Day 981: Shopping MADDNESS, ONE STEP BEYOND!

Okay… so I’m not much of a shopper… and I’m pretty frugal when it comes to personal needs.  This is probably understandable, after all responsible frugality seems to come with being a parent. 

Now, I will admit that the only thing that really gets me wound up is electronics.  I’m a total gadget head and Serena has slowly learned to embrace this part of me.  For Christmas last year she got me an amazing coffee maker and this year she got me a Kindle (which I LOVE!!!!). 

Honestly… I get excited when I get a new hard drive.  I’m a very sad and lonely man.  ;)

But, I should also note that I’m NOT a ‘gotta be the first to have it’ gadget monster.  My laptop is almost four years old, which I bought when my previous laptop died (after lasting almost 5 years).  I bought my iPod Touch almost three years ago, not because I wanted an MP3 player, but because I needed a PDA… and after months of research I came to the conclusion that the iPod Touch was the most customizable option for what I wanted to use it for… Seriously, you should see the productivity apps I have loaded on that sucker… I rarely use it for music unless I’m working out, doing the dishes, traveling… or pretending to workout.

Anyway, my point is that even though I’m not afraid to spend a little money on gadgets, I’m NOT the kind of person who needs to constantly replace and upgrade my devices.  If an item still works and is able to do the things I want it to do I’ll keep it until its dead.

However, when it comes to things like clothes, cars, random nice things around the house… fancy vacations… I’m not really into those kinds of things.  Seriously, I’ve been in Pakistan for eight months and I have NOT done anything special for myself.  I just eat, sleep, work, and watch TV… I’m a simple man.

Now, from time to time Serena and I will talk about making some purchases for the home while I’m here; maybe a rug and/or a piece of furniture.  You know; a conversation piece that will commemorate this very strange year.

Truthfully, I’ve been dreading this… because I’m the one that will have to do the shopping.  I don’t want to be the person responsible for picking these things out.  Plus the idea of shopping for carpets and furniture makes my ears bleed… but I guess it’s something I’m just going to have to do…

So… after eight months, I begrudgingly tagged along with a buddy of mine to get an idea of what this who Pakistani carpet buying experience was like… what to expect.

Well… it took me about an hour or so to get into it… and then all of a sudden I saw a rug and thought, “I MUST HAVE THIS RUG!”  And as I wiped the drool from the corners of my mouth I saw another one… and another.  I was paralyzed with carpet greed!

Then I visited a furniture store and thought, “I MUST HAVE THIS CHEST AND ROLLING TEA SERVICE!” 

And THEN when I saw a really nice chess table with hand carved pieces… the man at the shop pulled the table top completely off to reveal an inlayed Backgammon board, with hand carved tiles… AND THEN, the guy flipped the table top over revealing a felt card table… at which point… I fainted.

I’m a monster!  I’m an animal!  I have SHOPPING MADDNESS!

Man… I could really use an ice cream sandwich right about now.  Their only $18 a piece at the commissary… perhaps I will splurge.  .

Day 980: Scrubs and What’s Happening!!

So… with my copious amounts of free time between getting home from work and bedtime, all of about an hour or two each day, I’ve been SLOWLY working my way through the show ‘Scrubs’.

Have you ever watched this show?  For some reason I never got into it during its first run and I’ve been ridiculed by countless friends who consider it one of the best Sitcoms of the 2000s.  Well… now that I’ve FINALLY watched the first season and now working my way through the second, I have to agree with my friends.  It’s really great.

From a theatrical standpoint, I love how the show is narrated from the perspective of J.D. (Zack Braff), which leans itself to both hilarious absurdism and heartfelt realism… the two, sometimes playing hand in hand surprising the audience… at least surprising me.  Sometimes there will be a really nice tender moment between the characters and I’ll be waiting for the joke… the “Just kidding, this was just a dream sequence,” but then, nothing will happen.  The writers will just let the tender moment play out for real which makes it even more powerful.

Good show.

Now, of course, my sense of humor TOTALLY lends itself to the adsurbism.  My favorite reoccurring bits are how Jimmie Walker from ‘Good Times!’ always appears in J.D.’s daydreams AND how the hospitals lawyer is in a barbershop quartet that only performs TV theme song (which somehow accent the episodes theme perfectly).

But you know?  Seeing Jimmie Walker got me thinking.  Whatever happened to Rerun from ‘What’s Happening!!’?  I LOVED Rerun! 

Well… unfortunately, he passed away back in 2003.  We’ll miss you buddy!  Keep on dancing!

Day 979: You know?

I don’t know if you’re anything like me.  I hope you’re not for your own sake, my brain is a scary place and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone…

But, you know?

Have you ever woken up one morning thinking, “Huh?  I wonder… whatever happened to Jonathan Lipnicki?”

It’s just me isn’t it?… my own personal little nightmare.

Day 978: Mountain Dewplomacy

Okay, I’m going to come clean here.  


I have a problem with caffeine.  But it’s under control… sure I’ll drink a couple cups of coffee in the morning, but my Mountain Dew intake is WAY down.   These days, I may have one a couple times a week with lunch, if that.  And if you talk to my old boss, Nelah, from Cobb County, back when I could polish of a 12 pack in a single work day, she’d say I’ve come a long way.


Honestly, living in Belgrade helped me kick the Mountain Dew habit because as a whole, Europeans don’t like it.  Seriously, I have NEVER seen Mountain Dew on the local market in a European country.  And upon arriving in Belgrade, Aleksandar, the commissary manager of fifteen years, was not prepared for the Dew Monsters cycling in to post.


You see, according to Aleksandar, he would buy a couple cases of Mountain Dew each year just to have a little extra variety in his drink coolers and on the shelves.  And for fifteen year he had never sold all of it by the end of that year.  


That is until my alien belly and his friends rolled up in town.  


Apparently, in the winter of 2008, five Mountain Dew drinkers rolled into Belgrade at the same time, taking Aleksandar completely by surprise.  


In less than two weeks, all of the Mountain Dew in Serbia was gone.


Sure, Aleksandar would always order more, but his quarterly shipments from Ramstein never seemed to keep up with demand… and since it wasn’t available on the local market… you simply learn to live without.


That is… until Qatar.


On my way to Islamabad I had a five hour layover in Doha, Qatar, which is actually a very nice little airport with free Wi-Fi, a GREAT cafeteria and a REALLY GREAT dinner special.  For around five bucks, I ended up with a plate full of rice, lamb stew, chickpeas, and samosas… plus a drink.  Guess what I had?


That’s right.  My old friend Mountain Dew was there to greet me on my travels.  It was a special moment for us as we enjoyed that meal together.  But there was something really amazing about that meal… something about it was just perfect… and I couldn’t quite place it… and that’s when my glass of Mountain Dew looked up at me and said, “It’s because I have real sugar… no high fructose corn syrup.”





Me: Seriously?


M Dew:  Of course I’m serious, would I lie to you?


Me:  No, no you wouldn’t!


M Dew:  And saddle up good buddy.  The good folks over here, in this part of the world, love me just as much as you do!  I’ll be waiting for you when you get off the plane in Islamabad, too.


Me:  Oh, Mountain Dew, you’re my best friend!


Yep… this is pretty much how I remember the conversation going… I should probably also tell you that I hadn’t slept for about 24 hours at that point… so… yeah.


But even if I was mildly delusional at the time, Mountain Dew was right!  He was waiting for me in Islamabad!  It’s a very popular beverage over here.  


Despite all of our differences, Mountain Dew is really something that we all have in common… and can possibly build from! 


I call it, Mountain Dewplomacy.


BTW:  We’ll just leave out the fact that Mountain Dew was originally intended to be a Whiskey chaser, okay?  We don’t need to bring that up… because… you know… some folks don’t dig the moonshine.

Day 977: Washington, DC and… Mexican Food?

I’ve been reminiscing about food again.  


I don’t know what my problem is… maybe it’s the large amount of curry I’ve been eating over the last seven month… perhaps it’s the fact that I’ve started to really enjoy the burritos, quesadillas, and fajitas at the Islamabad American Club… even though… there is something… not… quite… right about them.  


I don’t know.  


I think there is some strange alien creature inside me who NEEDS Mexican Food... and that alien is crying, because he knows that come July, just before the whole Schutz clan heads back to Atlanta for our much needed Home Leave, we’re going to spend two weeks in Washington, DC for some training classes… thus denying my alien belly the amazing goodness that is Authentic Mexican cuisine.    


Now, I could be wrong, and please God I hope I am, and someone PLEASE point me in the correct direction, but I have yet to find a quality Mexican restaurant in Washington, DC.  


Sure, I’ve found some passable Tex-Mex chains like Chevy Chase, but my problem with chains is that they’re a bit too much Tex and not enough Mex.  But, I also own the fact that I’m picky.  


The last time we were in DC, we stopped at an authentic looking ‘Mexican’ restaurant complete with an authentic looking ‘Mexican’ menu… with some other Latin offerings, like paella.  


Now, the inclusion of the paella was a red flag.  You see, most ‘Mexicans’ running ‘Mexican’ restaurants in Washington, DC aren’t really Mexicans.  They are normally Central and South Americans pretending to be ‘Mexican’ because it’s a more popular cuisine.  In reality, Central and South American’s have very different diets and for the most part they don’t understand Mexican food… which is why it’s so hard to find authentic Mexican food in Washington, DC.


So, to be safe I went with the Seafood Paella.  I figured if Paella was on the menu I should stay away from Mexican dishes and since we were on the coast the seafood should be good.  Well… the paella was over salted and they used frozen seafood.  Yeah… it wasn’t good.  There is just something about chewy mussels and scallops that just don’t do it for me.  


However, I fared much better than Serena who went with the Burrito.  And I know what you’re probably thinking… Burrito’s are easy, how bad could it be?  Well, Serena’s Burrito came stuffed with dry over cooked chicken and bit of raw carrots and broccoli.  That’s right… RAW BROCCOLI!  


Listen, carrots are bad enough, that’s what we’ve come to expect when eating ‘Mexican’ in Europe… but raw Broccoli?  That’s just strange!  Am I wrong?  Have I been out of the States for too long?  Are raw broccoli burritos all the rage these days?  I don’t know about you… but that’s just plain old gross! 


I don’t know… I’m starting to think I should cut European ‘Mexican’ chef’s a break… because I’ve had a LOT of bad Mexican food overseas… but NONE has been as bad as I’ve had in Washington, DC.


And for that… my alien belly weeps.

Day 976: Our Travel Map

I found this and thought it would be fun... we certainly have a lot more to see.

Create your own travel map

SchutzHappens has traveled to: Austria, Bahamas, Belgium, Canada, Croatia, France, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Ireland, Italy, Kenya, Luxembourg, Mexico, Montenegro, Netherlands, Pakistan, Portugal, Qatar, Serbia, Slovenia, South Africa, Spain, Suriname, Switzerland, Tanzania, Trinidad And Tobago, Turkey, United Arab Emirates, United States, Vatican City,  USA States: Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming

Day 975: Internet Installation… Ummm… Yeah

So a while back everyone seemed to enjoy the piece I wrote about my stove and kitchen counter tops… well, I have another one for you about the installation of my internet and cable.


Now, those of you who are Foreign Service will know that internet is the most important thing to have up and running when you get to a new post and I know this has been the subject of numerous post on SchutzHappens… but seriously, it’s impossible to overstate the importance of internet.  It’s essentially your life blood and connection to the outside world… and for the first month (and a couple days) I was in Pakistan, I didn’t have it.  


Now, the first obstacle in getting internet is learning to navigate the local market.  The Embassy does not provide personal internet so you have to figure out your options and enter into a contract with a local provider.  And figuring out how to do this can be tricky and for some reason other Americans, who have already done the research, don’t seem interested in doing anything except point you in vague directions… I’m not sure why, but this has been the case at two of my postings.  But, if there is one thing us government folks are good at… it’s reinventing the wheel.


Anyway, when I finally figured out what my options were in Pakistan and who I needed to talk too I had already lost a week of precious communication time with my family.    And well… the guy at the provider in charge of diplomatic accounts didn’t seem to care about making a sale either.  Whenever I called him, and he actually answered, he refused to talk to me and would rattle off an email address, his personal email address that I could never jot down correctly because of his frantic speaking pace and he would hang up on me after rattling it off.  The first time I called I didn’t believe he was legit, but everyone assured me I had called the correct guy.


On my FIFTH call I finally had to tell him to stop talking and say, “If you are really going to refuse to talk to me on the phone, then you need to SLOW DOWN and give me your email letter by letter.”  Which he did… for the first three letters and then he would revert back to the same unintelligible speed.  But my persistence paid off and I FINALLY made email contact… and a week later he responded.


After two weeks of not being able to Skype with my family, Mr. Q, the internet provider diplomatic account rep, had finally sent me a contract to sign, which I did, and returned.  Mr. Q confirmed the receipt of my contract a few days later and told me someone would be in touch to schedule the installation.  Vague!


Another week passed… and Mr. Q was no longer answering my email or his phone.  ZERO communication.  And whenever I contacted the main customer service center and they found out I was a diplomat, they would tell me to contact Mr. Q.  


Another week passed (and if you’re counting we’re now up to a month) and I couldn’t take it anymore.  If Mr. Q had such terrible communication and customer service skills I figured this deficit wasn’t limited to customers alone, but also the folks he works with… so on the Friday of my fourth week I called customer service with a new strategy:  “Yes, I’ve already talked to Mr. Q, he said the installation was supposed to be yesterday, but no one showed up.”


Okay… I know.  I totally lied.  I have mixed feelings about it.  On one side I don’t feel bad because I don’t think Mr. Q would have ever helped me set up the installation.  But, on the other side, the guys at the provider’s customer service hotline are AWESOME!  Honestly, they can help with anything from billing to technical assistance… they have really bailed me out a number of times… so I kind of feel bad about lying to them.  But just a little.


Anyway, the guys at customer service said they would look into it and call me back.  30 minutes later I received a phone call… there was an installer at my house ready to work.  Seriously.


Now, of course, I was at MY work.  I had no way of letting this guy in, but a local friend was available to help me out, thank God… because the installation took six days over the course of three weeks.  Yeah… that’s right.  six days… three weeks.  And honestly, I don’t think I wanted anything too fancy.  I wanted cable run to three rooms and internet run to two (I’m not greedy, I’m in a multiunit house and my goal was to wire the whole house at once).


And for the sake of the story, I’ll break the rooms down for you:


Room 1: Internet and Cable
Room 2: Cable Only
Room 3: Internet and Cable 


When I got home that Friday night I was so excited!  INTERNET!


But I had nothing.  According to my buddy, the installer only had time to run the wires to my house and needed to come back the following week to batch the house into the grid at the street.  Okay… I guess that makes sense.  Although, when my brother-in-law worked for Dish Network he could wire an entire house from start to finish by himself in one day… but okay, we’re not in the States, and I’ll go with the flow… for another weekend of no connectivity.


However, I got curious and decided to check out the installers work.  Which I found very shocking and so simplistic that I still can’t imagine it taking longer than an hour or two.  


Essentially, on the first day, the installer ran a master internet/cable line to Room 1, where I found the junction box and modem behind the TV.  


Now, in The States, we’re used to installers creating junction outlets in the walls so we can connect wires of any length we want into the wall junction and go about our merry happy lives… but as I inspected the work behind the TV I noticed something strange in the wall… a hole that had been puttied closed… with wires coming through it.  No connector… just ends of various wires.


I also notices the absence of the internet router needed to send the signal to the rest of the house… but I did notice an Ethernet wire connected to the modem exiting through the same puttied hole I described before.


Outside, I traced this wire to the exterior of Room 2, where I found another puttied hole… and inside THAT room, I found the router hanging on the wall.  And if you are keeping score, Room 2 was supposed to get cable, not internet, and Room 3 had nothing.


Installation Day 2 (Four days later):  When I came home that Tuesday we had been patched to the grid and I had Cable in Room 1 and Internet in Room 2.  I was told that the installer would be back the next day to complete the work.


Installation Day 3 (Two days later): The installer ran a cable line from Room 1 to Room 2.  So, I now had Cable in Room 1, Internet and Cable in Room 2, and still nothing in Room 3.  Mildly annoyed, I took it upon myself to move the internet router from Room 2 to Room 1… so now, we’re two thirds complete.


Installation Day 4 (A week later):  The installer never came back.  My buddy who had been helping me out called the installer directly (they had been coordinating the install directly with each other) but the installer said the third room wasn’t on his list so I would have to contact customer service again to get the work authorized… which I did and on the installers fourth visit he ran an Ethernet cable from Room 1 to Room 3.  (Thank God I moved the router, because it would have been difficult to move it once the other Ethernet wire was puttied into place.


Installation Day 5 (Two days later): The installer ran a cable wire from Room 1 to Room 3.


Installation Day 6 (Two days later):  The installer connected both Ethernet and cable in Room 3.


Done!  And it all works perfectly!  And if you think I was exaggerating… here an interior picture of Room 1.  I would love to share more pictures, like of all the wires strung around the exterior of the house or the absurdity of the junction box at the street… but I’m tiring to keep a low profile over here, so I’m going to bypass exterior shots.