy. But still. This guy had no excuse for what he did and deserved the throttling he got.

After our first sleepless night and surviving our assigned and extremely rude nighttime nurse, Serena and I requested limited interruptions for our first full day in Northside’s Post Partum wing. That afternoon, after Serena and Gray finally fell asleep… and I got hungry. So I got up, closed the door behind me, and headed down to the Hospital’s McDonald franchisee. When I returned, I found the door to our room wide open and I remember thinking, “Great, another nursing visit.” When I walked in, I found a short little man holding a camera pushing on Serena’s shoulder saying, “miss, miss… you need to wake up.”

After being reminded of this incident, I remember this event exactly how it went down… I can replay the event in my head. I arrived just as this guy was successful in his mission… Serena was just lifting her head and trying to focus her eyes. I broke into the scene, “what’s going on?”

The guy flinched a bit. I surprised him. But he quickly said, “I need to take pictures of the baby.”

Serena and I looked at each other. I said, “It has to be done now? She was sleeping. You just woke her up.”

The guy was very scattered and was trying to direct Serena on how to hold the baby… but she was still out of it. Evidently, he didn’t feel the need to address my question. So I persisted.

“Wait a minute, what is this picture for? Is this something the Hospital needs? They already took a Polaroid of the baby when he was born… I don’t understand.”

The guy finally stopped what he was doing and looked at me, “No, that was for the hospital, I’m a professional photographer, I’m taking pictures of the baby for you… don’t you want to buy pictures of your baby?”

I believe this is the point where my head spun all the way around and I vomited split-pea soup on the guy. “Get the hell out.” “Excuse me?” “Get the hell out of our room. You walk in unannounced and woke my sleeping wife? For what? So you could sell me pictures of my own baby? Get the hell out of our room now. Who let you in here? Did you even knock? What give you the right to…”

This is when I started walking back down the hall towards the nurses’ station. This is also the time the guy disappeared for good. I never saw him again. And he certainly didn’t try to defend his presence to be with the nurses’ station.

Of course, the nurses were just as helpful as they were regarding food options at 11pm. “Who? I don’t know, I don’t think he works for the hospital, he’s probably a contractor or something.” What really got under my skin is the fact the nurses’ station was on our hall about three rooms away. I know they saw the guy and simply didn’t’ want to take responsibility of the situation. My favorite question from the nurses was, “Did you tell him you weren’t interested?”

Me: “Huh, now that would have been a good idea. Thank you. I guess I should have known before going to get food that some strange guy was going to enter my wife room unannounced intending to take picture of my new born child.”

At this point I put a moratorium on unannounced visitors to our room and spoke with the head nurse about my concerns. “If you want to sell me pictures, sell me pictures, schedule an appointment. But entering a room unannounced and waking up a sleeping mother is unacceptable. Keeping people out of our room isn’t my job, it’s your job.”

I know… harsh. But I didn’t pay for the room upgrade to have an open-door policy.

I can only assume random photographers slip into rooms trying to sell photographs at Northside all the time. It seems very strange. And a security risk.

Day 617: The Birth Experience – Northside Hospital is an Inconsiderate Roommate

So, when I started my studies at the College of Charleston I took a room in Wentworth dorm and I was assigned the world worst roommate. To this day I am confused by our pairing. Apparently, CofC took my “ideal roommate personality” form, plugged the information into a super computer, and lit the computer on fire before throwing it off the top of the Empire State Building. This guy was the complete opposite of who I wanted to share space with. We’ll call him “Creep-Monkey”.

Anyway, Creep-Monkey had the strangest nightly tradition. Without fail, he would go out and get hammered. And then around 2 o’clock in the morning he would come home to our tiny walk-in closet of a dorm room. Struggle to get his keys in the door… normally dropping them multiple times… and when he finally opened the door the first thing he would do is turn the light on. I would normally react by covering my face with a pillow and he would say something unintelligible that kind of sounded like, “Uuu… oh… you asleep?” And then he would just stand there for a minute waiting for a response. The concept of “rhetorical” was lost on him.

Eventually Creep-Monkey would turn the light off. However, he never went to bed. He would sit down at the computer to play solitary and chain smoke for about an hour or two. The combination of the clicking and ashing never lead to a good night’s sleep for yours truly. But there wasn’t much point to going to sleep anyway, someone in the building usually set off the fire alarm by the time Creep-Monkey started exploring the idea of sleep.

Why am I sharing this story with you as part of “The Birth Experience” Series? Well, because my two nights in Northside Hospital’s Post-Partum Unit is the closest thing I’ve experienced to living with Creep-Monkey since college.

Seriously, every 45 minutes to an hour, a nurse would come into our room making zero attempts to keeping her presence unknown. And each time the nurse would purposefully wake Serena or Grayson to perform some “very important” task. They would check Serena’s blood pressure one hour and comeback the next hour to check her temperature. They would come to make sure Grayson had a clean diaper one hour and come back the next hour to make sure he wasn’t hungry. Each hourly visit would be from a different nurse performing a different task. This would go on all night long. And every time they would wheel some monstrous devise into the room just for giggles. I swear they even woke Serena up to make sure she was sleeping okay. I swear! In the end, no one slept at all the first few nights.

And by now… I think you’ve gotten the jist of the story. The folks over at St. John and Lizzies pretty much left us alone from 9pm until 6am, unless Serena activated the call button.

And when they did come… they would sneak into the room quietly to see how she was doing. And they would simply listen to her… never once insisting on performing some “important” task.

Day 616: The Birth Experience – Meals & Beds

Train of thought… derailed!

Man, I can’t believe it’s been 23 days since my last birth experience post. Honestly, there aren’t many left in the queue, so I need to bust these bad boys out!

So, I left off in the middle of talking about hospital food options. If you need a refreshers, click “The Birth Experience” under “labels” to access the whole series. But, in a nut-shell: Northside = terrible options.

However, St. John and Lizzies rocked! No they didn’t have a nice cafeteria or a decent selection of restaurants close by… no… the simply understand one key component of care: healthcare isn’t merely about individuals… it’s about families. The hospital staff treated me and Grayson with as much care and respect as they did Serena and Gilliam. This included three hot meals a day ordered off a menu featuring three to five unique options for each meal, each day.

I was pretty blown away. About an hour after Gilliam was born, around 5:30ish, just before Grayson arrived to the hospital, one of the midwives brought a menu and we quickly ordered enough food for the whole family. Shortly after Grayson arrived and met Gilliam for the first time (which is captured in January’s SchutzHappen’s Family Video) a midwife showed us to our Post Partum room and once again I was blown away.

At Northside we spend the two days after Grayson’s birth in a hospital room… I was sleeping on a fold-out chair built in 1960 designed for Pigmies. Behind the door at St. John and Lizzies, I found a room more resembling a hotel room… complete with a king-sized bed.

Furthermore the food we ordered was delivered shortly after our transition to Post Partum and just before bedtime the midwives appeared with floor mattress for Grayson.

After an incredibly exhausting day, the entire family had full tummies and a cozy place to sleep. Together. The way a family should be.

Day 593: The Birth Experience - Postpartum Meals

Now, besides delivery room experiences, our postpartum experiences at these two hospitals were very different as well.

Grayson was born at 7:17pm, and from that moment on things became a blur. By the time Northside mobilized Serena’s wheel chair pusher and Grayson’s bassinet cart pusher it was getting close to 10pm… and guess what folks? None of us had eaten anything since lunch time.

For those of you who have been to Northside, you probably know about the maze of postpartum wings strung throughout the hospital. I half expected David Bowie waiting for us around each corner. Thank God for the Lo-Jack bracelet around Gray’s ankle. It was almost 11pm by the time we reached the postpartum room and during this journey through the hospital is where we became overcome by hunger. I was almost delirious with a singular focus. I had to eat.

Luckily, for Serena, they had a little late night dinner waiting for her… nothing glamorous or very appetizing for that matter. But after pushing out a baby, Serena took down the food like a champ.

As for me, when I asked the hospital staff about food options they behaved as if they has never been asked the question before muttering, “There is a Café’ and a McDonald’s downstairs… but they closed at 3:30pm.” I stared blankly for a moment waiting for a “but…”, it never came. Finally I asked, “So what do people do when they have babies after 3:30pm?” “Umm… there are some vending machines downstairs.” I hadn’t eaten for almost eleven hours and they directed me to potato chips and candy bars.

Since then, Northside has opened a Morrison’s franchise, which is a tad helpful. It’s open until 7pm, but it’s closed on weekends. I just don’t understand… the hospital is open 24 hours… and it’s one of the busiest in the world… why not have one food option available at all times?

“So, what do you guys do for food while you’re on duty?” “We bring our own food.” Stone walled again. You have to be kidding me! Finally, I talked them into giving me some menus for delivery places they had stashed somewhere… only one of which was open… it was the best cold fatty steak sandwich and undercooked baked potato of my life.

Day 592: The Birth Experience - Gilliam's Birth

With Gilliam’s delivery, things couldn’t have been more different.

First of all, reception doesn’t really exist except during normal business hours when the midwives are seeing patients for regular check-ups. So as soon as we walked directly into the birth unit a midwife was there to show us to our delivery room… which was beautiful.

The room was only lit by a single soft lamp and the light peeking in from around the ends of the drawn curtains. The smell of lavender was in the air, and all we could hear was the pleasant sound of water filling the birth tub.

There were no forms to fill out or questions to answer. Just a baby to deliver.

The midwife, who greeted us, actually stayed with us and ultimately delivered Gilliam… we only saw one face from arrival to delivery.

And as Grayson’s midwife behaved more like a doctor whose sole purpose was to catch the baby; Gilliam’s midwife behaved more like a doula or birthing couch… following Serena around the room on all fours as Serena crawled around finding comfort where she could; all the while encouraging her along the way.

She never once interrupted Serena’s laboring to check for progress or such nonsense. Simple armed with a mirror and a flashlight she would assess the situation on the fly… and when she sensed the birth was imminent, she pulled a sting which cued a second midwife to join us for the big show. And then Gilliam was born.

We all just lay there, on the floor, for a while: Me, Serena, Gilliam, both midwives and our doula Sarah

Then the midwives and the doula excused themselves… and we were left alone as a family for almost an hour and a half. No questions asked.

Day 591: The Birth Experience - Grayson's Delivery, 2

Even though I give Northside a very hard time, Grayson’s birth ended up being exactly what we wanted. But we had to work for it.

I have the feeling most women who deliver at Northside intending to have a natural childbirth end up with some sort of medical or surgical intervention. And I think this trend leads their staff to being very unsupportive regard going natural. Like our nurse, whose attitude wasn’t exactly, “I hate natural births,” was more like, “A natural childbirth? Isn’t that cute… why don’t we go ahead and run an IV for later… just in case… when you fail.” And while their attitude might be a product of the hospitals failure rate… their failure rate is probably directly linked to their unsupportive attitude. It’s very vicious circle.

But, when Serena showed herself as the real deal… our nurse eventually jumped on board. And when it was all over privately congratulated Serena and expressed the honor she felt being a part of such a bad ass birth.

However, shortly after Grayson’s delivery the Northside machine started rolling again. We were handed off to a new set of nurses and we had to sign more waiver forms when we told them we wanted to delay Grayson’s weighing, measuring, and bath so we could bond. We only wanted about an hour. And after meeting with the Hospital’s head nurse we got that hour… but staff did not vacate our room… they watched over us like hawks.

Finally, at the end of the hour, I informed the nurse that we were ready for Grayson’s bath. She gave me a ton of attitude and said, “What, now you want our services?” I calmly said, “Yes, thank you,”… and then complimented her lovely mustache.

But, the damage had been done, in that hour; Grayson had been labeled a “dirty baby” hospital wide.

Day 590: The Birth Experience – Grayson’s Delivery

By the time we arrived at Northside to deliver Grayson, Serena had already been in labor for most of the day, probably around 14 hours. But the day had been very pleasant. We took walks, baths, ate pizza, and most importantly, baked cookies. For some reason, Serena had been obsessed with the idea of baking cookies while in labor to keep her mind focused… and she did… they were some of the best peanut butter cookies I’ve ever had.

I just wish our arrival at Northside has been as pleasant as the rest of our day had been. Frankly, our arrival was very bizarre. Reception behaved as if they had never seen a woman in active labor before. Saying things like “Is she okay?” and “She’s in labor… now?” Comically, in a Hospital that delivers 50+ babies a day, Serena was the only mother-to-be, out of ten in the waiting room, who was in active labor.

And of course, Northside reception did not disappoint. They lost all of our preregistration paper work… “She’s in labor now? Well, we’re going to need her paper work before we can let her deliver.” Seriously folks… I had to fill out all the paper work again, while my wife put on quite the show… probably reaffirming most choices for a scheduled c-section.

When they finally called us back to the very bright and surgical feeling delivery room we found more paperwork waiting with our assigned nurse… and questions… tons of personal questions like, “are you HIV positive” and “are you an IV drug user”… .

Finally, as Serena and the nurse began to argue over fetal heart rate monitors, IV connections, and hospital gowns… Serena bore down on one hell of a contraction and screamed at the nurse, “No cookies for you!”

Day 583: The Birth Experience, Part 8: St. John & Lizzies Doctor Visit

A very notable difference about our birth experience in Atlanta and London is the selection process of doctors. At least in regards to the order in which things are done. In Atlanta, we chose a practice of midwives that matched birthing philosophy, YET, the midwives were practicing at a hospital that didn’t match our philosophy… although we were ultimately successful in our mission, these philosophical difference turned out to be rather counterproductive, which will become more apparent as The Birth Experience continues.

However, in London, we simply picked a hospital that shared our birthing philosophy, and in turn, the hospital staff who shared our philosophy just happened to be part of the deal. A concept, at least for me, seems to be extremely productive.

The relationship between practice and hospital as two separate entities either in tolerance or contention of each other’s methods, as in the States, does not exists since in London these two entities are one in the same.

This relationship became very apparent when, due to our late booking status, the midwives requested we meet with one of the hospitals “Consultant Obstetricians”. First, I should point out the term “Consultant” is given to the highest level of doctors in the UK. Second, doctors of his level abandoned the formalities of white jackets and titles like “Dr. Gupta”. Third, they live up to their position as “consultants” rather than dictators... I mean doctors.

Our consultant actually greeted us in the waiting room and personally took us to his office. Please note my choice of words: “Office”. Not, examination room, but “office”. Although there were some examination equipment present in his office. We all sat, talked and got to know each other. The consultant took a very quick history of Serena’s first successful birth, listened to Gilliam’s heart beat, and assured Serena she would be very happy and have a very successful second birth no matter how she chose to deliver.

Most importantly, the consultant answered Serena’s 100 million dollar question beautifully. At the time, Gilliam was not in the correct position… so Serena threw out a question regarding hospital policy and breach births. Since most medical schools, in the States, no longer teach more complicated natural childbirth techniques, breach births and delivery of twins almost always end in c-sections, and hospitals are pretty up front about their opinions in the matter.

But, rather than visiting that topic directly, our consultant first listed all the various options and techniques that can be used in aiding a more complicated health delivery, both naturally and surgically. He admitted that the hospitals stance on the issue was that of a c-section, but he also noted his personal feelings on the matter was not in line with the hospital boards… and basically told us that it was our birth and that we had complete and total control over it. If Gilliam progressed as a breach baby (which he wasn’t) the hospital would in no way force her to have a c-section since all of their staff is also trained on alternative natural delivery methods.

In the end, Serena walked away very happy and confident… and the experience of meeting the consultant was one of the most refreshing medical experiences of my life.

Second, or course, to my wisdom teeth extraction fiasco… which is another story for another time.

Day 582: The Birth Experience, Part 7: St. John & Lizzies Hospital Tour

Now, as this story continues to drag on worse than a James Cameron film, you’ll find our experiences with St. John and Lizzies, in London, was the polar opposite than that in Atlanta. The first, remarkable difference was the hospital tour. It was actually conducted by one of the hospital’s midwives, rather than “The Love Boats” own Julie McCoy.

And of course, the tone of the tour was completely different since the woman giving the tour was also one of the women who actually deliver the babies. Completely intuitive to our desires, she guided us through the various services at our disposal in the delivery room. She showed us not only the bed, but also the birthing tub, the floor mats, and the enormous beanbag pillows. Our “tour guide” never once made an assumption as to how Serena would give birth, but simply focused on her options, always adding the phrase, “which ever you prefer,” to her sentences. Furthermore, the midwives reminded us to call ahead when we were on our way so they could fill the birth tub just in case and also introduced us to their aroma theory and music options. The tour was a very welcome change.

Also worth noting was the absence of IV trees or fetal heart rate monitors in the delivery rooms… at least from what I noticed.

Day 580: The Birth Experience, Part 6: Atlanta and the Northside Tour

Continuing our saga, by the time Serena moved back to Atlanta, she knew she wanted a 100% unmediated natural childbirth. So, from the moment of her arrival, it became very important for us to start putting our team together. For our first round draft pick we needed a doctor… or rather a midwife. And Serena quickly identified a practice of midwives that fit our team perfectly. Plus, the practice was co-founded by one of the best natural childbirth OB’s in the Atlanta area. In short, we were in very good hands.

One very humorous fact about this practice is their main client base. As a result of their dedication to natural childbirth, they mainly serve the Latin community in Atlanta and when attending appointments it was not abnormal for us to be the only folks who spoke English in the waiting room. This Latin Natural Birth connection would be an interesting sociological study.

Anyway, the practice was perfect except for one issue. They only had hospital rights at Northside. And although we had heard rumors about Northside, it wasn’t until our hospital tour that we realized what we were walking into. The tour was very, how shall I put it?… rehearsed. “Rehearsed” is a good way to describe it. If you can imagine a cruise ship activates coordinator giving a tour of a hospital then you will have a clear picture of what it was like.

Furthermore, the tour was not really about what the hospital had to offer us, the patient, or rather, the paying customer… it was more like a class in the Northside way of childbirth. Masked under an overly perky delivery, the tour was very direct in its specifics, “You will go here… we will do this… you will lay here… so we can do this…” No, they were setting the tone of authority and how they wanted to handle it. There was no other option than laying on your back, with an IV in your arm, hooked up to a fetal monitor, with theatre lights shining in your face. The post birth portion of the tour relied heavily on, “this is where we’ll take your baby while you rest” and “these are the things we’ll do to the baby after the birth.” There was never a tone of, “If you wish, we can do this or that because it’s your birth.”

There was also quite a lengthy presentation on pain management options. At one point the guide asked if anyone was planning a scheduled c-section… we were the only couple without a raised hand. The experience was very odd and personally, it led me to start asking the same questions Serena had been researching for months and ultimately I jump on her band wagon… if we were going to have the kind of birth Serena wanted… we were going to work for it.

Day 578: The Birth Experience, Part 5: Naming the Next Leaders of Our Fine Land

People often ask me, “how did you come up with the names Grayson and Gilliam? Are they family names? What is the significance?” Well, as all Schutz Happenings, it’s a bit of a long story.

With Grayson, it all started with his middle name: Oliver. Oliver Bounds was my mother’s father. He was one heck of a guy, great sense of humor, and loved his grandchildren (all 25+ of them). For some reason, a long time ago, I became fixated with naming my future son, Oliver. When Serena got pregnant, I expressed this wish and, although it wasn’t her first choice, Oliver quickly became slated as our boy’s middle name. From there, the quest for a first name began, which wasn’t easy. We actually picked our girls name very quickly: Gracie Rene… but we just couldn’t seem to figure out a first name that flowed with Oliver… and that flow was very important to us… his name had to roll off our tongues. And… we just couldn’t seem to find anything we liked. So we turned to the name we loved, “Gracie”… and started dreaming up male variations. Every variation imaginable except for Grayson… then FINALLY, a few days before Gray’s gender ultrasound Serena woke up with an idea. She woke me from my slumber, “Huh, what?” She looked at my dead in the eye, “Grayson”. I thought for a second and said it out loud, “Grayson Oliver.” I smiled, “it’s perfect.” A few days later, I wasn’t able to attend the ultrasound, but when Serena called to reveal the results she said, “We’re having a Grayson.” I was ecstatic.

In the end, I loved having Grayson’s name picked out so early. I know some people like to wait… or feel the need to see the baby in order to pick out a name… but I think a name is a much deeper and personal thing… as a father, not having the emotional connection of actually carrying the baby, having the name gave me something to bond with as I prepared to become a father. When Grayson was finally born, it wasn’t like, “Oh my God, I’m a father now, and I must name you. We will call you Grayson.” No, it was more like, “Grayson, it is so wonderful to finally get to hold you.” Watching Serena call him by name seconds after he was born was a beautiful moment that I will never forget.

So, with Gilliam… I really felt it was important, Grayson and I, to have a name pick out prior to the gender ultrasound again, so we could start bonding with a name. And we almost didn’t make it. In fact, we didn’t have any names picked out in time for Serena’s first gender ultrasound… luckily it was inconclusive, and as a result we became convinced we were having a girl. But, to this day, we still haven’t agreed on a girl’s name… so thank God we had a boy… but we still cut it close with Gilly, picking out his name just a couple days before his second ultrasound.

Now, to begin with a boy we decided to go the same route as Grayson Oliver, by picking a family name as his middle name and then something a bit more unique as a first name. So, in the spirit of “Oliver” we started by looking at the other three great-grandfathers: Finas, Vernon, and Wilbert… umm… er… huh… When that didn’t work out, we decided to see if these three fine gentlemen had kickin’ middle names: Finas Garland, Vernon Ferdinand, and Wilbert James.

Yes, you didn’t read that incorrectly, my father’s father was named Vernon Ferdinand. Ferdinand is a Schutz family name… apparently… which I might wish to revisit if we have a third boy at some point… but for now… we were not prepared to name our child “Ferdinand”.

Plus, to my grandfather’s credit, when he was confirmed he took the name St. James, and quickly adopted James as his new middle name dropping Ferdinand forever. Incidentally, my brother and I discovered this only a few years ago while researching our family tree. The farther we went back, we lost track of our grandfather in the census records, but we had found an entry for Vernon F. Schutz a couple times… this mystery last about a year and finally, around the tenth time we had this confusing conversation about “Vernon F.” in the presence of our father, he finally chimed in, “Vernon F.? That’s my dad. You didn’t know his real middle name was Ferdinand?” .

Anyway, back to Gilliam. Since, essentially, two of Gilliam’s great-grandfather’s had James has their middle names… plus his grandfathers are named Wilbert James, V and Vernon James, Jr… AND the fact that my brother’s name is James Edward and Serena’s brother is Wilbert James, VI… “James” quickly became the front runner as our useable family name… so, now it was a question of a proper first name.

But what? We tried every name known to man… and honestly, I was pushing for “Drake”. Why “Drake”? Well simple: when Dick Grayson stopped working with Batman to become Nightwing, Timothy Drake took over the vacant role as Robin. We could have two Robbins! Brilliant! But, I am sure you’ve already figured out how that conversation went.

Anyway, we finally found the name Gilliam, oddly enough, while watching Adam Sandler’s “Bedtime Stories”… and we both like the name: “Gilliam James”… it certainly flowed… and then a couple days later… the gender ultrasound. It’s a boy!

Guess what Grayson? We’re having a Gilliam. And he was ecstatic.

Day 577: The Birth Experience, Part 4: Health Insurance

When we walked away from our physician in Nashville it didn’t make much sense for Serena to find another doctor there… only to leave a couple months later to move to Atlanta. So, the decision was made to push up her move… which lead to a certain amount of complications.

You see, Serena and I were not legally married at the time, so when she left her job in Nashville she would also be walking away from her health insurance… pregnant… without any health insurance. Our original plan was for Serena to stay in Nashville until around Christmas time, at which time we would float her Cobra insurance for a month or two until she had Grayson. But, when we pushed up her move from December to September, the out of pocket cost for Cobra was simply too much. We could float a month or two… but not five or six months.

We weighed our options and decided to move forward with the move without insurance.

But, for fun, I decided to challenge my insurance provider a little with a very pointed phone call. First, I ask what kind of coverage Serena would get if we got married right away. They informed me she would get full coverage except for the pregnancy. “You won’t cover the pregnancy?” “No, sir, the pregnancy is a preexisting condition.” WHAT? You have to be kidding me.

Composure. Time for some fun.

“Okay, then I would like to just cover the baby.”

“Once the baby is born you can submit---“

“No, I would like to cover the baby now, can you help me add him to my policy.”

“Sir, we cannot add the baby to your policy until it is born.”

“Why?”

“We can’t cover the baby until the baby is alive.” The woman on the phone actually used the word “alive”… with was very unfortunate for her.

“But he is alive.”

“Sir, but your child has not been born.”

“Sure, but we can’t have an abortion either. The United States Government considers my baby a life, why aren’t you? Since he is a life, I am his father, born or not, and I wish to cover him with my insurance.”

I know, I know… this is a very brutal argument… but I do feel very strongly about this issue. As a society, if we are going to take the time to define when a life begins, that decision should be binding. If a life begins before birth, then dang it, insurance companies should honor the unborn child as a dependent.

In the end?

“Sir, we do not consider your baby to be alive until it has been born.”

“Does the birth need to be vaginally or c-section?” (That’s right! I ended on one last dig!)

So, the big question is this… what was I trying to accomplish by my challenge? In a perfect world… a utopian world that only exists in my mind, Blue Cross/Blue Shield would have offered to cover Grayson’s birth, which means, by default they would cover Serena only for the birth… but under one very harsh condition:

I would sign a promissory note. After the birth a paternity test would be performed. If for whatever reason Grayson was not mine, I would becomes responsible for all birth expenses. And of course, when the paternity test determines Grayson is mine, BC/BS would take care of everything as they should.

Anyway, if you haven’t glazed over by now and aren’t drooling on your keyboards, I bet you are wondering what happened next. Well, since Serena was pregnant, unmarried and unemployed when she moved to Atlanta she qualified for Medicaid. Seriously… but that only lasted for a couple months and it helped up bridge the gap. Ultimately, through the temp agency Serena was working for, she was offered a permanent part-time position. Serena demanded the guy wanting to hire her pay for her Cobra insurance (on top of her hourly wage). He agreed. I was amazed.

Day 571: The Birth Experience, Part 3: The 1st OB Doctor

Throughout the journey, our experience with OB’s has been both good and bad. The fact our first experience was so bad is probably why we are so opinionated about this subject today. But, at the same time it is very hard to vilify our first OB, I am sure she is very nice… and probably an excellent physician… but we wouldn’t really know since we barely ever got any time with her… and when she was around we were convinced she had some sort of social disorder which didn’t allow her to volunteer information or exhibit signs of tenderness.

The lack of these two traits became a very big deal with us.

When we first found out we were pregnant with Grayson, Serena was still working in Nashville. We ultimate had plans for her to move to Atlanta and have the baby, but for the time being she was going to stay in Nashville. She had only been in Nashville for a couple months and being new to the town she trusted her primary care physician and made an appointment with the referred OB. We’ll call her, Dr. Sourpuss.

At the time we were rocking the long-distance relationship and I rearranged my schedule and drove up from Atlanta for the appointment… which proved to be incredible disappointing.

After being relegated to the waiting room for two hours we were finally called to an examination room where we waited another thirty minutes. When the doctor arrived she quickly introduced herself, confirmed the due date, listened to Grayson heartbeat, wrote a prescription for prenatal vitamins, took a breath, and asked, “do you have any questions?” The whole scene went down so quickly, Serena was stunned to silence when the doctors question escaped her lips. After the fact Serena was like, “Do I have any questions? Of course I have questions, but where the hell do I even begin.” But in the situation, I don’t remember Serena having a question. But, what I do remember is the doctor asking about Serena’s thoughts about preferred method of delivery… when the doctor started going through the options, she led with “scheduled c-section.” That I remember.

Being our first visit to the office we believed the excuses the nurses were giving us… after all is you’re a baby doctor, people are very forgiving when you say the doctor is late because she is delivering a baby. And if she really was at a birth and tired, as we justified, we forgave her cold gruffness. But, in reality, we didn’t catch her on a bad day. Serena was consistently scheduled for appoints that wouldn’t actually start for hours… and Dr. Sourpuss was never any help when it came to Serena’s questions and concerns.

Serena quickly realized if she really wanted to know what was going on with her body, she was going to have to do the research herself, and rather than following blindly, we began to question.

What we found out was the following:

There seem to be two very different opposing views regarding childbirth.

1. Childbirth is something that is perfectly natural and women have been doing it successfully for years without assistance… so let’s keep medical intervention to a minimum.

2. Childbirth is an illness that should be dealt with through surgical means.

Now, Serena and I of course lean towards option one, but we also recognize the advances and benefits surgical methods have given to childbirth… especially when it comes to lowering the mortality rates of both mother and baby. We understand that birth can get complicated. But, we also feel that society has become too reliant on these surgical means. We choose to have our babies at birth centers associated with hospitals just in case. And thankfully, we haven’t needed to tap into those services. But, just because we are at a hospital doesn’t mean we need to have their surgical services shoved down our throat either.

Anyway, in the end Serena made the decision that she wanted to have a natural childbirth with Grayson and in order to do that, we also recognized Dr. Sourpuss would not be able to give us the kind of support in this decision as we needed. So… it became time to move on… earlier than anticipated.

Day 568: The Birth Experience, Part 2: The Hospitals

First, I should explain the London Hospital, St. John and Elizabeth’s, is not public, it is private. The UK actually has a dual system. Not unlike our education system in the States, there are public schools which guarantee everyone a certain level of education, and then there are private schools which offer more enhanced and/or targeted services for those who have the means and desire. In short, if you are going to pay for your child to go to a private school you would also expect the private school to provide a standard that exceeds what you would get for free. Private healthcare providers in the UK understand and follow this model. I can only assume that St. John and Elizabeth’s exceeds what you can get from the public option, but it also far exceeds what you can get from the private options in the States… at least what we experienced with Grayson at Northside Hospital in Atlanta, aka, “The Baby Factory”.

Northside Hospital does, on average, over 50 births a day. At the close of 2005 Northside made national headlines for breaking the world record for the number of total births in one calendar year by a single hospital… the total was 18,331 births. Yet, strangely enough, just one month and ten days after breaking this record, when we arrived to Northside to have Grayson, we were assigned a nurse who had only attended one, previous, 100% unmediated natural, child birth.

To this day, I still find the ratios astounding. Northside has a 38.3% c-section rate and what, with a nurse at the busiest birthing hospital in the world having only attended one natural birth in her career I can only assume what Northsides natural v. medicated ratios are.

Now, I am not saying that St. John and Lizzy’s (as the locals call it) doesn’t do medicated births or c-sections, the birth center is attached to a hospital after all. But as you will discover over the course of my posts, the two hospitals behaved is complete different ways regarding implementation of policy in association with the wishes of the parents.

After all, women were having babies well before the invention of the “hospital”, right?

Day 566: The Birth Experience, Part 1

We had a myriad of strange reactions when we told people we wanted to have Gilliam in London rather than the States. Honestly, there were two key facts that laid the groundwork for our decision:

1) Serena hates flying transcontinental… and coupled with the fact that she would have to go by herself, 8 months pregnant, with a three year old in tow… plus luggage for a three month stay. Then come back by herself with a new born, a four year old, and the same luggage. Folks, Belgrade to Atlanta (and vice versa) is about a 17 hour-ish journey with a layover. It’s extremely draining when you only have to worry about yourself.

2) Serena and I have volunteered to take an unaccompanied tour and I will be moving to Pakistan later this year… simply put, we wanted to maximize the amount of time we could spend together as a family before I head off. Having them in London gave me more access to them… I can spend about two of the three months with them here… but, in Atlanta, I would have only been able to spend about six weeks.

Anyway, the idea of a much shorter flight and family togetherness seemed to strike people funny, not that it is any of their business anyway, but they couldn’t seem to understand why Serena want to go London over the States. Healthcare is so much better in the States than anywhere else in the world, right? Er… Umm… Well… couple this with the fact that London is known for being an incredibly expensive city; I guess you have a sound argument. Except that we have discovered that groceries in London are cheaper than in Belgrade… so as long as you are not obsessed with eating out, have a kitchen and know how to cook, London is actually a reasonable place to live… even for a short while… and if housing is provided, of course. :)

Well, after experiencing Grayson’s birth in the States and now, Gilliam’s in the UK, I have to say, the UK experience far outweighs the US experience. And a decision that was originally made to easy travel and contact has proven to be one of the best decisions we have ever made as a family. Our birth experience in London was nothing less than remarkable… which makes me wonder… why is a healthcare system like the UK’s so vilified in the United States?

But, don’t jump to conclusions though… I don’t intend argue for or against socialized healthcare in the United States on my blog… why would I want too? I know very little about UK’s system other than what I have experienced. Plus, I am a product of the American’s Socialized School system and I have terrible grammar, questionable spelling skills, and I look funny.

But, what I do have is a story and a family who has had two very different birth experiences, in two very different countries. The first in a system I wouldn’t wish on any new family… and the second was the way it should always be. And, I also recognize that I don’t know how normal either experience was for the county and system they occurred in… I only know what I have experienced and I would like to share.

And that is exactly what I intend to do. Over the next few days/weeks/months (whatever) I plan to share both experiences side by side from beginning to end… the Grayson Experience and the Gilliam Experience together to form one Birth Experience.

Stay tuned, “The Birth Experience” will continue…