Day 802: The Perpetual Honeymoon

One of the things folks in the Foreign Service always talk about is ‘the depression’ phase… not that folks in the Foreign Service are prone to depression, it’s merely in reference to the end of the ‘honeymoon’ phase after arriving to a new post.  Follow me?  Folks are normally on this incredible high when they first arrive somewhere new… and when this feeling begins to fade and you start to miss home, America, the family and friends you left behind you hit a ‘depression’ phase… and then, eventually, all these feelings even out and you hunker down and live a normal life abroad.

People talk about these phases a lot.  But, I don’t understand them.  Sure, I understand the ‘honeymoon’ phase and I understand the ‘hunkering down’ phase… but I don’t understand the ‘depression’ phase.  I never hit it.  Do I miss my family?  Yes.  Do I miss the things I left behind ion American?  Sure.  Is it worth being depressed about?  No.  This is the life I chose.  And it’s crazy-awesome… and that crazy-awesome trumps self-pity any day of the week.

I don’t know if I’m just built for this kind of lifestyle or what… It must be the fact that I never traveled internationally prior to this.  I was born and raised in Cobb County, Georgia.  Heck, I even worked for Cobb County for about seven years before joining the service… and just about every day, I wake up and thing, ‘Wow, I’m in Pakistan!  Who would have thought that?”   I had the same amazing feeling when I was in Belgrade and London.

These places were make-believe to me.  They resided in text-books and the evening news… they weren’t real.  And now I have the opportunity to spend part of my life there.  I’ve never experienced the kind of wonder and awe in Cobb County that I now experience every day.

And there is NOTHING depressing about that. 

Day 801: The Reality of Distance

Wow.

Two months.  It’s really hard to believe that I’ve been here for two months. Away from my boys for so long!  Arg! 

I haven’t really talked about the boy much in the last two months… I, of course, miss them… a lot… so talking about it has always seemed pretty counterproductive.  Besides, I’m only halfway to my first R&R.  I have a lot more time on my hands.

However, up until now, it hasn’t been very difficult.  Not that I enjoy being away from my little men… but this is the second time we’ve done a two month stretch apart.  And just like anything else, things are easier with practice.  That’s just the truth of the situation.

I knew the anxiety of being away would begin creeping in sometime around today… but I wasn’t expecting to be jolted back into reality like I was today.  Yesterday, a bus overturned into a river drowning 35 children and it’s all over the news today. 

Maybe it’s the parent in me, but I can’t help but imagine these helplessly frightened children and their hopelessly grieving parents.   And I can’t help but internalize the situation as if it happened to me… and it makes me feel even farther away… I’m unable to protect my own… and that’s my real job, right?  My real job is being a dad… everything else is make-believe.

After reading stories like this, I just want to curl up on the couch with my boys for the night.  And I can’t.

Two months down… and the reality begins.

Day 800: The Smell of First Impressions

First impressions are very important, right?  First impressions set the initial tone for every journey. 

Upon arriving in Belgrade, as soon as I stepped off the plane I was overcome with the stench of stale cigarette smoke… and coming up the gang way, the first thing I saw inside Nikola Tesla Airport was a ‘no smoking’ sign.  I found the combination of smell and visual very funny and this will always be my first impression of Belgrade.

However, arriving in Islamabad was a little different.  We didn’t exit across a gang way directly into the airport… and enclosed space like a gang way is excusable when it comes to random smells when entering new lands.  But no, in Islamabad we exited to the tarmac.  And as soon as I stepped out of the bulkhead doors into the early morning air, I was hit with another overwhelmingly pungent aroma: 

Urine.    

That’s right.  Urine… outside… where there was plenty of ventilation.  I knew at that moment I was in for a very long year.

And no… I didn’t see a ‘no peeing’ sign… If I had, it would have been the most hilariously awesome thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

Day 799: Meetings, The Practical Alternative to Work

A friend sent this and I had to share!

Day 798: Where the Hell is Matt?... In Pakistan!

Over the summer I profiled the website www.wherethehellismatt.com.  The website profiles Matt, a guy who dedicates his spare time to ‘dancing badly around the world’.  I love this guy!  And I find his videos strangely moving.

Anyway, about a week before I landed in Islamabad, Matt was in Karachi filming for his 2010 video!  And the local papers picked up the story:

http://tribune.com.pk/story/27976/this-matters/

Even if you don’t have the patience to read the whole article, please scroll down to the bottom and read the user comments.  They are all so polite and supportive!  Hmmm… maybe the 1^st World could stand to learn something from the 3^rd World after all.

I’m just sayin’

Peace Out!

Day 797: A Very Potter : The Sequel

Oh good gravy!  A year later they made a sequel!  This is Hilarious!  It’s a Sequel!  Please note: the whole show is posted on youtube!

Day 796: Harry Potter the Musical

Okay, so I don’t know how I missed this, but back in 2009 the folks from the University of Michigan produced a play called: ‘Harry Potter: The Musical’.  The whole show is posted on youtube!


Hilarious!

Day 795: ‘Mad As Hell’ Day!!!!

Oh man.  I love it!  Yes!  I am ‘Mad as Hell’ AND I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

It’s ‘Mad as Hell’ Day!  Hurray!  And we’re not simply mad for the sake of being mad like Old Man Withers next door who still won’t give back my ball!  This is focused anger and rage against the airline industry!

These people feel my pain: http://www.madashellabouthiddenfees.com/

For those of you living outside the world of the Foreign Service you will probably understand my frustration… and for those of you inside the Foreign Service, I am sure you can share in my misery.

In the last 4 years I have probably paid about $1,000 in excess baggage fees.  Most of the time these fees add up because I am combining Official and Personal… I’ll paint you a picture using my transition from Belgrade to Islamabad as an example.

Normally when people change posts they are eligible for ‘Home Leave’ which means they get a ticket home, which in my case is Atlanta.  However, due to the status of my appointment in Islamabad and some loophole in the regulations, I was not eligible for ‘Home Leave’, so my Official Travel would only take me as far as Washington, DC.

Of course, this didn’t mean I couldn’t take vacation time… it just meant I had to fund the rest of my trip home myself.  No big whoop.  If I was going to spend a year away from my family, you know I wasn’t going to leave without spending some time at the beach and visiting the folks.

So, I booked a flight from DC to Charleston and Atlanta to DC.

Now, before I continue… I will reiterate: during this trip, I was not only moving from Belgrade to Islamabad permanently, but I was also going on vacation AND reporting to Washington, DC for training and consultations.  Needless to say, I needed a wide assortment of clothing… plus, it normally takes a month or two after arriving at a new post before your airfreight shipment arrives (which contains the majority of my cloths, kitchen supplies, electronics… everything else).  In short, I needed to pack everything I needed to survive for a couple months… plus presents for the family. 

I ended up with three bags.

Leaving Belgrade, Lufthansa charged me 55 Euros to fly my third bag from Belgrade to Frankfurt to Washington.  This is roughly $75 to move my bags about 4723 miles… $0.015 per mile.  Where I come from… this is what we call a ‘deal’!

After spending the night in Washington, I went back to Dulles International Airport for my flight to Charleston, SC.  United charged me $160.00 in excess baggage fees!  For this 452 mile trip I was paying $0.35 per mile.  $0.35 per mile might not sound like much… but it obviously adds up.  And let me give you another number: United’s fees were 23.3 times higher than Lufthansa! 

Then, on my return trip, from Atlanta to Washington, DC, Delta charged me $100.00!!!  This was a little better than United, but it was still $0.185 per mile.  12.3 times higher than Lufthansa.

In addition, to cut down on excess baggage fees, before leaving Washington to go back overseas, I shipped four boxes to post (1 to me in Islamabad and 3 to Serena in Belgrade).  This cost me mere $55.00.  A fraction compared to what I already paid.

Total out of pocket expenses: $390.00

Could I have avoided these fees?  Yes, I guess I could have packed lighter… however, it’s been three months since I left Belgrade… and I still haven’t received my air freight shipment.  For three months, I’ve been living out of those three suitcases.  When I look at the things I packed… I cannot identify one thing I could have gone without for this length of time.  So the real question in this:

‘Is it worth $130 per month to have my stuff?’

I guess… but I really didn’t have a choice now did I?

Any tax accountants out there?  Can I write this off as an unreimbursed moving expense?

Of and speaking of taxes, correct me if I am wrong, but these fees are nothing more than a tax loophole scam, right?  I don’t believe excess baggage fees, meal fees, or rebooking/transfer fees have to be recorded as general revenue, which is why the airlines aren’t lumping these fees into their ticket prices.  Basically, by keeping these ‘extra services’ separate they are able to maximize their earning potential while minimizing their tax liability.

Day 794: The Handshake

So, if you read yesterday’s post about my bidding woes, you’re probably wondering what in the world happened as a result of my #1 choice, Paramaribo, being removed from my list... without my permission!


Well, I’ll tell you.  But first I need to share a couple things I’ve learned in my short time with the Foreign Service:


1)  There are no rules… there is only interpretation of rules and folks tend to make things up as they go.  


2)  No one really cares about you.  If you’re not going to be an advocate for yourself… then you should just go home.


Now, I’m not saying these things because I like to be difficult or cause problems… it’s just true.  It’s no different than when I called AT&T to cancel my cell phone service before moving to Belgrade.  The first person I spoke with wanted to charge me an early termination fee to cancel my phone lines.  So, I hung up.  The second person wanted to charge me again.  So I hung up.  The third person said ‘You are a loyal customer and we’d hate to lose you.  I’m sure you’ll be coming back to the States periodically, have you heard of our Military Suspension Program?  You are eligible for it.’  GOLD!  Sign me up!


In short… the answer is out there.  If there is a solution to a problem that seems reasonable, it probably exists… you just have to talk to the right person.


So, when Paramaribo disappeared from my list and when most people would have picked a new #1… I rallied.  


I contacted Washington and started asking them very pointed questions:


“Why was Paramaribo taken from our list when there were six active bidders?”


“Did you know two of the six bidders are currently serving in Pakistan and are supposed to be given priority bidding?  Do you know where the other four bidders are currently serving?”  - I wasn’t lying, there were two bidders from Pakistan… a friend of mine was bidding Paramaribo a her #2.


 “Shouldn’t employees coming out of the big three posts be given the courtesy of bidding uninterrupted on their top picks?   If this is what the department means by priority bidding, I find the process very disheartening.”


Yeah, I milked it.  And you know what happened?  Washington contacted me.  They said, ‘Listen, we’ll contact Paramaribo.  If they’re willing to offer you a handshake immediately, it’s yours… if not, it’s going to an entry level candidate.’  It was obvious they wanted to shut me up.


And what do you think happened?  Hmmm… let’s role play.  I’ll be Paramaribo and you can be Washington.


Me: So, let me get this straight.  I have the choice between a middle career candidate who I have already talked to and like, who has a strong resume I’ve already read, who actually WANTS to come to Paramaribo.  Or!  I could pick an unknown entry level candidate who’s forced to come to Paramaribo.  


You: That is correct.


Me:  Hmmmm… let me think about this for a--- We’ll take JohnPaul.


Match, point, handshake.


We’re going to Paramaribo!

Day 793: National Update Your Resume Month

ARG!  September would HAVE to be ‘National Update Your Resume Month’, huh?  Right, smack-dab in the middle of bidding for State Department jobs!  Updating my resume is all I’ve done for like… What?  A month!


Now, I’ve complained about bidding before… but now?  Now I have some serious things to complain about.  And I hate to come across as a complainer.  But… this bidding madness is crazy-town.


Okay, since we last talked about bidding my list has completely changed.  I dropped Montevideo down from my #1 position and started bidding hard on Paramaribo, Suriname.  I know what you’re thinking, “Where.”… or “Why?”  What can I say?  I’ve served in Belgrade, London, and Islamabad.  I prefer hardship posts… and the kids are young and we don’t have to worry about schools right now, so it’s time to cash in on a Service Needs post.  Service Needs designated posts are ones that are hard to fill… usually because they aren’t glamorous… and there in the middle of nowhere.  Well, at least Paramaribo has a first run movie theater (which is more than I can say about Georgetown, Guyana).


So, believe it or not… there were six people biding on the position in Paramaribo… and would you believe I was their #1 candidate?  Well, believe it!  I was bidding hard and working it.  Now, since I am coming out of Pakistan, I am eligible for an early ‘handshake’ (job offer)… jobs can’t actually be offered until bidding seasons ends in mid-October, BUT for folks like me, posts can offer their jobs early.  Early handshakes are rare… but I was greasing the wheels… getting myself into position… and then. YANK!  Washington’s pulled it off my mid-level/mid-career bid list one month into my lobbing.  


GONE!?!  Paramaribo?  Gone?  What the?!?!


So, I did a little digging.  I had to know why it was taken off the list.  Did post remove it?  Had they found someone they liked more than me?  No.  Did the Bureau remove it?  No.  So, what happened?  


Well, as it turned out there was a larger number of new hires this summer than previously anticipated… and Washington hadn’t earmarked enough positions for them.  So, in the middle of bidding they took a handful off my list and gave them to the new hires as directed assignments.  “Oh no you didn’t!”  Oh yes they did!


Before I continue, you should know a little something about volunteering to serve in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Pakistan.    They try to sell you on this idea that you’ll have priority bidding for your next post.  That you’ll pretty much get first dibs or at least an upfront shot at what you want.  Some folks are able to get what they call a ‘linked’ assignment, which means when you volunteer to go to one of the bid three, at the same time you bid on where you want to go afterwards.  Essentially, you get to bid on posts a year early… so the only bidding competition you have are the other folks going to one of the big three posts.


For whatever reason, I was not eligible for a linked assignment.  AND, I received no support or assistance with the bidding processes.  So, be able to cash in my Pakistan chip became quite difficult.  I was pretty much told by the same people who promised me the world, ‘you have to bid just like everyone else and when you get a handshake let us know.’


Seriously.  No help.  And when I found out they removed my #1 choice from my list.  Needless to say.  I was less than pleased.

Day 792: Turn Off Your TV Week?

It's 'Turn Off Your TV Week'?  Come again?  Have you ever heard of such a silly thing?  Preposterous!  As you know, I have a healthy appetite for television… and when I’m away from my family… the appetite increases tenfold!


When I’m not at work, blogging, or baking casseroles… I’m probably watching TV… or doing push-ups… but probably watching TV.  


And there is nothing wrong with that… so please forgive me for not recognizing Turn Off Your TV Week.


Now, if the initiative was called something more like, ‘Force your kids to get some fresh air so daddy can rewatch the conspiracy episodes of X-Files… or Twin Peak’, now you’re talking!  I can get behind that holiday!


So, what will I be filling my time with as I desecrate 'Turn Off Your TV Week'?  Well, I’m on a British and Canadian TV kick right now.  I’ve been watching ‘Being Human’ which is a BBC show about a vampire, werewolf and ghost sharing a flat (seriously… I don’t think I could have made that up); ‘Death Comes to Town’, the 10 episodes Canadian mini-series that reunited ‘The Kids in the Hall’; and ‘Slings and Arrows’, the Canadian series about a fictitious Shakespeare Festival. 


It should be fun!  


So kick those kids out of the house, pop some popcorn, and settling into the couch for some quality one on one time with you TV!  


Or turn it off.  SEE IF I CARE!


Love you, bye.

Day 791: International Talk Like A Pirate Day

YAR!


It’s HERE!  It’s finally upon us.  International Talk Like A Pirate Day.  Ye better lift a pint o’ ale ‘er else I’ll keelhaul ya!


Seriously folks, if you’ve never heard of International Talk Like A Pirate Day… you really need to get with it.  What started as an inside joke between a couple friends has turned into… well… something much bigger than they ever imagined.  I think it’s hilarious. 


http://www.talklikeapirate.com/


Happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day everyone! 

Grayson Celebrating International Talk Like A Pirate Day... er... or Halloween in 2007!

And the rest of us in 2008!  

Grayson was celebrating International 'I'm Going to Be Batman' Day

Day 790: Oktoberfest!!!

Ladies and gentlemen!


Today is the first day of Oktoberfest!!!!


Lift a pint!  Lift a boot!  Lift a jug!  It doesn’t matter, just lift a beer!


In honor of Oktoberfest, I thought I would share with you a couple links:


Have a Murree with your curry!  That’s the slogan of one of the oldest companies on the Asian Sub-continent.   Pakistan’s own, Murree Brewery:  http://www.murreebrewery.com/


If you think you take beer drinking seriously… think again.  The folks over at ‘Beer of the Day’ (www.beeroftheday.com) have taken to the web to educate the world about beer and their breweries one day at a time… umm… that didn’t sound right... but that’s what they do… they profile one beer everyday!


Enjoy!

Day 789: Floods and ‘Fringe’

The other day, while driving home from work I heard this very moving radio ad calling for the people of Pakistan to band together and donate money for those affected by the floods… and let me tell you… the flooding is crazy bad.  One-fifth of the entire county is underwater.


Well, I’m listening to this ad and I’m thinking, wow, this is a really effective… it is very moving.  The narration and the music were working perfectly together creating a single moment.  


I became captivated with the music… it was so familiar… where had I heard it before?


Then it dawned on me.


The flood relief ad was underscored with the opening theme song to the TV show ‘Fringe’. 


The song was composed by JJ Abrams (creator of Alias, LOST, and Fringe)… I wonder if he aware of his part in the relief effort.

Day 788: The Doppelganger

Okay… so I totally got caught googling myself the other day… but the strangest thing happened.  Number one of the search results was:

www.johnschutz.com

I was like, huh?  What?  That’s not me!  So I clicked…

Could it be?

Is there really enough space in the world for, not one… but TWO John P. Schutz’s?  Evidently, the scary truth is ‘YES!’

I couldn’t resist… I emailed him… and we’ve been emailing each over for a little over a week now… and we’ve even skyped.

Now Serena is curious… she knows of another Serena Newhall running around… should she make first contact?

Do you have a doppelganger?

Day 787: The Chair, Part 33 - The Gestational Period of an Elephant

The other day a very close friend contacted me to tell that the ‘gestational period of a baby elephant’ is shorter than the stories I tell.


Well… in response… I can only say this… it may take an elephant over 600 days to birth a baby… but you can’t rush art!


;)

Day 786: Astounding Readership Growth

So, a few months ago I posted a dumbfounded entry regarding how much web traffic our blog has been generating… what I thought had been a readership of about five people turned out to be a lot more.


And now?  Well… I am even more dumbfounded and wanted to take a moment to share and thank everyone for being so dang loyal to SchutzHappens!


It’s pretty amazing.


Month Total Visits Page Loads
May 235 372
June 352 466
July 373                     539
August 393 742
Sept (as of Sept. 12) 200 266


Based on the number of individual visits vs page loads, you guys aren’t just coming to read the hot latest happenings of the day; at least some of you are sticking around to read some archived posts.


And based on September’s numbers already, I am pretty certain we’ll break August… and the growth in readership astounds me.  


Granted, I’m not completely delusional… this growth could be attributed to a few different things:


1.  Our loyal readers of stopping by more often.  (Which is awesome!)


2.  New people are finding out about us (Which is also awesome!)


3.  Or, my mom has figured out how to find SchutzHappens and is constantly clearing her history and revisiting to make me feel good about myself.  (Which would also be awesome. Thanks mom!)


Really, there is no way of knowing.


In any case… I’m a happy man… I just need to all to stick with me for another eighteen years… I’ll need someone to buy my books when I retire!

Day 785: A Cost Benefit Analysis of Local Holidays

If you haven’t figured it out already, but there are quite a few ‘costs’ and ‘benefits’ to being in the Foreign Service… I don’t really think you have to be inside the system to understand that.

Being a bit a math nut, like I am… I really enjoy analyzing those Costs vs Benefits of situations… it’s the core of basic decision making.

Now, let me just paint the scene for you here… I’m unaccompanied (without my family) in Pakistan… and frankly… there is NOTHING to do besides work… so I work… all the time.  I work, on average, 60 to 65 hours per week… that’s somewhere around ten hours a day (not including commute times and meals) six days a week.  And I’ve been doing this for over a month.  And frankly, I’m starting to feel it.

I’ve been dealing with a certain amount of fatigue… and I can feel burnout coming on.  As an actor, I spent enough years burning it from both ends to know when burnout is coming… and with me, burnout usually comes in the form of getting sick, something pretty nasty that lays me up for about a week.  So, I have to be careful… because being out of commission here has a negative cost/benefit outcome.  I’m looking for POSITIVE cost/benefit outcomes.

So… here I am starting to feel the schedule from the last month catching up on me… and I need a break… but when?  I’ve been taking Sunday’s off as a mental health day and that seems to help… but I’m still not bouncing back the way I would like.

Then comes our Eid holiday.

One of the major benefits of being in the Foreign Service is the extra holidays.  Not only do we get the US federal holidays off… but we also get a few of the local holidays as well.  And for Eid in Pakistan, we got Friday and Monday off. 

Now, as the Eid Holiday approached, I was planning to work… what else is there to do… and we get holiday premium pay when we work holidays, to staying at home didn’t make much sense… or so I thought.

The Thursday before the Eid holiday, I found out an interesting piece of information.  I am not eligible for premium holiday pay when I work local holidays (but I am when I work US holidays)… so… ummm… I had to ask a question:

“So, what you’re telling me is that I could come to work for eight hours… or I could sleep on my couch for eight hours… and I would get paid the same amount of money for the day?”

The answer was ‘yes.’

Folks… I hate to sound like an underachiever, but this was not a difficult decision to make.  Going to work on Friday and Monday became a negative cost/benefit outcome.    So… I took a nap.  

Day 784: Eid Hug

Branching off my two previous posts concerning Eid and September 11th, I have to share this simple and touching story regarding my guard Mohammad. 


Although we have a four day weekend for Eid, there really isn’t a lot to do around the house so I decided go into work yesterday.  September 11th is one of those days were I like to be around people… I like to be around a flag at half mast… I like to work.


Anyway, yesterday morning I went about my normal morning routine: dressed, showered, coffee, news… and then as my departure time approaches, I normally go outside and make idle chit-chat with my guard while I wait for my ride.


However, yesterday, the idle chit-chat was very different.


As soon as Mohammad saw me, he stepped down from his booth and greeted me with a hug.  Hugs are a traditional way of celebrating Eid, it symbolizes good blessings for you and the community.  


When he broke the hug, he took my hand, looked at me in the eyes and said in the most sincere way, “Today is Eid, this is a very special day for me.  I hope your December twenty-five is as special as my Eid.”


Bam!  Like a dagger through my heart.  He ‘gets it’.  My guard, who has probably received minimal education and makes only about a dollar and hour ‘gets it’.  


After that, Mohammad told me about how his wife and kids, back in their village, are spending their Eid holiday and he was sad to be away from them on such a special occasion… but he also said, “My duty here is very important.  It is good that I am here.”


He gets it.


I don’t know if I will ever have a more meaningful September 11th is my life.

Day 783: A Moment of Silence

Day 782: Eid

For the most part, I like to keep SchutzHappens apolitical.  I do have strong feelings about politics and faith, but there is a time and place.  SchutzHappens is a place to have fun and let loose, not a place for debates and grandstanding.

That said, there seems to be a lot going on in the States regarding the Muslim faith… things that don’t seem to be very nice… very understanding… very loving… or very ‘Christian’, as some would say. 

I understand that nerves are still raw.  I understand that some people are still afraid.  I understand. 

But, tomorrow is our day of mourning.   

And today is Eid, the Muslim holiday marking the end of Ramadan; the end of their 30 day fast.  Eid is a very important holiday in the Muslim faith. 

As far as SchutzHappens is concerned, it is time to get back in touch with our American roots and embrace the ‘Melting Pot’ we have become.  It’s time to put our best foot forward and give Eid the kind of respect and reverence we would want for Easter or Yom Kippur.

I’m not sure what the proper sentiment should be… ‘Merry’, ‘Happy’, ‘Glorious’… but, whatever the case, I hope your Eid is abundant in good fortune.

Day 781: College Savings Month

Man, it’s been a while since I’ve profiled a holiday… or a significant observation.

People often ask me, how in the world do you write so much on your blog?  How do you find the time to write every day?

Well, the first trick is that I write in sessions… I rarely ever write one post… I’ll normally write 4 or 5 posts and then pre-schedule a posting date on blogger.  (I know! I totally, let you behind the curtain!  I’m not as impressive am I?)

 Second, to fend off writer’s fatigue, as my loyal readers know, I have a tendency to post random videos, websites, holidays, or any other random thought I’m having.  They are fun and they break up the monotony. 

Well, you’ve probably noticed that I haven’t taken a break for a while, at least not a substantial break.  I’ve had a pretty jam packed month of posts.  And I am starting to feel it.  Please forgive me if I take a little breather from ‘The Chair’… and yes, there is still more!  Lol.

Until then:

Did you know It’s ‘College Savings Month’!

Thanks for the reminder Gilliam!  I need to get your 529 squared away PRONTO!

Day 780: SchutzHappens - August 2010, 'Miles From Nowhere'

Day 779: A Break for Christine Baranski and the Concept of a ‘Guest’ Actor

Pauline made a very excellent point the other day about Christine Baranski.  For those who don’t recognize the name, she plays the reoccurring part of Leonard’s mother on ‘The Big Bang Theory’.  However, she is best known for her work on ‘Cybil’ and in films like ‘Chicago’, ‘The Grinch who Stole Christmas’ and ‘Mama Mia’.  Or, if you’re my son Grayson, you would remember her voice work from classics like ‘Scooby Doo in Where's My Mummy?’

Christine Baranski is extremely talented and the Emmy voters love nominating her.  Since ‘Cybil’ she’s been nominated three times in the ‘Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy’ category, once for ‘Frasier’ and twice for ‘The Big bang Theory’.  PLUS, this year she was ALSO nominated as ‘Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series’ for her work on ‘The Good Wife.’ 

Now, to answer Pauline’s question about the competition… the ‘Guest Actress in a Comedy’ category was completely stacked to the gills with talent this year.  All seven women are past Emmy winners (Jane Lynch was the only one without an Emmy going into the 2010 Awards, but she won Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy that night for ‘Glee’). 

Needless to say, the competition was rough.

However, I really hate to be cynical, but Character Actors don’t normally win the Guest Actor/Actress categories.  The awards normally go to Sentimental Favorites or Hollywood Heavyweights.  Aka, it normally goes to a household name.

Case in point, since 2000, here are the big names who won for best Guest Star:

Actor in a Comedy: Bruce Willis, Anthony LaPagila, Stanley Tucci, Gene Wilder, Tim Conway, John Turturro, Justin Timberlake, and Neil Patrick Harris.

Actor in a Drama: Ray Liotta, Charles S. Dutton (twice for two different shows!), John Goodman, William Shatner, Michael J. Fox, and John Lithgow (BTW: do you guys remember my post about John Lithgow in ‘Dexter’ last real?  I predicted this win… however, he was in almost every episode.  He should have been in the Supporting category, not the Guest category)’

Actress in a Drama: Sally Field. Patricia Clarkson (twice), Alfre Woodard, Cynthia Nixon, Sharon Stone, Ellen Burstyn, and Ann-Margret.

Actress in a Comedy: Jean Smart (twice), Cloris Leachman (twice), Christina Applegate, Laura Linney,Elaine Stritch, Tina Fey, and Betty White.

As you can see… the Guest category isn’t used to champion raw up-incoming talent or those brilliant actors who have toiled away in relative anonymity for years playing bit parts.  No, it’s normally given to a household name as a gift… as if to say, “Thank you for still working”, or “Thanks for putting your movie career aside to work on the small screen for a week”.

Even wins that people could conceive as being an upset, really aren’t.  In 2005, Bobby Cannavale took home the Guest Actor in a Comedy award over Alec Baldwin, Victor Garber, Jeff Goldblum, and Fred Willard.  On the surface, Bobby was a huge underdog.  However, in 2004, Bobby Cannavale was the darling of the international film festival circuit for his work in the Independent Film Masterpiece ‘The Station Agent’.  (If you have seen it, you should!)  Bobby has been on television for years… in ‘Third Watch’ and ‘100 Centre Street’… however, the Emmy’s never recognized him for his talent until after he made a name for himself on the big screen.

I know!  I’m being cynical.  However, there are exceptions!

In 2001, Michael Emerson, who later became Benjamin on ‘Lost’ won for his work as a serial killer on ‘The Practice’.  He edged out James Cromwell, Patrick Dempsey, and Oliver Platt.

In 2006, Christian Clemenson took down Michael J. Fox and James Woods for his work on ‘Boston Legal’ as Jerry ‘Hands’ Espinson.  Incidentally, his popularity and Emmy win led creator David E. Kelly to promote Christian to a full cast member for the shows two remaining seasons.

And my favorite underdog of them all has actually won TWICE!  I’m talking about, none other than, Kathryn Joosten who plays Mrs. McClusky on ‘Desperate Housewives’.  Kathryn has been working steady since the mid 80s and has never done more than a hand full of episodes on any one show except for ‘The West Wing’ and ‘Desperate Housewives’.  I hate to admit that I watch, but Kathryn is the best thing about ‘Desperate Housewives’, Mrs. Mclusky is one of the best characters on television… and THANK THE LORD!  Kathryn was recently promoted to a fulltime Housewife!     

Sadly, I can only point out 3 significant ‘upsets’ over the last ten years in four different Guest categories.

Day 778: A Break to Praise Jim Parsons, Again

So, why isn’t ‘The Big Bang Theory’ the type of show the Emmy’s would honor?

Because ‘The Big Bang Theory’ is a traditional studio audience sitcom… a style of sitcom that is no longer in vogue.

You see, back in 1999 things began to change… two critically acclaimed sitcoms broke onto the scene offering, not only big laughs, but a new style of filming… they were filmed like a drama but they were funny… and most importantly, didn’t utilize a laugh track like M*A*S*H… they followed the style first introduced by ‘The Wonder Years’ and those two shows from 1999 were ‘Ally McBeal’ and ‘Sex in the City’.  Both were nominated for Emmy’s that year… and ‘Ally McBeal’ won.

Since then, in the last 12 years… the Emmy for best comedy has only gone to a traditional studio audience sitcom 4 times… ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ was the last to win back in 2005.  For the next four years, only one studio audience sitcom each year was honored with a nomination… and this year?  Not one made the cut.

As for the Leading Actor in a Comedy category, the odds weren’t any better.   In 2003, Tony Shalhoub (Monk) and Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm) broke onto the scene staring in non-traditional comedies, and that year Tony won his first of 3 Emmy Awards for playing the title character in ‘Monk’.

Since then, only Kelsey Grammer (in 2004) has been about to score a win in the traditional sitcom column… that is until six years later when Jim Parsons pulled the upset of the year.

I call it an upset, not because he didn’t deserve it… but because the odds were against him.  He was the youngest actor in the category and he had received the least amount of previous nominations.  If you are not aware of Emmy Voter trends… they seem to like honoring the same people year after year.  Tony Shalhoub has won three times and Alec Baldwin has won twice… and both were in the category with Jim Parsons.

Also, unless your name is Paul Reiser or Charlie Sheen… if you’ve been nominated a few times, the Emmy voters like to make sure you get a golden statue before you go off the air.  In addition to Jim, Alec, and Tony… both Larry David and Steve Carell were on their fourth nomination without ever winning!

In short, Jim Parsons took down the four most establish comic actors on television.  Relative unknowns almost never won this category… and I call Jim Parsons an unknown because he had only been on TV for three seasons and had no other substantial body of work making him a household name prior to ‘The Big Bang Theory’.

The last time a young unknown third seasons actor took home the big prize was 1986.  His name was Michael J. Fox… and he went on to win 3 more Emmy’s and become a television icon.

Folks… Jim Parsons win is big news.  And I am really excited to follow his career.

Day 777: A Break to Praise Jim Parsons

I just couldn’t let the Emmy Awards pass without taking a moment to praise Jim Parsons and congratulate him on his Award for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series.


For those of you who don’t know who Jim Parsons is, well… he is the 37 year old actor who portrays Dr. Sheldon Cooper on ‘The Big Bang Theory’… a show so smart, funny and entertaining, you almost forget it was created by the same guy who brought us ‘Two and a Half Men’.


‘The Big Bang Theory’ is one of the best sitcoms on television and hands down, IT IS the best sitcom on television filmed in front of a live studio audience.


Truthfully, I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that I only just started watching ‘The Big Bang Theory’ last spring.  Numerous friends had been recommending it to us and for some reason Serena and I never gave it much thought… we are loyal fans of ‘How I Met Your Mother’ and… well… we just hadn’t thought about ‘Big Bang Theory’.


Then, in late spring when most of the shows Serena and I watched religiously began to end for the season, we decided to give it a shot.  I downloaded the first seasons from iTunes and well… by the time we left for home leave we had burned through all three seasons… and we both agreed.  ‘The Big Bang Theory’ is better than ‘How I Met Your Mother’.  We are hooked and we are HUGE fans.


Everything about the show is perfect… especially Jim Parsons.  It’s hard to single out one performer in an ensemble show packed full of such talented actors… but… well… Parsons is a lucky bastard… a role like Sheldon Cooper… a character who bridges the gap between being completely annoying yet loveable, and intelligent while constantly showing endless ineptitude… he’s a character that isn’t supposed to exist.  Sheldon Cooper is the Holy Grail character for comic actors… and Jim Parsons is a lucky bastard… because not only does he get to play the part… but he gets to make it look easy… Sheldon and Jim are the perfect marriage of character and actor.


Although, I have so many gushing things to say about Jim Parsons performance as Sheldon, if you had asked me, “do you think he’ll win an Emmy.”  I would have said ‘No’ every time.  Certainly not because he didn’t deserve it… but because ‘The Big Bang Theory’ isn’t the type of show the Emmy’s honor… at least anymore… and Jim Parson’s isn’t the kind of actor they honor either… or so I thought.

Day 776: The Chair, Part 32 – The Stroller, Part 7

As Costello’s arrival time grew nearer, the likelihood of his physical arrival actually happening was becoming more and more… unlikely.

While Serena took over monitoring the news, I navigated through Heathrow’s website… and it didn’t look good.  Planes were being diverted all over Europe: Paris, Amsterdam, Barcelona, Frankfurt… you name it… and planes headed for London were probably landing there. 

However, still no word from US Airways… radio silence.

And then around 7:45am.  Costello called.

He was in Manchester… the good news was he made it to England… the bad news was… well, it was going to be a while before he made it to London.

So, I went to work.

Day 775: The Chair, Part 31 – The Stroller, Part 6

From Costello’s end of things, everything was going very smooth; he made it through security, checked the stroller free of charge at the gate, and boarded the plane.  His layover in Charlotte went equally as smooth.


However, on our end, in London, things weren’t going quite as well… a snow storm was on its way.  


And before I continue… I should explain.  For the British a ‘snow storm’ really means snow flurries.  And their reaction to these flurries is a lot like a reaction in Atlanta, Georgia… which means… they don’t really know how to react… so… the over-react.


The morning of Costello’s arrival, I woke up early so I could head out to meet him at the airport, he was scheduled to arrive around 7am… so, I had gotten up, well… earlier than I normally do.


While I made my coffee I looked out the window.


Very light snow flurries.


Nothing was sticking on the ground.


Nothing major.


I made a bagel and cream cheese… plopped down on the couch… turned on the TV… flipped to the news… and the story of the day:


SNOW STORM CRIPPLES LONDON!  HEATHROW AIRPORT CLOSED!


I sat there for a second… I cocked my head to one side… thought about it for a second… crinkled my brow as I thought… looked out the window again… saw that nothing was falling… looked at my watch… Costello was scheduled to land in a little over an hour.


“Huh… okay... well, isn’t this craptastic.”


Serene appeared, “What’s wrong?”


“Well, everyone on the news is freaking out so much I thought there was a Zombie attack last night… but no, apparently it’s snowing.


Serena looked out the window, “I don’t see anything.”


“I didn’t say it was here.”


At this point, Serena looked at the TV and read the screen.


“Oh, no.  Poor Jeff.”  (aka Costello)

Day 774: The Chair, Part 30 – The Stroller, Part 5

Plan C… The Hail Mary

The one thing I love about Costello is how dang inventive he is.  Due to how quiet and reserved he is with people outside his inner circle, you would never know.  But, to those who are close to him… he’s freaking hilarious and has more moxie than one person should have.

In an earlier post I mentioned my New Years Eve Theme Parties.  And well, Costello always shocked people with how far outside the box he was willing to go.  For my “Heroes of the Red Scare and Cold War” party, where most people arrived dressed as world leaders and celebrities, Costello arrived as the ‘Duck and Cover Turtle’…

I can see you… you’re processing it.  ‘The Duck and Cover Turtle’… what is… AH!

Do you have it yet?  Have you ever seen the old safety commercials from the Cold War?  The ones where all the kids get under their desk to save themselves from the A-bomb?  Well, do you remember the animated character that hosted those commercials and taught the kids to get under their desks?  AHHH… yes, that’s right!  The ‘Duck and Cover Turtle’.  It was flipping Brilliant!

The following year at my “Villains of the Bible” New Year, Costello took a slightly different approach when he showed up as Jesus.  His response to the shocked looks as we walked through the door?  “What?  I was a biblical villain!  If you’re a Roman!  You people need to lighten up!  Where’s the water, I have a party to start.”… 100% and completely WRONG!  But that’s Costello.

So, how far outside the box did he go with the stroller?  Well… he pretended to be married… with a kid… and one on the way… okay, be pretended to be me.

When the ticketing agent told him it would be $50.00 to check the additional item he told them this whole sob story about how his wife was flying and son were flying on another carrier… and he wasn’t even supposed go on the trip because he couldn’t get out of work… but then he was able to get out of work, but not until after his ‘wife’ had already booked tickets… anyway, with the grace of a con-man, Costello circled his story back to the stroller.  “She left yesterday and Delta wanted her to check the stroller at the gate and there was no way she could have made it through security pregnant with a three years old and this.  It’s not even a real stroller, it’s a cart for a car seat… which Delta agreed to check… but they wouldn’t take this because strollers have to be checked at the gate… and… listen I wasn’t going to argue with Delta or my angry pregnant wife… it just wasn’t going to happen.”

Now, one key factor to this story is that Costello was standing at a US Airways counter… in Atlanta… blaming Delta for being unreasonable while also painting himself to be the loving, helpful, and flexible husband.  This is classic Costello maneuvering.

He gave a plausible story, which endeared him to the woman behind the counter, which also involved Delta, the king of Atlanta, playing the part of the villain.  US Airways, being a member of Star Alliance has no affiliation with Delta... and when in Atlanta… this is a recipe for getting what you want… within reason… and that’s what Costello got.

The woman behind the counter of course felt for him regarding his fictitious wife, however, her hands were tied… she couldn’t comp the cost of the extra piece of checked baggage without calling attention to herself from management.  However, as soon as Costello mentioned Delta… the woman behind the counter proposed an alternative solution.

She gave him a gate check tag for the stroller, “If I give you this here, you can check the stroller free of charge as you board the plane and they aren’t going to hassle you about anything at the gate.  Just leave the stroller by the entrance of the plane as your board.  The down side is that it won’t be checked the whole way to London; you’ll need to pick it up as you leave the plane in Charlotte… I’m sorry, that’s the best I can do.

Costello smiled… “You can do that?  Thank you so much.”

EVIL!

Day 773: The Chair, Part 29 – The Stroller, Part 4

Plan B…

We really had no other option.  Serena and I told Costello to check the stroller as an extra bag… if they charged him any fees, we would pay him back when he arrived.  For the most part, airlines allow strollers and car seats to travel for free… HOWEVER, when you are not traveling with a child, they are not as keen on giving you a free pass.  A couple of weeks before Costello’s trip, British Airways charged me 35 Pounds to check Grayson’s car seat… because I wasn’t traveling with Grayson.  He had arrived in London 10 days before.

So, we were prepared to pay $25 to $50 to get the stroller to London.  It would still end up being cheaper than buying one in England… however, the saving probably would not have been worth the hassle at that point… but we were locked in.

However… Costello had a plan of his own.