I freely admit that I am a people watcher. It’s part of my whole Theatre background. But, this week’s Wacky Website takes people watching to a whole new level. A horrifyingly creepy level.
It’s hard to describe the awesomeness of this site… it pretty much speaks for itself. So… ladies and gentlemen… I present to you: www.peopleofwalmart.com.
Happy Tater Day everyone!
Ummm… yeah… so this show is still on? Hasn’t “Dancing with the Stars” run its course? Sure, Serena and I watched this show religiously… for a while. However, as the seasons have progressed the producers of DWTS seem to be loosening the definition of its key component: “Star”.
This season boasts 11 contestants… and frankly, only 3 of them are interesting:
1) Buzz Aldrin, celebrating the 50 year anniversary of the moon landings.
2) Evan Lysacek, right on the heels of Gold Medal in Vancouver.
3) Chad Ochocinco, the hilarious Wide-Receiver from the Cincinnati Bengals.
These three guys make the cut in my books. They are relevant. Now let’s take a moment to discuss the irrelevant:
1) Jake Pavelka, last season’s “Bachelor”… I’m not quite sure… but I checked my watch and it looks like Jake already used his 15 minutes.
2) Kate Gosselin, another reality show “star” who hasn’t gotten the memo. Hell, I think she stole my 15 minutes!
3) Niecy Nash, Huh? The reality show host from TLC? What, DWTS felt the need for the trifecta of lame? A reality contestant, a reality doc subject, AND a reality host?
4) Pamela Anderson, besides being a testament of Disney Corp’s family values, do you know what Pamela’s last television project was? Two years ago Pamela was a contestant on Big Brother – Australia. She was voted out in three days. And we all know about her reality video.
5) Shannon Doherty, Okay it’s getting even more annoying… Shannon makes the THIRD Beverly Hills 90210 alum to complete on DWTS… However, not to be outdone, Shannon has also posed for Playboy AND hosted a reality show on Syfy! Oh… and she “done time”… as we learned from Little Kim, American’s love women who’ve been in prison.
6) Erin Andrews, Ummm… she’s an ESPN reporter… who also has a Playboy connection… who made headlines when someone released an unauthorized “peepshow” video of her in a hotel room. So… I guess she’s done reality television too.
7) Aiden Turner, an out of work Soap Actor. Seriously, he left ABC’s “All My Children” in December to pursue other projects… like… other DWTS.
Frankly, it seems like what started out as a good idea has become the place where reality stars and out of work actors go to die. My neighbor’s dad was recently interviewed by a local news station while on a fishing trip. Honestly, he has more credentials than some of these jokers!
The most perplexing member of this motley crew is the eleventh and final contestant: Nicole Scherzinger, a professional singer and dancer who has toured with Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, and is currently “frontwoman” for the Pussycat Dolls. Or as I like to refer to her: “The Ringer”.
Honestly folks, is there any redeeming quality to DWTS anymore? The formula is so great! But it is losing relevance.
When “The Mole” and “The Apprentice” started losing viewership they turned away from “average-joe” contestants and embraced the VH1 way of doing things by championing Celebrity Editions. This works for them because their shows were crap to begin with.
There is a reason why Survivor hasn’t done a Celebrity edition… and it’s not because they don’t have Celebrities interested in doing it… it’s because they don’t have too. The same thing goes with “The Amazing Race,” although they tend to throw in one or two pseudo-Celebrity teams each season… it doesn’t affect the relevancy of the show.
But DWTS has a proven formula comparable to Survivor, The Amazing Race, and American Idol. However, their formula has become flawed over time. The professional dancers have become more famous than the craptastic D-Grade Celebrities they are forced to dance with. This is a major problem and probably the root cause of my frustration with the show.
So, perhaps a shift in the opposite direction of “The Mole” would be successful. What makes reality television so great is getting to see ordinary people do extraordinary things... for money.
What do you think would happen to DWTS if they took 12 average folks, assigned them one of the professional dancers we all know and love, and said the winner gets a million dollars?
I, for one, predict higher ratings… which mean higher revenue generation via advertising sales.
But who am I to judge? I’d still just TiVo it and zip through the commercials.
So, when I started my studies at the College of Charleston I took a room in Wentworth dorm and I was assigned the world worst roommate. To this day I am confused by our pairing. Apparently, CofC took my “ideal roommate personality” form, plugged the information into a super computer, and lit the computer on fire before throwing it off the top of the Empire State Building. This guy was the complete opposite of who I wanted to share space with. We’ll call him “Creep-Monkey”.
Anyway, Creep-Monkey had the strangest nightly tradition. Without fail, he would go out and get hammered. And then around 2 o’clock in the morning he would come home to our tiny walk-in closet of a dorm room. Struggle to get his keys in the door… normally dropping them multiple times… and when he finally opened the door the first thing he would do is turn the light on. I would normally react by covering my face with a pillow and he would say something unintelligible that kind of sounded like, “Uuu… oh… you asleep?” And then he would just stand there for a minute waiting for a response. The concept of “rhetorical” was lost on him.
Eventually Creep-Monkey would turn the light off. However, he never went to bed. He would sit down at the computer to play solitary and chain smoke for about an hour or two. The combination of the clicking and ashing never lead to a good night’s sleep for yours truly. But there wasn’t much point to going to sleep anyway, someone in the building usually set off the fire alarm by the time Creep-Monkey started exploring the idea of sleep.
Why am I sharing this story with you as part of “The Birth Experience” Series? Well, because my two nights in Northside Hospital’s Post-Partum Unit is the closest thing I’ve experienced to living with Creep-Monkey since college.
Seriously, every 45 minutes to an hour, a nurse would come into our room making zero attempts to keeping her presence unknown. And each time the nurse would purposefully wake Serena or Grayson to perform some “very important” task. They would check Serena’s blood pressure one hour and comeback the next hour to check her temperature. They would come to make sure Grayson had a clean diaper one hour and come back the next hour to make sure he wasn’t hungry. Each hourly visit would be from a different nurse performing a different task. This would go on all night long. And every time they would wheel some monstrous devise into the room just for giggles. I swear they even woke Serena up to make sure she was sleeping okay. I swear! In the end, no one slept at all the first few nights.
And by now… I think you’ve gotten the jist of the story. The folks over at St. John and Lizzies pretty much left us alone from 9pm until 6am, unless Serena activated the call button.
And when they did come… they would sneak into the room quietly to see how she was doing. And they would simply listen to her… never once insisting on performing some “important” task.
Train of thought… derailed!
Man, I can’t believe it’s been 23 days since my last birth experience post. Honestly, there aren’t many left in the queue, so I need to bust these bad boys out!
So, I left off in the middle of talking about hospital food options. If you need a refreshers, click “The Birth Experience” under “labels” to access the whole series. But, in a nut-shell: Northside = terrible options.
However, St. John and Lizzies rocked! No they didn’t have a nice cafeteria or a decent selection of restaurants close by… no… the simply understand one key component of care: healthcare isn’t merely about individuals… it’s about families. The hospital staff treated me and Grayson with as much care and respect as they did Serena and Gilliam. This included three hot meals a day ordered off a menu featuring three to five unique options for each meal, each day.
I was pretty blown away. About an hour after Gilliam was born, around 5:30ish, just before Grayson arrived to the hospital, one of the midwives brought a menu and we quickly ordered enough food for the whole family. Shortly after Grayson arrived and met Gilliam for the first time (which is captured in January’s SchutzHappen’s Family Video) a midwife showed us to our Post Partum room and once again I was blown away.
At Northside we spend the two days after Grayson’s birth in a hospital room… I was sleeping on a fold-out chair built in 1960 designed for Pigmies. Behind the door at St. John and Lizzies, I found a room more resembling a hotel room… complete with a king-sized bed.
Furthermore the food we ordered was delivered shortly after our transition to Post Partum and just before bedtime the midwives appeared with floor mattress for Grayson.
After an incredibly exhausting day, the entire family had full tummies and a cozy place to sleep. Together. The way a family should be.
Wow… it was quite the Oscar season, huh?
I’m sure your thinking... I wonder if Schutz got to see the Oscars this year. Well, yes I did. Kind of… most of it. All but about 45 minutes. The 45 minutes the power was off. When power was restored and I got the TiVo up and running again I resumed my recording. Over the course of the next week I slowly made it through what I recorded. Which was pretty much everything except the Ben Stiller Make-Up moment, which I pick-up on youtube. I know. I’m an Oscar freak. There was something oddly comforting about watching the broadcast. When it was over, I felt a certain sense of completeness that I was lacking from the previous year. It was nice. I think my efforts have honored the Oscar gods… and I am confident next year will be better.
However, before I close the door on this year’s Oscar Coverage, I have to address one last thing. It is time for the Academy to pick and groom a host. The part of the broadcast that has been lacking from year to year is the consistency of a strong and likeable host. Every year it’s, “Oh, will John Stewart do a good job?” Or, “Why in the world did they pick Alec Baldwin?” No, America doesn’t want to see someone new every year, America wants someone we can trust and look forward to seeing year after year. In the hands of Bob Hope and Billy Crystal, we never once questioned their ability to host. We knew they would rock the house. Academy, we NEED a house rocker!
Honestly, I really hope their use of Neil Patrick Harris in this year’s opening number wasn’t just an accident. In my heart of hearts, I hope it was a market research test. Is the Academy grooming him? I hope, I hope, I hope!
Bob and Billy left enormous shoes to fill, so rather than continuing to tap Crystal’s contemporaries; it’s time to tap a new generation to take ownership of the Oscars. Neil fits the bill, and he’s only 4 years younger than Billy Crystal when Billy hosted for the first time. Besides, Neil has already had successful turns hosting both the Emmy & Tony awards. Neil embodies the same kind of stage experience, presence and comic charm which hallmarked the Hope and Crystal telecasts. In short, he is road tested and the perfect choice for the next generation of Oscar hosts.
So, I leave you with this. Will the 2011 Oscars be just another broadcast? Or will it be “Legend--- wait for it…”
Two interesting comments have surfaced about Inglourious Bastards.
#1, Pauline has suggested Tarantino never intended for subtitles. This is a very interesting… and annoying idea. I assume Pauline saw the movie in the States… which debunks my European screening idea. Although, I swear I know someone who saw the movie with subtitles. I have to get to the bottom of this. No subtitles would be a very “Tarantino” thing to-do. Doh! That basterd!
#2, Kerry admitted to writing off Tarantino after seeing Kill Bill, Vol. 2. This is shocking to me… since I believe Vol. 2 was better than Vol. 1. David Carradine was AWESOME is Vol. 2!
#3, Has anyone noticed Tarantino’s next two film projects? He just announced he would write and direct “Kill Bill, Vol. 3” for 2014. AND next year he will be lending his voice to “The Smurfs” as Brainy Smurf. Can you say awesome?
This is a new SchutzHappens segment… but one that needs to be explored. When I work on my monthly family videos I spend a lot of time working out the soundtrack before I start editing the visuals. And well… while doing some song lyric searches I stumbled across a very strange yet extremely entertaining site called: LionelRichieFacts.com.
Take a gander. It’s pretty hilarious.
My personal favor Lionel Richie facts are:
· The key ingredient to the H1N1 vaccine is grease from Lionel Richies fro
· In case of emergency, Lionel Richie's mustache can be used as a flotation device
· Lionel Richie gets paid royalties every time someone falls in love
Oh never mind… there are too many to share. Just go!
Ummm… yeah… what can I say about season 4 of “Big Love”? Well… besides being complete and total garbage… it was well acted. Lol… serious folks… the actors can only do so much. If the writers and producers want to change the entire direction of the show… well… the actors have no other choice but follow their lead.
In the beginning the show was funny and quirky… it was one of Serena’s favorites… and trust me… it is VERY difficult to find a television show that Serena likes that isn’t a reality competition show.
But now?
It seems like Big Love has fallen into the normal HBO trap. Too many seasons makes for a show that gets too complicated. And in Big Love’s case… it’s been made purposefully too complicated. Now it’s just an over the top soap opera.
Every season, the main character, Bill the polygamist, who living is a suburban neighborhood, attempt to hide the fact he has three wives, while also perusing fairly intense business ventures. He owns a chain of Home Depot style hardware stores and during the first two seasons he was simply focused on opening additional locations… but in season three he turned his focus on opening an Indian Casino… and finally, in season four, he decides to run for Utah State Senate. And this was only one of about five or six unnecessary storylines going on in this 9 episode season. I don’t even want to get into the absurdities of the bird smuggling story arc… not to mention, Hollis in Mexico, Ana’s prego return, Marg and Ben, and J.J.’s absurd fertility storyline… and then there is Sarah’s pending movie to Portland. COME ON! You only have 9 episodes! Scale down!
The original premise of this show fell into the dramady category… and was quite quirky and fun… but seasons four has turned the show into a full-fledged drama and frankly, it hurts the show.
To accent this change in the shows focus, HBO even re-tooled the opening credits. Gone are the days of the playful ice skating to Beach Boys music… now it’s this tormented montage of the characters falling through darkness. All I know is this: they seem to be falling in the wrong direction.
The only thing that could possible make season four successful is if they intended to turn all of the sympathetic characters unsympathetic. And in turn, make normally unsympathetic character, like Nikki and Alby, sympathetic. If this was the goal, congratulation! You succeeded.
That being said… the season ended on a cliff-hanger… of course. So… I’ll probably watch season 5 and pray for the best.
Good, however disappointing. Which is even more disappointing to me, because Jason Reitman’s “Up in the Air” comes from my favorite genre: Contemporary Dramadies. And ever since “American Beauty”, this genre has been gaining favor with the Academy with subsequent best picture nominations for “Lost in Translation”, “Sideways”, “Little Miss Sunshine”, and of course “Juno” who was also directed by Reitman.
But, for some reason… “Up in the Air” fell flat with me. Some say the success of this film stems from its acting performances. I don’t really buy into that though. Sure, I am a Clooney fan… and I am also a Jason Bateman fan. Sure, they both delivered solid performances as always, however, their performance were no more remarkable than their solid performances on “ER” and “The Hogan Family”, I mean, “Arrested Development”. Listen, I don’t mean to poo-poo on them… they are good actors… but hey, there is a reason Meryl Streep deserves 16 Oscar nominations, because she reinvents herself with just about every role. Although I enjoy performances by Clooney and Bateman, I’m not going to shower them with unwarranted praise for simply pumping out yet another Clooney-esque performance. I don’t mean to sound cruel, but this is how the real world works. I have a job, I am expected to be good at my job, and I deliver. I don’t believe in honoring people for simply delivering. I believe in honoring people for excellence. In short, Clooney delivered another solid Clooney performance.
Which brings me to Oscar nominated supporting actress, Anna Kendrick… I don’t get it. Her performance was average at best; average with the hint of something special to come. She was rather flat and seemed to lack subtly. To me her entire performance was, “I am angry now,” “I am sad,” “I am frustrated,” “I am concentrating.” Once she learns to transition from one emotion to the other seamlessly, I think she’ll be a very good actress.
That said, the stand out performance from “Up in the Air” was Vera Farmiga. She was simply fantastic and a pleasure to watch. And what I really love about Vera is how goofy she is in real life. After seeing her in an interview she reminded me of an awkward high school girl whose favorite extracurricular activity is drama club. Everything she exudes in real life is the opposite of what she exudes as Alex in “Up in the Air”. If she had not been pitted up against Mo’Nique, I am sure she would have walked away with the award.
Man… I am prattling on… in closing, I want to answer the question at hand: why was this film so darn successful? Well, the premise was timely. It’s a movie about a man who fires people for a living being replaced by technology because it saves the company money. Hey, we’re in the middle of an economy crisis folks… the story is timely… and frankly… if you’ve lost your job recently, or know someone who has… it might be as painful to watch as movies like Precious.
What can I say about Pixar’s “Up”? One word: “consistent”. Pixar is the most consistent animation studio in the world. Yes… this is a very bold statement, but look at their portfolio:
Toy Story; A Bug’s Life; Toy Story 2; Monsters, Inc; Finding Nemo; The Incredibles; Cars; Ratatouille; WALL-E; Up
10 movies. All of which have been nominated for Academy Awards. Sure, they have won Best Animated Feature 6 out of 7 times… but it would be unfair to pigeon-hole their success to the fact they make animated features. Because, while dominating the Animated Feature category, they consistently appear in other categories as well:
· 7 nominations for Original Score (1 win)
· 6 nominations for Original Screenplay
· 6 nominations for Sound Editing
· 5 nominations for Original Song (1 win)
· 2 nominations for Sound Mixing (1 win)
· 1 nomination of Best Picture
For me, the most telling symbol of quality is their 6 nominations for Original Screenplay, because this is the hallmark of Pixar’s success. Pixar continually achieves the impossible, making family movies which are worth watching. When Pixar announces a new movie, I get just as excited as Grayson… because I know it’s going to be good and I know it’s going to be something I am comfortable sharing with my son.
The Pixar brand means quality family entertainment. And thank God, the Academy recognizes their contribution to the genre. With this kind of consistency, and the fact Pixar movies average a worldwide gross of over $556 million, I figure we’ll see Pixar nominated for Best Picture again… and maybe one day even take home the top honor.
On another note, I can’t wait for Toy Story 3. I am just as emotionally attached to Buzz and Woody as Grayson… and it’s going to be so much fun to see this movie together. After all, I saw Toy Story 1 in the theatres when it was released in 1995. I was 18 years old. 14 years later? Well… it’s going to be awesome!
The Blind Side is a good movie because it’s based on an amazing true story. It’s such a dynamically inspirational story that it would have been impossible to mess up. Beyond the story itself, is there anything remarkable about the picture? No, not really.
However, I do applaud the Academy for including it in the best picture category. Too often the Academy’s most celebrated movies are not necessarily the happiest movies. And it was very refreshing to see an uplifting movie like The Blind Side nominated; reminding us there is more to life than just piss and vinegar.
That being said, a courteous nomination all The Blind Side really deserved.
Don’t get me wrong, I like Sandra Bullock. I really do. As a person, I think she is a class act. As an actress, I think she is pretty solid… even when she makes horrible movie choices, like Miss Congeniality 2 or The Proposal, she commits 100% to the project. In fact, just days before receiving her Oscar for Best Actress, Sandra Bullock attended the Razzie Awards to graciously accept her award for Worst Actress for “All About Steve”. Hollywood needs more people like Sandra Bullock.
That being said, we should all agree that Sandra did not win the Oscar for having the best performance of the year. After seeing four of the five Best Actress nominated performances, Sandra’s is the least remarkable. However, Sandra was the most successful actress of the year. There is a big difference and the Academy is known for honoring both, so it’s okay. Some years it’s about honoring a remarkable performance, some years it about honor a person’s body of work, and sometimes, as in the case of Sandra Bullock, it’s about honoring a successful year. This year Sandra Bullock broke every box office record for an Actress staring (by herself) in a film. She has dethroned Julia Robert’s.
Is this achievement Oscar worthy? Sure, I guess it is. I’m certainly not upset by her win. She is an actress who is deserving of praise. I just hope this new acclaim leads to a more solid body of work for her future career.
Simply remarkable.
In my book, Precious is one of the best two movies of the year. Like “The Hurt Locker”, Precious is a fairly difficult film to watch, however, they grew on me for some time after my initial viewings.
The storytelling is very subtle and simple… yet the performances are rock solid and the best of the year.
I personally do not enjoy Mo’Nique’s previous work. I don’t dislike her as a person, but I’m not a fan of her stand-up and her previous movies do little to show off her immense talent. That being said, she is simply amazing in Precious. He is 100% deserving of the praise and awards she has received in relation to her work on this film. Her performance is not simply good because it’s Mo’Nique. Too often actors are honored not because their performances are remarkable… but because they are better than normal (like Sandra Bullock). However, this is not the case for Mo’Nique. Her performance was light years better than any other Best Supporting Actress winning performance I have ever seen. Seriously, I understand this is a bold comment, but I just looked up all past winners of this category and I can’t find one performance more solid. A role like this comes once in a lifetime… and it found Mo’Nique. Bravo.
First timer, Gabourey Sidibe, is absolutely, jaw droppingly brilliant in this film. In my book, it was the best performance by a Leading Actress this year. But, that is beside the point. This was Gabourey’s first film. The Academy is not known for honoring amateurs in the Leading categories… normally, the Supporting categories are used for issuing these kinds of honors. I am very interested in seeing how Hollywood utilizes her. Her talent is undeniable… but she isn’t exactly the stereotype of a classic Hollywood starlet. But, then again… the year is 2010… I don’t seem much use for stereotypes anymore.
And finally, I think Tyler Perry needs to have a pat on the back for this one. When I found out Perry was opening his own studio in Atlanta I didn’t really think much of it. He is a very profitable filmmaker, but doesn’t really make movies I’m interested in. That being said, if Tyler Perry intends to champion movies like Precious… I am 100% on board.
To close, I want to say Precious is a must see no matter what you Social-Economic status may be.
JP’s Review: Two Thumbs Up
Serena’s Review: “Umm… what? You have to be kidding me… no thank you.”
District 9 seems to be one of those movies that you need to see from beginning to end without much knowledge of what you are about to see. This is how I saw the movie. I hadn’t even seen a preview. I heard it was good, so while Serena and Grayson were in the States last summer I went to see it. And frankly, it blew me away. District 9 was remarkably fresh and poignant. It’s a true original.
Questioning the effectiveness of refugee services, District 9 spins this real world issue on its head by putting it into the context of a sci-fi action movie. I have nothing negative to say about the movie at all. I had no expectations going it and it knocked my socks off.
Serena on the other hand? Well, her only contact with the movie was watching the Oscar reel synopsis of the film. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Her synopsis? District 9 is the most ridiculous film of the year. And you know what? I can’t really blame her. The clips shown at the Oscars did absolutely nothing for the movie. In fact, it made the movie look worthy of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 quips. It made the movie look so horrible that I couldn’t argue with Serena’s assessment.
Not that she would have ever wanted to watch the movie anyway… but the preview was the last nail in the coffin.
So, if any of you, who haven’t seen District 9 were also turned off by the previews like Serena… give it a shot. It was good.
Two thumbs up!
I’m not really sure how this movie was marketed in the States. But, since a large number of my friends have been quite dismissive of this movie based on its subject matter, I can only assume most of the attention focuses on the underage romance story. This to me, in the context of the story is a non-issue.
Yes, the girl is only 16 years old. Yes, she is perused romantically by an older man. However, the movie takes place in 1961, a time when these kinds of relationships were not taboo. So, it is unfair to pass judgment on the theme because the movie is not about the sexual exploits of an underage girl. In fact, the main characters make no attempt to hide their relationship, the parent’s are approving of their relationship and ultimately, sexuality between the two plays a very small role in this picture.
The whole point, however, is to explore the academic and professional potential young girls were abandoning in the 1960s when the “right” guy came along to sweep them off their feet.
Not wanting to give any plot points away I will close this review by complimenting the acting. Honestly, I don’t think Peter Sarsgaard and Emma Thompson are capable of producing subpar performances; the two of them were fantastic supporting player in “An Education”. However, beyond the amazing supporting cast, the standout performance was Best Actress nominee Carey Mulligan. Watch out folks, we’re going to see a lot of Ms. Mulligan in the future.
Out of all the Best Picture nominated movies this year, the Coen Brother’s, “A Serious Man”, has left me the most perplexed. The main question I walked away with was, “Why in the world is this movie a best picture candidate?” Honestly, I’ve read all of the reviews touting the Coen Brother as “genius”, however, I still can’t wrap my head around the movie at all… and I LOVE the Coen Brother’s… everything they have ever done! I even like “The Man Who Wasn’t There”… okay, I will admit their remake of “The Ladykillers” is skipable, but everything thing else they’ve done is A+ in my book… but now, there is “A Serious Man”… and is movie evokes very different emotions.
I know there are quite a few people out there who “don’t get” the Coen Brother’s… when friends talk about their films and say, “you know? I just didn’t like it,” I often times advise them to watch it a second time. The Coen Brother’s make films that get better with each and every viewing… however, I wouldn’t wish a second viewing of “A Serious Man” on my worst enemy. Have the Coen Brother’s finally reached that filmmaking plateau where everything they do is considered “genius”, even if it’s not? Possibly.
Why am I so critical? Well, the movie itself doesn’t accomplish ANYTHING. But maybe that’s the genius I am missing. The movie is a about a college professor whose life is crumbling around him, his wife is leaving him, he kids are acting out, his neighbors and students are making strange demands from him, someone is opposing his tenure, and he may or may not have a serious illness… and all of these things happen at the exact same time without warning. The ongoing theme of the movie is, “but, I didn’t do anything.” And he doesn’t… the main character never did anything to set off the destruction of his life. And in turn… maybe the Coen Brother’s opted to accent this theme by making a movie that doesn’t accomplish anything… who knows?
About an hour into the movie Serena and looked at each other thinking, “Something has got to happen… right? There has to be a pay off at the end so everything makes sense.” Regrettably, nothing in this move gets resolved. In fact, the movie essentially pulls an ending out of the “Sopranos” play book. It simply ends in mid-scene leaving the audience saying, “What the f--- was that?”
Although, there was one small redeeming quality about the movie: the introduction of award winning theatre actor Michael Stuhlbarg in the lead role. Even in a film that essentially does nothing but make me long for the time I lost watching it, Michael’s performance was the only thing keeping me from poking my eye out… and for that… I am grateful.
After two failed attempts to record the Oscars Serena could sense my despair and desperation. “Sweetie, I saw a commercial today for a 7pm rebroadcast.” I gave her a sideways glance, “Wait a minute… you’re right, this morning I noticed two scheduled rebroadcasts… but I didn’t notice what time the second one was supposed to start.”
“I think it starts a 7pm,” said Serena
“What time is it now?”
“6:50pm.”
I was off! Hurdling down the stairs eight at a time, stopping only for a quick bathroom break... as I slid into the living room I snatched a throw pillow hurling it towards my Harmony remote cradle across the room. Hitting my target perfectly, the remote launched into the air, ultimately finding my hand as I flipped over the couch. It was as if the force had intervened.
By the time I landed safely on the couch my entertainment center had already come alive with the sights and sounds of the Oscars… RECORD! I pressed the button with authority.
As I looked over my handy work as wave of relaxation washed over me. I had down it. It was perfect. Tomorrow would be a new day. I would have a do over. I carefully turned off the television, verifying that the VCR and TiVo continued their noble duty… I set my bedside alarm, again, for 5am. I would pretend that Monday never happened. I would wake up again with a second chance at---
And then the power went out.
Yes… the power went out… and then I cried.
Yes... I cried.After discovering my time zone recording faux pas and a good cry, I went from sad to angry… and from angry to manic problem solver. Jumped online and verified there would be a rebroadcast at 11am Serbian time. I quickly programmed my TiVo for an 8am start time… and then went about getting ready for work… it was going to be a Monday Night Oscar Night and I was excited.
When I got home from work, Serena was giving the boys a bath. I quickly checked my TiVo to verify the recording. It was there! I pressed play… I had to see the red carpet!
Blue…
All I could see was blue… from the lower left hand corner to the upper right hand corner… blue… a landscape of blue. NOTHING BUT BLUE!
Someone had turned the VCR off!
“Honey?”
“Ops, sorry sweetie!”
FAIL!
To be continued…
What with having seen all 10 best picture nominations and after felling the painful void which is a year without the Oscars in 2009… I was determined to watch the Oscars before the media got hold of the broadcast and spoiled all of my fun. So, it took a little doing, but, with the help of a European VCR and a PAL/NTSC converter I rigged up a way to record live television with my TiVo in Serbia. It works! I’ve tested it! As long as it’s not the Oscars…
So, the plan was noble. I set the TiVo to records starting at 2am and set my alarm clock for 5am. This would give me two and a half hours to watch, commercial free, before having to leave for work. And in theory, the plan worked out great… I actually got up… made myself a cup of coffee… walked into the living room and immediately noticed something… the TiVo was not recording. To be safe, I had set the recording for 5 hours… yet… it wasn’t recording.
What went wrong? Well… as I soon discovered… the internal clock of my TiVo is set to US Pacific Time… however, I programmed the recording based on the Serbian broadcast times. I know what you are thinking… “huh, what?” Yes… I felt the same way at 5am Monday morning as I choked on my own tears. Apparently, in order to initiate a recording at 2am, Monday, Serbian time… I should have scheduled the TiVo to start recording at 5pm, Sunday.
Yeah… I don’t know what I’m talking about either… but it’s the Inconvenient Truth.
Attempt 1 = Fail!
To be continued…
As many of you have probably realized by now… I actually saw all 10 movies up for best picture prior the big event. This is a feat I have only accomplished one other time in my life, 9 years ago when “Gladiator” won… and there were only 5 movies up. And I have to admit, I really worked hard for it this year… at dawn broke on Oscar Sunday, I only had 9 under my belt, however, with the encouragement of my lovely and supportive wife I managed to see Avatar just under the wire.
I don’t know why I love the Oscars so much, but there is something strangely comforting about them… maybe it’s the fact I’ve watched them religiously ever year for the last 22 years… well… almost every year. Last year, I missed them… and I’ve felt strangely incomplete ever since. You see, although AFN broadcasts the Oscars live, staying up for a 2am start time in Belgrade when I have to work the next day isn’t exactly realistic. Plus, I didn’t have any way to record the broadcast either. So, last year I went to work Monday morning without watching any of it. And as soon as I sat down at my desk I saw a list of all of the winners… it was hard to avoid. So… when I got home that night, having discovered all the outcomes, I wasn’t feeling motivated to watch. I think this greatly offended the Oscar gods. Seriously… because for 2010… Murphy’s Law was out to get me… not just once… but three times.
To be continued…
Oscar Poll 2010, Final Score
99 out of 127 = 77.95%
“Avatar” vs. “The Hurt Locker”
Wow. Can I just say “wow”? Best picture completely and totally blew me away... not to mention Best Director. Now, don’t get me wrong. I knew “Avatar” and “The Hurt Locker” were the only two contenders for Best Picture no matter how many movies were stuffed into the category. But honestly, I thought “The Hurt Locker” was a long shot, even though it’s my favorite of the year. A very long… long… shot. I’m stunned.
Some folks in the media have been likening The Hurt Locker’s victory to that of David over Goliath… but I don’t really see the comparison unless David was a Kung-Fu Master and Goliath simply had a glandular disorder. Hands down, The Hurt Locker is better movie… and its victory proves that just because a movie is the most expensive or makes the most money doesn’t make it the best… unless we’re giving out an award for Marketing.
I’m not saying Avatar was a bad movie. Quite the opposite. It was very good. When I, finally, saw it over the weekend, I felt comfortable with the possibility of it winning Best Picture. However, for me, the measure of a true Best Picture is the marriage of four very important components of film making: Direction, Writing, Acting, and Technical Achievement. Although Avatar had amazing Direction and mind-boggling Technical Achievement… it was lacking in two very important areas: Writing and Acting. And I can’t be the only person who feels James Cameron’s epic is lacking in these two areas because the Academy neglected to recognize Avatar in those areas as well.
In short, I could start a drinking game based on the number of times Sigourney Weaver and Sam Worthington ambiguously referred to “science”. James Cameron is an idea man… who shouldn’t be writing dialogue.
Ultimately, selling me a best picture that does excel in each of the four components is very tough. However, The Hurt Locker, has is the perfect marriage of all four. I am very happy to see the Academy’s ten movie voting experiment pay off ensuring the best movie took home the gold.
Now, besides delivery room experiences, our postpartum experiences at these two hospitals were very different as well.
Grayson was born at 7:17pm, and from that moment on things became a blur. By the time Northside mobilized Serena’s wheel chair pusher and Grayson’s bassinet cart pusher it was getting close to 10pm… and guess what folks? None of us had eaten anything since lunch time.
For those of you who have been to Northside, you probably know about the maze of postpartum wings strung throughout the hospital. I half expected David Bowie waiting for us around each corner. Thank God for the Lo-Jack bracelet around Gray’s ankle. It was almost 11pm by the time we reached the postpartum room and during this journey through the hospital is where we became overcome by hunger. I was almost delirious with a singular focus. I had to eat.
Luckily, for Serena, they had a little late night dinner waiting for her… nothing glamorous or very appetizing for that matter. But after pushing out a baby, Serena took down the food like a champ.
As for me, when I asked the hospital staff about food options they behaved as if they has never been asked the question before muttering, “There is a Café’ and a McDonald’s downstairs… but they closed at 3:30pm.” I stared blankly for a moment waiting for a “but…”, it never came. Finally I asked, “So what do people do when they have babies after 3:30pm?” “Umm… there are some vending machines downstairs.” I hadn’t eaten for almost eleven hours and they directed me to potato chips and candy bars.
Since then, Northside has opened a Morrison’s franchise, which is a tad helpful. It’s open until 7pm, but it’s closed on weekends. I just don’t understand… the hospital is open 24 hours… and it’s one of the busiest in the world… why not have one food option available at all times?
“So, what do you guys do for food while you’re on duty?” “We bring our own food.” Stone walled again. You have to be kidding me! Finally, I talked them into giving me some menus for delivery places they had stashed somewhere… only one of which was open… it was the best cold fatty steak sandwich and undercooked baked potato of my life.
With Gilliam’s delivery, things couldn’t have been more different.
First of all, reception doesn’t really exist except during normal business hours when the midwives are seeing patients for regular check-ups. So as soon as we walked directly into the birth unit a midwife was there to show us to our delivery room… which was beautiful.
The room was only lit by a single soft lamp and the light peeking in from around the ends of the drawn curtains. The smell of lavender was in the air, and all we could hear was the pleasant sound of water filling the birth tub.
There were no forms to fill out or questions to answer. Just a baby to deliver.
The midwife, who greeted us, actually stayed with us and ultimately delivered Gilliam… we only saw one face from arrival to delivery.
And as Grayson’s midwife behaved more like a doctor whose sole purpose was to catch the baby; Gilliam’s midwife behaved more like a doula or birthing couch… following Serena around the room on all fours as Serena crawled around finding comfort where she could; all the while encouraging her along the way.
She never once interrupted Serena’s laboring to check for progress or such nonsense. Simple armed with a mirror and a flashlight she would assess the situation on the fly… and when she sensed the birth was imminent, she pulled a sting which cued a second midwife to join us for the big show. And then Gilliam was born.
We all just lay there, on the floor, for a while: Me, Serena, Gilliam, both midwives and our doula Sarah
Then the midwives and the doula excused themselves… and we were left alone as a family for almost an hour and a half. No questions asked.
Even though I give Northside a very hard time, Grayson’s birth ended up being exactly what we wanted. But we had to work for it.
I have the feeling most women who deliver at Northside intending to have a natural childbirth end up with some sort of medical or surgical intervention. And I think this trend leads their staff to being very unsupportive regard going natural. Like our nurse, whose attitude wasn’t exactly, “I hate natural births,” was more like, “A natural childbirth? Isn’t that cute… why don’t we go ahead and run an IV for later… just in case… when you fail.” And while their attitude might be a product of the hospitals failure rate… their failure rate is probably directly linked to their unsupportive attitude. It’s very vicious circle.
But, when Serena showed herself as the real deal… our nurse eventually jumped on board. And when it was all over privately congratulated Serena and expressed the honor she felt being a part of such a bad ass birth.
However, shortly after Grayson’s delivery the Northside machine started rolling again. We were handed off to a new set of nurses and we had to sign more waiver forms when we told them we wanted to delay Grayson’s weighing, measuring, and bath so we could bond. We only wanted about an hour. And after meeting with the Hospital’s head nurse we got that hour… but staff did not vacate our room… they watched over us like hawks.
Finally, at the end of the hour, I informed the nurse that we were ready for Grayson’s bath. She gave me a ton of attitude and said, “What, now you want our services?” I calmly said, “Yes, thank you,”… and then complimented her lovely mustache.
But, the damage had been done, in that hour; Grayson had been labeled a “dirty baby” hospital wide.
By the time we arrived at Northside to deliver Grayson, Serena had already been in labor for most of the day, probably around 14 hours. But the day had been very pleasant. We took walks, baths, ate pizza, and most importantly, baked cookies. For some reason, Serena had been obsessed with the idea of baking cookies while in labor to keep her mind focused… and she did… they were some of the best peanut butter cookies I’ve ever had.
I just wish our arrival at Northside has been as pleasant as the rest of our day had been. Frankly, our arrival was very bizarre. Reception behaved as if they had never seen a woman in active labor before. Saying things like “Is she okay?” and “She’s in labor… now?” Comically, in a Hospital that delivers 50+ babies a day, Serena was the only mother-to-be, out of ten in the waiting room, who was in active labor.
And of course, Northside reception did not disappoint. They lost all of our preregistration paper work… “She’s in labor now? Well, we’re going to need her paper work before we can let her deliver.” Seriously folks… I had to fill out all the paper work again, while my wife put on quite the show… probably reaffirming most choices for a scheduled c-section.
When they finally called us back to the very bright and surgical feeling delivery room we found more paperwork waiting with our assigned nurse… and questions… tons of personal questions like, “are you HIV positive” and “are you an IV drug user”…
Finally, as Serena and the nurse began to argue over fetal heart rate monitors, IV connections, and hospital gowns… Serena bore down on one hell of a contraction and screamed at the nurse, “No cookies for you!”
Trusting a Hutt is also a poor choice. And lifetime of poor choices always ends with Rancor monster.
