Day 680: A Transition Period… aka… a Hiatus

Folk, I have to admit.  I’ve been pretty darn distracted lately.

And with all this talk about television season finales… I’ve realized SchutzHappens needs one too.  We’ve got a lot going on these next two months… I’m finishing up work in Belgrade; we have a family vacation, training, and the start of an unaccompanied tour.  It’s time for SchutzHappens to shift its focus a little and take a “focus on the family” break.

At the very least I need to take a break from my long winded meanderings about nothing.  But I know what you’re thinking… “The Chair story!  What about the chair!”  Well… The epic story of “The Chair” will be my “Season Premier”… I promise!  So make sure you tune in on August 1^st, 2010 for that story and many, many more… the beginning of a whole new journey, if you will.  Starting then, I’m going to catch you all up on our London Adventures, our Summer Vacation, and fun stories about the boys and parenting abroad.  Next season is going to be awesome!

BUT!  For all of you hard core SchutzHappens readers out there who won’t know what to do with yourself between now and then, there is no need to worry.  You know papa-bear isn’t going to leave you alone in the dark.  Although I might be declaring a hiatus… for the next two months you can still enjoy a daily dose of SchutzHappens…   let’s just call it, “repeat season”.  Between now and August 1^st, I will be posting my favorite youtube videos, strange websites, funny news articles, and of course, you’ll also get our monthly family video… but my commentary will be VERY limited.

I will see you all in August! 

Until then, have a wonderful summer holiday!  To all the other Foreign Service families out there who are also transitioning this summer I wish you a safe and low-stress (yeah-right) journey! 

Much love from JohnPaul, Serena, Grayson & Gilliam

PS: Are you a fan of SchutzHappens?  Do you want to give direction to JohnPaul’s meandering diatribes?  Send a question, topic, or something interesting you have found that screams “SchutzHappens” to schutzhappens@gmail.com.  Talk to you soon!

Day 679: 'Lost' Finale

SPOILER ALERT

Wow… can I say it again? 

WOW! 

Folks, I’ve been a huge fan of ‘Lost’ since day one.  And I have to say the finale left me in complete and total awe.  The first season of ‘Lost’, in my opinion, is the best single season of television ever made… and now that I have seen all six seasons… the show is nothing short of magic to me.

In the wake of the finale, I think it is safe to say no other television show has ever sparked such a dialogue about faith, spirituality and a sense of belonging.  In accomplishing this, I take my hat off to JJ Abrams and his crew of amazingly talented writers.  In its entirety, ‘Lost’ is an amazingly crafted story… or dare I say… work of art.

I know some people are very frustrated with the finale.  It didn’t give them enough closure, especially those obsessed with the mysteries of the island… or the numerous storylines which were never resolved… I agree… it’s mildly frustrating, however, I did not go into the finale with expectations of understand everything about the show… but I did walk away with an extremely satisfying sense of closure.  Desmond successfully taught me to ‘let go’.

For those of you who haven’t seen ‘Lost’ or haven’t kept up with it, I’ve taken the liberty of putting together a few clips in order to pay homage to the show:

First, a ‘Lost’ recap… according to Cats:

Second, just in case you’ve forgotten all of the shows mysteries not addressed in the finale:

And finally, the writers of ‘Lost’ presented alternate ending on Jimmy Kimmel Live… enjoy

Day 678: Calculating Survivor

Okay… let’s beat a dead horse.

What really rubs me the wrong way regarding Russell is his childish need for validation.  He desperately wants someone to admit he is the greatest Survivor to EVER play the game.  He made this claim constantly threw out each of his two seasons and he continued to make the claim at the last reunion show… after he lost… for the second time!

And yes, even though I totally dislike the guy he made it to the final tribal council two seasons in a row.  Survivor is a game of skill and luck… and making it to the final vote twice is a big deal, I will give him that.  HOWEVER, he is not the first contestant to make it twice.  Amanda, who made the jury in Heroes vs. Villains, made it to the final vote in back to back seasons the first two times she played the game.

Also, Russell’s birth into his second final tribal council was not an honor solely his.  All three Survivors making it to the final vote this season, Russell, Pavati, and Sandra, were all making their second appearance at the final vote.  PLUS, both Pavati and Sandra were previous winners making Russell claim of being the best a little egomaniacal.  Great player?  Yes.  Is he the best player?  No.

But these are just my opinions, right? Let’s put personal opinions aside and test Russell’s hypothesis that he is, in fact, the greatest Survivor EVER to have played the game.  A few months ago we talked about the Olympics and how medals should be scored to determine which country was most victorious.  I propose we use, roughly, the same formula. 

We’ll keep the numbers simple and award 3 Points to anyone who’s won the game, 2 Points to anyone who’s made it to the final vote but lost/a runner-up, and 1 Point to anyone who’s made it to the jury.  For the sake of the experiment, I will exclude any player who has only competed in one season since their overall score cannot be greater than three… I only plan to cover the contestants who have earned more than 3 Points.

Furthermore, I will break ties by taking the following into account, in order:

1.      Fewest number of seasons played gets the edge.

2.      Highest single season ranking get the edge.

3.      Votes

Sounds simple enough?  Math never lies, although it can be manipulated… but let’s see what these numbers tell us.

Let’s start with the Man, the Myth, the Russell.  Having played twice and making it to the final vote both times Russell is worth 4 Points.  How does this fair against the rest of the Survivors?  Well, Russell… based on my math… is in 6^th Place.  That’s right!  Only 6^th Russell, sorry. 

In 5^th Place, I have Boston Rob’s wife Amber, who made it to the jury in seasons two (1 Point) and won ‘All Stars’ (3 Points) giving her a total of 4 Points.  Since Russell and Amber are tied and both played two seasons, we have to look at Tie Breaker Method #2: Highest single season ranking.  Amber is a former winner… so she gets the edge.

4^th Place goes to J.T.  Who also has 4 Points, from winning ‘Tocantins’ and making the jury in ‘Heroes v. Villains’.  Since JT only played two seasons and is a former winner, we have to separate Amber and J.T. by Tie Breaker Method #3: Votes.  When Amber won ‘All-Stars’ she received 6 out of 7 winning votes from the jury, However, J.T. received 7 out of 7 votes giving him the edge.

3^rd Place goes to three season veteran Amanda.  Although Amanda has never won the game her success is undeniable.    She has been a runner up twice (4 Points) and she made the jury in ‘Heroes v. Villains’ (1 Point).  Yes, the fact she has played three seasons give her an edge over others… however, Colby, James, Cirie, Jerri, Colby, Rupert AND Boston Rob have also played three seasons and NONE of them are able to boast more than three points.   

2^nd Place goes to Pavati, another three season veteran, who is the only survivor to score points in ALL three categories: She made the jury on ‘Cook Islands’ (1 Point),  Won ‘Micronesia’ (3 Points) and was a runner-up on ‘Heroes v. Villains’ (2) Points, for a grand total of grand total of 6 points. 

1^st Place will probably surprise Russell quite a bit… because based on the numbers; Sandra is the most successful Survivor of all time.  She has won the game twice giving her a total of 6 Points… and since she has only played the game twice, verse Pavati’s three times, Sandra wins the tie breaker against Pavati. 

Wow… I’m such a nerd… BUT, I’m cool with that.  As you can see… a simple mathematical exercise as proven Russell’s self-serving theory wrong… and in case anyone is interested, I ran a second test where the points were divided by the number of seasons they played to determine their final score… which still confirmed Sandra as the all time winner… but Pavati and Russell tied for second place.  I threw this method out not because Russell scored so high, but because it unfairly penalized Survivors who had played three seasons.  Instead I opted to have the number of seasons played the main tie breaker to give the edge to a contestant who was able to achieve the same level of play in a shorter period of time.  In doing so, this formula rewards those who played fewer times while not penalizing those who have played more.

Nerd-tastic!

I can’t wait till next season.

Day 677: Survivor Heroes vs. Villains

So I FINALLY got around to watching the season finale of Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains… and I have to say the conclusion restored my faith in humanity.  I don’t think Survivor knows how close it got to being cut from my viewing list for good… but it’s been saved!

SOILER ALERT

Of course I was rooting for the Heroes and seeing Rupert and Colby, my two all-time favorite players, stick around as long as they did was awesome.  Even in the Villains camp I had a couple favorites like Boston Rob, Tyson, and even Sandra.  Sandra was a heck of a playing on Pearl Islands and honestly she never struck me as a Villain… she was just a really good strategic player.  So, I was thrilled to see her push through all of the other Villains to claim victory. 

However, even Rupert and Colby’s longevity in the game and Sandra’s win couldn’t correct one major issue I had with the show… Russell.  Who the hell is this guy?  I can’t believe how ugly he was at reunion show, a time where contestants normally chill out and shed their “in-game” personas.  The things he said were delusional and at times uncalled for.  His accusations that Sandra has no game and did nothing to deserve winning struck me as funny.   Because argument is a classic management style conflict… personally I call it the ‘Pin Ball Effect” because you can liken the two management styles to pin ball playing technique.

In my experience, there are some managers who are so good at their job they have the ability to make it look easy.  So easy, in fact, it looks like they’re not even trying.  This is a skill.  When your job is to work behind the scenes you need to get things done without being noticed.  In terms of playing pin ball, these folks would play patiently waiting for the ball to come to them; using only the flippers to manipulate the ball intending to launch it in a specific direction of the machine, to maximize a high score.  The flaw in this style is missing your mark… and if the ball drifts down the wrong path it may fall of the board without the player having any control over retrieving the ball.   This is the kind of game Sandra plays.  For two seasons, her aim has been impeccable and she hasn’t dropped the ball.

On the flip side, I have seen managers who think scrambling and making a production out of being busy is a necessity when getting the job done.  After wanting Russell for two seasons… this is obviously how he operates.  In terms of pin ball, these players will constantly click the flipper buttons (even when it’s unnecessary) and they would normally use brute force to physically move the machine in attempts to manipulate the movement of the ball in areas of the where the flippers wouldn’t help.  Doing everything short of breaking the glass and using your hand to move the ball where you want it to go.  The flaw in this style is tilting or breaking the machine.  This is how Russell plays.

In the end… just like every management style, there are benefits and flaws to each.  However, in my experience scramblers never seem to understand or appreciate a laid back approach to management… which seems to be the root of Russell’s relentless attacks on Sandra’s ability to ‘play the game’… he doesn’t seem to understand one pretty simple fact.  There is more than one way to play the game.  Boston Rob totally called him out on lacking the social game, pointing out Russell only plays to be a runner-up and not a winner.  It’s very true.

Anyway, thank you season 20 Jury for restoring my faith in one of my favorite shows… I’ll see you in September!

Day 676: Pangas, A Love Story… or something

I know, I’m getting a lot of mileage out of this whole Pangas fish thing… but it’s kind of fun to talk about so I thought I would share this story.

Last Friday at work I walked into the café, glanced at the specials noted on the chalkboard and I stopped in my tracks.  There is was in big white chalky letters… “CATFISH”.  Horror!  Gasp!  What do I do?  I looked up… there was Kurt studying the samples of the daily specials… what could I do?  Educate.

Me: “What’s up buddy?”

Kurt: “Hey man… they fish today.

Me: “Yeah I know… I’d order something else.”

Kurt: “I know… its catfish… bottom feeder… discussing.”

Sweet, this is going to be easier than I thought… and then… one of our café waiters came up behind us.

Waiter: Good afternoon gentlemen, if I were you today, I would order the fish.

Both Kurt and I quickly panned that idea grumbling something about catfish and then the waiter chimed in with a big smile… “Yes… but this isn’t just any catfish… it Vietnamese catfish… very exotic.”

Folks… I might embellish from time to time on this blog… but I am retelling this conversation pretty much exactly how it went down.

I just can’t seem to escape Pangas… it seems to be haunting my dreams too… but that’s a whole different story for a different time.

Day 675: Leaving it all Behind

If you are an avid reader of SchutzHappens… you’ll already know I have a tendency to get on a topic and jump on it until there’s nothing left.  So, please forgive my current preoccupation with my theatre past.  Mother’s Day marked my 10 year graduation anniversary from the College of Charleston… which I guess is some sort of milestone… or at least it has spawned a certain amount of reminiscing. 

Beyond it being 10 years since CofC… this year also marks 17 years since my first stage performance.  Even though the anniversary doesn’t actually take place until November and it certainly isn’t a nice round number worth celebrating… the realization of 17 years and its close proximity to 20 years is baffling to me.  And the numbers are simply ridiculous.   If you were to take the number of shows I worked on and divided then by 17, I can still boast an average of 4 shows a year for the last 17 years.  When I step back and look at that it feels pretty crazy. 

At one point my average was up to 6 shows per year, but I cut back after meeting Serena… and I cut back more after become a father… and now?  Well, I haven’t even been active in the theatre community for over two years.
When I joined this wacky Foreign Service machine I left it all behind, completely… walking away from my creative outlets.  Shockingly, this seemed to worry quite a few people other than myself.  “What are you going to do?”  Well… I don’t know… I guess something different. 

Some people ask, “Don’t you miss acting?”  I guess… maybe a little bit… but not really.  Performing is a huge time commitment… and even if you land a paying gig, you’re still working during the day.  Time is precious, right?  I think we all grow up and our lives end up taking new directions.

When I used to teach I would always tell my kids one very specific thing, “don’t get too attached to one idea of how your life is going to turn out… while you’re busy working towards that… you might miss a really great opportunity.”  Granted, when you teach theatre you’re dealing with 30 kids who all ‘know’ they’re going to be ‘discovered’ and become famous actors before they get ‘old’ and turn 22.  I know because I was one of those teenagers. 
Anyway, at the time I was dishing out this Tony Robbins-esque fortune cookie advice, I really didn’t know what the heck I was talking about.  But, it sounded good… and it helped put things into perspective for my kids.  And now?  I just think it’s really cool that I had the opportunity to take my own advice.

I don’t know if any of my former students actually read this blog, but about a year ago I received an email from one after hearing about my transition into the Foreign Service and my move to Belgrade.  She wanted to point out the truth behind Oscar Wilde’s quote, “Life imitates Art more than Art imitates Life”.  Her example?  Me.

While teaching at Walton High School, I directed Woody Allen’s “Don’t Drink the Water”.  The play takes place in an American Embassy located in a non-descript Eastern European country.  Eight years later… well… you know the end to that story… I guess I ‘won’ that Oscar I’ve always had my eye on after all. ;)

Day 674: Dibs

Okay, I had to share this little piece of Wiki-ness.  Watching an episode of ‘How I Met Your Mother’ they referenced a Wikipedia entry for ‘Dibs’. 

Of course, I had to check it out.  This is probably one of the most entertaining wiki entries I’ve ever read.  Enjoy.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dibs

Day 673: Blog Self Awareness

No shame my friends!  This blog is what keeps me sane.  And trust me… my sanity is a very important thing.  And ‘no shame’ is a pretty apt mantra to what I’m doing here in my little electronic den of… of… whatever. 

During my wonderfully intoxicated years studying theatre at the College of Charleston my roommate organized a weekly event called “No Shame Theatre”.  The quick and dirty on this tradition is pretty simple: Every Friday night at 11pm, us theatre folk would congregate in the courtyard outside the Simon’s Center and read through scripts we had been working on.  Oh, I should probably mention that CofC has a very dynamic Playwriting section… which is pretty much where my loose ‘monologue-esque’ informal writing style comes from.

Anyway, ‘No Shame Theatre’ pretty much served two purposes: 

1)      Playwrights need to hear their words spoken out loud by actors… that’s the whole point of writing a play.  However, young playwrights almost never get a chance to hear their words.  In addition, the writing process can get very long, daunting and lonely.  ‘No Shame’ gave us something to look forward to… a mark for personal deadlines… and sometimes even new inspiration when writers block or second guess had settled in.

2)      Actors need practice reading lines ‘cold’… which means picking up a script they’ve never seen before and performing it without any preparation.  At least 98% of every audition I’ve been to had a ‘cold reading’ component to it.   So it was an important skill to develop… and ‘No Shame Theatre’ was the perfect place to hone it.

So, why was it called ‘No Shame Theatre’?  Well… become most of the stuff we did there completely sucked.  We were a bunch of writers in our early 20s who ‘thought’ we knew something about the world and had a story to tell… and frankly, at the time most of us were still trying to figure out our voice and weren’t exactly producing quality material… not to mention the fact most of the actors showing up to read our ‘brilliant’ meanderings were half in the bag by 11pm on a Friday night.

To us, ‘No Shame’ meant the acknowledgement of imperfection, liberation from judgment, and dedication to our community.  We gave each other permission to fail gracefully.  And it was awesome. 

PS: If anyone tries to tell you I hated ‘No Shame Theatre’ and spent the better part of three years calling it the ‘speed bump of my Friday night’ because it interrupted my buzz… they are liars.

PSS: Okay, they aren’t liars… it’s just taken me this long to see how awesome ‘No Shame’ really was.  A guy can change, right?

Day 672: Stuck on Prom

Its Prom season, isn't it?  I have no idea anymore.  I discovered this website years ago when I was working as an educational director.  One of our students was profiled on this site after posting her prom dress and her boy friend’s matching vest.  This is cool stuff.  I wish I had this much initiative in high school.  Now it’s a full blow scholarship contest and the outfits are way more elaborate. 

www.ducttapeprom.com

Day 671: The Wonderful World of Readership

I’m a little taken back… people are actually reading my blog.  Some folks for over a year.  What in the world is going on?  Honestly… this feels a lot like dancing around my house in my underwear singing ‘Old Time Rock ‘n Roll’ into a Pickle… only to think, “Huh… I wonder how long the curtains have been open… oh look… it’s the neighbors… hi neighbors.”  The good news is I’m wearing clean underwear.  Thank God for small miracles. 

Then again… I’m the one who opened the curtains before dancing in my underwear in the first place… right?  Kerry, my good friend from college who comments from time to time, would totally call my bluff right now, “Oh shut your mouth, you love it and you know it.”  And Kerry would be right… as always.  I do love it… but it’s still crazy.  For the past year and a half I thought I had 5 readers… and  now?  I don’t know… maybe a 100?  No one knows for sure… and so far, I’ve found two different sites syndicating my daily blathering.  This realization happened pretty much over night folks… so give me a little time to process.

So what now?  I don’t know… what do I do?  Maybe I should focus less on my obsession with movies and TV… or childbirth… or crazy strange websites… maybe I should be more professional… maybe I should start proofreading my posts... or learn to spell.  Erg… I don’t know!  I have to spell and use complete sentences at work… this is my blog, where I rule and get to make up words like Schutz-tastic and get to run on sentences for as long as I want because you are looking at the stream of consciousness meanderings of me!  

That felt good.  That was very cathartic. 

So, what now?  Whelp… if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. SchutzHappens every day.  Besides, if you made it past my endless diatribes on the Oscars, Olympics, Child Birth and Conan O’Brien… I know you’ll want to hear the nine part epic story of the glider chair we bought in London.  London… man… LONDON!  I am totally behind on my London stories… I really need to step it up.

Anyway, if you like what you’ve seen so far… stay tuned… because SchutzHappens is about to go unaccompanied to Pakistan... and bid on our following post.

Can you dig it? 

Oh, I just know you want us to come serve with you… I can just tell.  You’re transparent that way. ;)

Day 670: Newspapers and Nudity

I hear American newspapers are really taking a hit financially these days.  As people continue to look for digital alternatives, how in the world do you keep physical newspapers relevant?  Well, Serbian newspapers seem to have figured one very specific marketing strategy: ‘sex sells’.  Now, I’ve been living in Belgrade for a year and a half, however, since I don’t read Serbian I haven’t really looked at a Serbian newspaper.  Until yesterday.  I was hanging out, waiting for my carpool after work and on a nearby counter sat a stack of Serbian Newspapers.  Bored and very innocently I walked over and began fingering through one.  I quickly noticed an abnormal amount of skin in the paper… but since I couldn’t read the words, I had no idea what kind of relevance bikini clad women on the beach or slut-i-phied dancers jiggling in cages had on the world of Serbian news… but it was there… and there was lots of it… and it kind of make me wish I could read the articles.  But, I couldn’t.

Anyway, I quickly leafed through the first paper and tossed it aside with very little thought and moved on to the second.  Again, simply leafing through just to fill the time… this one was pretty tame… and them… BAM!  Nudity!  This newspaper had a page dedicated to naked women, posing Playboy style.  I was caught so off guard that I dropped the paper.  My brain tried to process, “Did you really just see that?  A naked woman posing in a newspaper?”  Well… for the sake of investigative journalism I had to be sure.  And yes… there she was… in all her glory… and look... she brought friends.  After confirming my discovery and feeling confused and ashamed, I quickly closed the paper and put it at the bottom of the stack and moved far away from the counter.

A few days later I started asking around.  Is nudity in newspapers normal thing… or just something they do special for Tuesdays?  “Oh, that’s the ‘daily pin-up girl’, it’s completely normal.”  Strange… I later found out that the paper best known for feature naked women on a daily basis is one of the most conservative newspapers… and I can only assume… one of the most widely ‘read’ newspapers too. 

Day 669: Poisonous Vietnamese River Fish, Part 3

REF: Day 643 & Day 660

Back on day 660, first time commenter ‘Chacho’ posted:

 “careful what you read on the internet. :) cheers,” http://www.ava.gov.sg/FoodSector/FoodSafetyEducation/Debunking+Myths+on+the+Pangas+Fish.htm

Now, I don’t mean to rip on you Chacho, I love my readers… all eight of them… but I took a look at this site… and well… I don’t think my opinion on Pangas has changed at all.  The site doesn’t seem to offer any hard facts except for the various names Pangas goes by around the world and the fact that it is ‘fit for human consumption’.  And the site certainly doesn’t address the fact that Pangas is a breed of catfish farmed in a polluted river.  Catfish are bottom feeders and I don’t eat catfish in the States… from a clean river.  And I’m not terrible excited about farmed fish either… but I am a fish snob and I am comfortable with that. 


I’m pretty certain Pangas IS ‘fit for human consumption’.  If you cook anything long enough and hot enough it will become ‘fit for human consumption’.  However, ‘fit for human consumption’ isn’t really what I look for in my meals. But I am in a position where I can make that decision.  I complete understand this is not a choice everyone can make.


A month ago I was blissfully unaware of Pangas.  Now?  I am noticing it in places I wish it wasn’t.  Like at a ‘fancy’ restaurant.  Last week Serena and I went out to eat with our neighbors to a restaurant called ‘Little Bay’.  It is a very nice opera themed restaurant chain (based in London) that has a pretty reasonably priced menu.  The food is quite good too… considering the fact they serve fillet of Pangas. 


Below, I have included a link to their menu… however, their Belgrade location menu is only in Serbian Cyrillic, and so I’ll need to talk to you through it a little. 
http://www.littlebay.co.uk/LittleBayBeogradJelovnik0310.pdf


Scroll down to the third heading, “ГЛАВНA ЈЕЛА” (Main Course).


I had the 7^th item down, “Бифтек”, a beef steak, for 895 Serbian Dinars.  At the current exchange rate, roughly 75 Dinars = 1 USD, my cost was about $12.00.  Roughly the same cost as a “Renegade Top Sirloin” at Longhorns.


Serena had the item just above, “дин.Ростирани филет лососа”, a fillet of salmon for 695 Dinars or $9.50.  


Now, these prices are insanely good… however, take a look at the very first item, the “Филет пангасиуса” for 395 Dinars… $5 Bucks… it’s a fillet of Pangas.  The price difference is very telling… even at a reasonably priced restaurant… they are essentially giving the Pangas away for free.  This certainly does display any confidence in the product as a quality ingredient… but I guess its ‘fit for human consumption’… so it has that going for it.

Day 668: Welcome janeway529

Ref: Conan/Leno Series

I just want to give a quick shout-out to janeway529.  Welcome to SchutzHappens!  And thank you for your comment on my Conan vs Leno Post.  And actually... I need to give a shout-out to everyone who's come out of the shadows and let their presence be know... and thanks for letting me know about all the other sites we're being linked too.  Crazy.  So, any non-Foreign Service folks who are not related to me... or didn't do to school with me at some point in your life lurking around?


How in the world did you find us.

Day 667: HOLIDAY – No Dirty Dishes Day

Yet again I have stumbled across a pretty interesting ‘holiday’ of sorts.  However, based on my web research… the true meaning of ‘No Dirty Dish Day’ seems to be locked in an interpretive battle similar to debates about the true meaning of the Bible.  But, no matter what your philosophy on the day might be… I will support you in your beliefs.  That’s how SchutzHappen’s rocks it.

So, what are the philosophies behind ‘No Dirty Dish Day’?

Philosophy 1:  ‘Don’t Generate Dirty Dishes’
One segment of the ‘No Dirty Dish Day’ celebrating populous believes May 18^th is a day where we should refrain from dirtying a dish.  Zero impact on dirtying dishes if you will.  It’s not as easy as you might think.  Try it; it’s pretty hard to make it through the day without dirtying a dish.  And honestly?  I think this is a noble exercise in restraint… I think it would be fun to consume, or try to consume, without impacting dishes for one 24 hour period.

So how do they do it?  Well… it looks like they rely heavily on disposable dishes: Paper and Styrofoam plates and plastic utensils.  I was a little shocked at this… to me, using disposable plates and utensils defeats the purpose of leaving “zero impact”.  Well, apparently, I wasn’t the only one.  NDDD insiders have been pushing for a more Earth Friendly approach to the holiday.  Their solution?  Eating all of your meals out.  Yep, that’s right… eating out.  Apparently it’s okay to dirty a dish on NDDD as long as YOU are not the one who has to clean it.  Does anyone else see the contradiction here?  These people are a disgrace to No Dirty Dish Day.

Philosophy 2: ‘Embrace the Task’
Other NDDD celebrants have taken a completely different approach to the holiday.  It’s a day to celebrate the monotonous, yet necessary, task of washing the dishes… by making it fun and leaving “no dirty dish” behind!  Just imagine… an entire day dedicated to dish washer loading races and dish washing relays.  Go on, challenge your neighbors!  Make it a family affair!  I’ll wash if you dry! 

Philosophy 3: ‘Abstain’
This philosophy is pretty straight forward… just don’t do the dishes.  Take a day off… do them tomorrow!  Come to think of it… I think I celebrated ‘No Dirty Dish Day’ most of my college career.  Oh how I loved this holiday.


Philosophy 4: The SchutzHappens Philosophy
You know?  I don’t mind doing the dishes.  I used to hate it because it’s an incredibly boring task… however, except for a brief time in college, I’ve been doing the dishes for about twenty-five years… and when you’ve been doing something that long, just about every day, you find things about the task that you enjoy.  I enjoy the uninterrupted time it gives me to think.  I like to throw my head phones on, think about my day, my next SH post, and just chill out.  The division of labor in the SchutzHappens house clearly states that dishes are my job, and I take a lot of pride in doing them.  I wash every night after dinner and most mornings before work I try to empty the dish washer.  I like to leave Serena with a clean Kitchen.

Although I see the temptation of Philosophy 3… Abstaining doesn’t really make sense anymore… I’ll still have to do them tomorrow… and there will be more dishes and it will take longer to complete.  And I don’t like doing the dishes that much to dedicate more time than necessary. 

Philosophy 1 sounds very interesting… but I don’t think the people ‘celebrating’ this version of the holiday has a clue about what they are celebrating… although I really like the Zero Impact idea and would be interested in exploring that.

On the other hand, I am quite taken by Philosophy 2.  It sounds quirky and funny and a very SchutzHappens approach to the Holiday.  It could be fun.

Day 666: Yeah… so… ummmm…

So… has anyone seen the remake of ‘The Omen’?  Starring Live Schriber and Julia Stiles?  Yeah… me neither.

Anyone listen to the Beetles ‘Helter Skelter’ album lately?  Yeah… me neither. 
Yeah… so… ummm… when I was really little my parents took me to ‘Devil’s Courthouse’… you know… Richard Dreyfuss sculpted it out of mashed potatoes in ‘Close Encounter of the

Third Kind’… yeah… that’s a good movie.

Seriously folks… what else can you talk about on Day 666?

Day 665: Mex-Tastic

Ref: Mexican Food Series

It’s been a while since I’ve reviewed the ‘fine’ attempts at Mexican cooking in Europe. And by ‘fine’ I really mean ‘mediocre’ at best.  I was reminded the other day by a friend who was complaining about a Burrito she ordered the previous weekend which contained peas and carrots… peas and carrots… yeah… I don’t know about that.  A Burrito stuffed with peas and carrots sounds more like something Serena would make for Grayson to hide vegetable rather than a dining experience.  But, this Mexi-Oversight is quite normal here.

However, hearing the story of my friend’s woes made me remember a dining experience of Mexi-Worthy proportions that was quite surprising.

Serena and I had been to Pizzeria Snezana a couple of times… and it seems to be our normal lunch stop whenever we take people to the Kalemegdan (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kalemegdan) and the restaurant itself is located on the famed Knez Mihailova Street, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knez_Mihailova), so it makes for a pretty fun journey on a Sunday afternoon.

Anyway, as the name “Pizzeria”, might suggest, the restaurant specializes in pizza… and we never deviated from that part of the menu.  However, on our last trip I wasn’t feeling the pizza mood and started looking around the menu.  Two items caught my eye.  1) a Chicken Quesadilla; and 2) a basket of Chicken Fingers.  I had to have them… so the family decided to order both, plus a pizza just in case the items turned out to be suck-a-roo.  And when our smorgasbord arrived so did all of my hopes and dreams.  The Chicken Quesadilla and Chicken Fingers were fantastic… especially the Chicken Fingers.  Delicious!
 
Serena gives me a hard time regarding my praise for the Quesadilla, “How hard is it to make a Quesadilla?  It’s melted cheese between two tortillas.”  True… very true… it’s just melted cheese between two tortillas.  I will give her that.  And honestly, because of the cheap simplicity behind the dish, I’ve never ordered it at a restaurant before… however, when living in a part of the world where peas and carrots are added to Burrito’s and cheese is completely left off the menu, like my experience at the Burrito Bar and Kulin, I believe that screwing up a Quesadilla is very possible... and Pizzeria Snezana certainly DID NOT screw it up.  Hmmm… tasty!

DISCLAIMER: I’ve been in Belgrade for a year and a half… I’m not sure how long it’s been since I’ve had real honest to God ‘Mexican’ food or classic American ‘Bar’ Food… I’m not even sure if they exist anymore.   This separation may have influenced my review.

Day 664: SchutzHappens, April 2010: "One Day in April"

Day 663: HOLIDAY – Dance Like a Chicken Day

Did you know May 14^th is ‘National Dance Like a Chicken Day’?  Me neither!  But much like everything bizarre and strange… SchutzHappens must celebrate this holiday and bring a little bit of the Chicken Dance to your computer screens!  So, in order to bring everyone up to speed, I will hand our festivities over to Lawrence Welk:

Day 662: We’re ‘Famous’

REF: Day 643 & Day 660

Well we’re ‘famous’… I guess it was bound to happen someday… and it only took 643 days and Poisonous Vietnamese River Fish to pull SchutzHappens from the murky depths of mediocrity to the link-worthy blog it has become.

That’s right folks we’ve been “linked” for the first time!   Which we all know is the first step in taking over the world. 
  
Back on Day 643, first time commenter “A Daring Adventure”, was so grotesquely moved by my story about the poisonous Vietnamese river fish that she not only revealed her “web-stalking” presence, ;)  But, two days later she linked my post in her weekly “State Department Blog Round-Up”… which I didn’t know existed.  You learn something every day.

Anyway, for months Serena and I have toyed with the idea of making our blog private... but you know?  I’m starting to lean towards keeping it public again.  The life of an expat is all about community and by making our experiences private seems to limit that idea of ‘community’.  After all, why should I deprive anyone my endless meanderings on Conan O’Brien, the Oscars, and Child Birth?  It seems darn right Un-American!  And seriously folks… who can forget Hats of Meat at www.hatsofmeat.com.  Schutz Happens every day and it’s enriching the lives of… ummm… hmmm… that’s a good question… I don’t know whose lives are being touched with this little obsession of mine… which bring me to another point:

For two years I’ve been writing this blog… and for the better part of this time we’ve had five followers.  Five incredibly loyal followers.  However, from time to time we’ll have a random commenter like Peegee and A Darning Adventure.  So, I know we have folks following this blog who haven’t formally established themselves as “followers”… and of course, I get curious, so I finally embedded a hit counter on May 7^th… and well… the results were a bit surprising.  In the first six days, SchutzHappens received 45 unique visitors and 78 page loads.  This is way more than I was expecting.  Crazy.

I wonder what a month will look like. 

BTW:  The hit counter works off of a cookie.  If you don’t have a SchutzHappen’s cookie you’re given new comer status… if you have a SchutzHappen’s cookie you’re given returning user status… so please!  Have a cookie!

Day 661: TV Review – Gravity

If you haven’t figured it out already but I am a TV junkie.  I always have been.  My mom freely admits that she let me watch as much TV as I wanted growing up… and well… I turned out fine, right? 

And I have to admit, whenever Serena and the boys go out of town leaving me at home… I’ve nicknamed the time “TVpalooza”… and well… that’s pretty much all I do the entire time they are gone.  I catch up on all of the shows Serena isn’t interested in watching with me… and sometimes I check out pilots of new shows to see if they are worth watching.  I actually get really jazzed up when new pilots are rolled out... I like to see if new shows are any good and try and predict if they will get cancelled… I know… I’m a nerd… but it’s fun for me.

But it’s a win-win, because making fun of this part of my personality is fun for Serena.  She claims I’ll watch anything no matter how good or bad it is… and truthfully… I can see where she might get this impression.  I do not believe you can judge a show by its pilot alone.  Pilot episodes, by design, are not intended for the TV watching public… No, pilot episodes are intended for TV network executive who are looking to buy shows.  So, because of this… I believe viewers should give a show at least three episodes before passing judgment. 

Well… I must be getting harsher in my old age… because last TVpalooza I turned off a pilot 10 minutes in and I have no intention to ever watching it again.

I didn’t find it offensive… I didn’t find it rude… I can handle offensive and rude… I just found it annoyingly shot, cheaply made, and pretty unnecessary.  So I turned it off.

The show is called ‘Gravity’.

What was Gravity about?  It was about a court ordered support group for people who have attempted suicide... sure, it’s a depressing concept… but it could have had some potential.  But as long as it is trying to be a comedy shot on a home video camcorder… I think the concept will remain lost to me.

Day 660: Poisonous Vietnamese River Fish – Part 2

REF: Day 643

First, I want to say welcome to our new readers, “A Daring Adventure”.  It’s always nice to see another friendly face get involved… I haven’t quite figured out how to track visitors on this site… so most of the time I feel like I am writing for Pauline and Kerry most of the time.  Welcome.

Anyway, to address your concerns about the fish:

Question 1: But... but... DID YOU EAT IT?!?!?!

No.

Question 2: Did you eat it before looking it up?

No.  We looked it up first.

Question 3: Did you look it up after you ate it and felt gross?

No.  We looked it up first.  However, we still felt kind of gross about having it in the house.

Question 4: Did you look it up and then throw it away and not eat it at all!??!   

Not exactly.  We looked it up before eating it and we certainly weren’t going to eat it after finding out what it was… But… oh man, this is going to sound really bad… but… our housekeeper didn’t care.  Even after we told her what it was… she asked if she could have it.  So… we gave it to her. 

Personally I feel strange about it… but at the same time… the fish is sold all over the European Union which has incredibly strict food regulations… so I have to assume the fish is okay, but I certainly can’t bring myself to consume it.  And I don’t really like thinking about my housekeeper’s family consuming it either.  But I can afford to make that call for myself and my family… but, for others who need the food?  Throwing it away would simply be wasteful. 

Anyway… that’s how it all played out.

Again, Welcome to the party and I hope to hear from you again!

Day 659: Clean Up Your Room Day

Man!  The holidays just keep on coming!  Hot Dog!  It’s ‘Clean Up Your Room Day’!  Wait a minute… in my house EVERYDAY is ‘Clean Up Your Room Day’… or a more accurate description would be, ‘Clean Up Grayson’s Room Day’.  Seriously… every day before bed we have to clean his room… it’s a complete and total disaster!

This is the best description of ‘Clean Up Your Room Day’ that I can find:

“May 10 -Clean Up Your Room Day - is the official holiday for cleaning up our rooms and we can all take part in defining and planning a way to make a party out of this holiday. Parents, children, students, roommates, teachers and co-workers alike can all take part in observing this day. As long as we keep in mind the nature of a holiday - fun that is observed with family and friends - then we are on the right track for setting up our own Clean up Your Room Day celebration.”

Did someone say party?  Sweet.  Now you’re speaking my language!

Day 658: Lost Sock Memorial Day

Did you know that May 9^th is “Lost Sock Memorial Day”?  Seriously… or maybe not so seriously… I don’t know… although the day really does seem to exist… no one has taken responsibility for creating the “holiday”.

It’s quite thought provoking though… When it comes to my own socks I have a pretty strict personal rule.  If I find a sock with a hole in it I throw away pair, even if the second sock is perfectly fine.  What am I going to do with just one sock?

However, if I send a pair of socks to the laundry and only one comes back… I don’t throw the survivor away.  I keep it… in hopes that someday I will witness a reunion.  Sometimes I do… sometimes I don’t… but still… I can never bring myself to throw away the survivor.  And for that?  I understand what today really means. 

In honor of “Lost Sock Memorial Day” I would like to share a poem:

The Land Of Lost Socks
by Michelle Close Mills

Unloading the washer

I saw the mate to my sock
had vanished in thin air.
I called my friend Shelly.
“Where do you suppose that it went?”
“To the Land Of Lost Socks” she said.

“The Land of Lost Socks?
You’re putting me on!”
I wasn’t buying into Shelly’s tale.
“Socks get bored” she insisted
“and they want a fresh start.
They get tired of stinky shoes.

 Like people who wander
in search of adventure,
craving freedom, they go on the lam.
They creep out of their Kenmore
as it agitates, spins,
leaving half a pair wet, and alone.

 What does a sock do
when away from his shoes,
and new to the singles scene?
He parties hard, and hits on
other socks on the run
while his wife sleeps alone in a drawer.

 Ah, the Land Of Lost Socks
offers excitement and laughs.
No more trips to the washer and dryer.
No more pondering life’s meaning
from inside a dank boot.
It’s fresh air, wine coolers and fun!”

Well her yarn did make sense,

I had to admit.
Though I didn’t like losing my stuff.

But to seek something better,

is the American way,

though it’s so hard to part with my sock!!!

Hmmm… yeah… so I kind of wish I hadn’t shared that poem… oh well.

Anyway, here are some creative things to do with your surviving socks!

http://www.missmatchedfun.com/lost_sock_memorial_day.php

And for those of you who haven't lost any socks this year... HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!