Although I am posting this entry on January 21, 2015; it
should have been posted on October 11, 2012... which is why I have marked the
day count ‘Day 1545’, one day after my last entry posted almost two and a half years
ago. And even though so much time has
passed, there are still quite a few people, according to blogspot, who are still
following SchutzHappens. So for my
followers, I have mounted up and collected my thoughts for one last SchutzHappens
post. I feel like I owe it to you. You endured quite a lot.
Over the course of 1544 days I posted 632 times. For you statistics junkies, that comes out to
a post every two and a half days over the course of, roughly, four years and
three months.
You have endured me prattling on about movies and television
shows. My misadventures working for the
Foreign Service. My childhood, best
friends, random videos I found entertaining, things I didn’t find entertaining…
videos chronicling my family’s travels… and countless stories about my
kids. My kids. My boys.
It’s hard to believe Grayson is turning 9 and Gilliam will
be 5 in less than a month. Gilliam didn’t
even exist when I started this silly blog.
Quite a lot has happened since we last spoke. A lot.
I got divorced.
I look back at my last few posts and I see a subtext that
the average reader probably missed. I
was in the midst of the divorce, I was in denial… and I continued to post.
When that denial boiled over and evaporated; leaving only the
crusty remains of reality… I walked away from this blog… my one and only creative
outlet while traversing the world and, at the time, living alone in a very
small and isolating country.
I walked away because I didn’t have anything nice to say
anymore and I was smart enough, and had enough self-control, not to turn
SchutzHappens into my personal forum for airing dirty laundry.
So, I merely whiled away the time missing my boys and
adjusting back into a single man’s lifestyle.
Which I believe is nothing more than watching copious amounts of
television (which I was already very good at), preparing every meal in a
crockpot (which I am also pretty good at), and counting down the days until I
could travel home to see my boys (which took three different airplanes and over
24 hours of continuous travel to accomplish).
The divorce didn’t bother me. In all reality, my marriage was a failed experiment
doomed from the beginning. I was there
for the boys. And I was merely waiting for the guillotine to drop. The only thing that bothered me was the
realization of not having my boys with me at all times. And it still bothers me.
I look back at my posts on this blog and I don’t see a man
writing truthfully about his marriage. I
see a man writing about the marriage he wish he had. Projecting.
Throughout my marriage I was told numerous times that the
kind of love, connection, and partnership I wanted existed only in the movies
and that I was a dreamer. I was told that
settling was what people do and was encouraged to settle and not expect, in
return, what does not exist in reality.
I can only assume that we were talking about love.
Sure I settled. I
settled for quite while. All the while
blogging about a make believe relationship I wish I inhabited. Always believing that the kind of
relationship I truly wanted really did exist.
Being a dreamer was always an ongoing theme of this
blog. And in my life. I have accomplished so much and defied so many
odds simply by being a dreamer (who also has the ability to set goals and work
towards them… not just dream… that is key).
And finally the blade dropped… I was on my own… and I
continued to dream…
And in the context of this post; everything I have written
thus far is merely exposition. For this
is not a sad story. This is not a woe is
me story. What I have written thus far
has merely been exposition to set the stage… for a story much more powerful than
anything that has inhabited the pages of this blog for the last four (plus)
years. Like the Phoenix who has risen from
the ashes anew, refreshed, and more focused… there is a new beginning. A much needed new beginning. A new story. The kind of story you read about in
books. The kind you see in movies… the
kind that were ‘not’ supposed to exist… but really do.
So, although this final post closes the door on SchutzHappens…
it is merely closing a chapter of my life, while also celebrating what is to
come… the next chapter. A new chapter.
And this new chapter began two years and three days after my
last post on this blog, ‘Day 1544’… when this dreamer married the woman he
always knew existed: Heather.
And it is for Heather that I am writing this today. We were setup on a blind date by a mutual
friend… and she googled me… finding this blog.
By the time we met face to face for the first time she had already read
all Six Hundred and Thirty-Two posts.
And we have been together ever since that first blind date.
For the last few months Heather has been endlessly encouraging
me to begin blogging again… and she even dreamt up the name of this new blog chronicling
our life together: SchutzHappens 2.0.
So please join me is saying goodbye to SchutzHappens 1.0…
because it is time to restart the day count and begin SchutzHappens 2.0. I will see you on the other side my friends!
