Day 1259: Second Annual ‘Hug Against Hate’ Award – Matt Harding

Well, I know I promised to only post ‘The Chair’ until it’s done… but seriously.  There is no end in sight and I should probably spin the whole story off onto its own dedicated blog, but by the time I have time to do that, the story will be close to over anyway… so please, forgive the interruption.

Anyway, today is my birthday!  Happy birthday to me!

And if you read the blog last year, you’ll know that I have decided to do something different, in relation to the blog, every year on my birthday.  Here is a quote from last year’s post:

“I would focus on something more positive.  After all, it’s the end of the year, so why don’t we honor someone who is doing something amazing to unite the world?  There are tons of people doing incredibly simple, yet powerfully inspiring work that should be recognized.  So, from now on, on my birthday, I’m going to give out the ‘SchutzHappens Hug Against Hate’ Award”

And in keeping with that tradition, I would like to close the year honoring video game developer Matt Harding, who is best known dancing horribly all around the world.

Now, I’ve talked about Matt, and his website www.wherethehellismatt.com a couple times on SchutzHappes (Day 712 and Day 798) and I just can’t get over his amazing spirit and sense of humor.  I highly recommend everyone visit his website’s ‘About Me’ page.  And you should also check out his ‘Journal’. 

And if you aren’t familiar with his hilariously simple, yet awe-inspiring, contribution to making this world a smaller place and his dedication to getting American’s to travel abroad more… you should really check out his videos:

Amazing simple, right?  Did you get goose bumps?  I always do and I’ve seen his videos a lot.  Interestingly enough, Matt has started lecturing about his travel experiences and talking about how he’s able to bring so many people together to make such silly internet videos.  Has now has an entire lecture series available on youtube, but this is his first quick and dirty talk:

BTW: Matt welcomed a new member to his family, his son Max, on April 30^th… which is way cooler than my silly little award.

Congratulations Matt and keep on trucking!  Kids are very adaptable to traveling as long as you just do it!  (Although traversing international airports with children is probably the most stressful thing you will ever do, but it’s totally worth it!

Day 1251: The Chair, Part 42 – The Cushion

It didn’t take us long to fine aisle 21.  And they even had a display version of the rocker I wanted at the top of the aisle so Costello and I were able to find the box we needed rather quickly.

However… there was a problem.

The whole point of going to IKEA in the first place, despite our blood sweat and tears, was to get the best possible deal. And for those of you familiar with IKEA and their ‘Poang’ series of arm chairs, you’ll know that the chair, itself, is nothing more than a frame and pretty much useless without a cushion… and the cushions are sold separately.

At the time, IKEA had the plain, off-white, ‘Poang’ cushions on sale for £10, (roughly $15.00).  Plus, since the rocking chair frame was also on sale, I was looking to get the whole set for around £75 - £80, (roughly $120.00, which is less than what it costs on IKEA’s website today and way less than the $550.00 a glider chair would cost at Hammond’s Department Store).  So yeah, I thought I was getting a great deal, which was why I ventured out to IKEA in the first place! 

Well… have you ever heard of a bait and switch?  Yeah… well listen to this:

After Costello and I grabbed the box containing the rocking chair frame, we ventured down to the other end of aisle 21 to find the cushions; however, there were not any of the $15.00 plain off-white cushions available, only very expensive printed cushions… all ranging in the £60 - £75 range (roughly $105.00).

In sheer panic and desperation, do to my IKEA delirium and intense cheapness, I continued to look for the cushion I wanted and I noticed two things:

1.  IKEA had about 20 ‘Poang’ chairs scattered around the warehouse on display and every single one of them had an off-white cushion with a sign reading, “Only £10!” 

2.  At the very top of the enormous shelves of aisle 21, I noticed a stack of the off-white cushions I wanted.

So, I ran to get a warehouse clerk who told me, “I’m sorry we are out of those cushions”.

Me:  “What about the cushions on the display?  I’m more than happy to buy one that is already open.”

Clerk:  “No, I am sorry, we can’t sell display models.”

Me:  “Well, what about the ones on top of the shelves?”

Clerk:  “Where.”

I led the warehouse clerk to where I saw the cushions, perched way at the top of the aisle 21 shelving unit… probably a full story up.

The clerk seems surprised.  “It looks like it is your lucky day… I will need to get a crane to get them down.”

“Yes, please, I’ll wait.  Thank you!”

I got very excited as I watched the warehouse clerk go over to talk to the crane operator.  And Costello went to scope out checkout lines… we were going to make a mad dash as soon as we had a cushion in our hot little hands.

Then… all of a sudden the clerk came back, “I’m sorry, those are not cushion.”

Me:  (Shocked)… “Then what are they?”

Clerk:  “Mattresses”.

I was terrible confused.  “Mattresses?  I don’t see any mattresses in this aisle.”

Clerk:  “They are up there”.

Me:  “No, I mean on display… down low for people to buy.”

Clerk:  “That is because mattresses are normally kept on aisle 18.”

Me:  “But you are keeping extras in aisle 21?”

Clerk:  “Yes sir, I am sorry.”

Me:  “Mattresses with cresses in the exact same places as chair cushions?”  (I could see the cresses from the floor).

Clerk:  (letting go of a nervous laugh), “They are special mattresses for babies.”

Me:  “You mean a crib mattress?”

When I threw out the term ‘crib mattress’ the clerk seemed even more uncomfortable… like he had miss judged two random American guys and had been caught in a lie… he quickly said, “I am very busy, I must be going,” and disappeared.

I was stunned.  But I was I was stuck.  In the States, I would probably have thrown in the towel and worried about it later… but I didn’t know London well enough for back-up options.

Costello was getting antsy because we were burning lots of time.

We had already invested over two hours to get this chair… by God I was not about to go home empty handed.  So… I did the math… I could still get the chair frame and the overpriced cushion for around $200.00, which was still a lot less than buying the $550.00 glider chair at Hammonds. 

So we grabbed everything we needed, paid, and darted out into the cold rainy night. 

We made much better time on the way back… and by the time we got back to my apartment, the rain had stopped… but we didn’t have time to breath, let alone eat… we only had thirty minutes to get across town for out Jack the Ripper Walking Tour.

So we darted back out into the night.

Unfortunately… Costello and I were so cold, tired and hungry that we didn’t really enjoy the tour.

Day 1248: The Chair, Part 41 – ‘Lost’ in IKEA

I feel bad.  If I had know that Costello has never been to an IKEA before I wouldn’t have taken him.  I never wanted to be the person who ruins anyone’s world view… but apparently it was meant to be.

We were running late… waiting for the nonexistent IKEA shuttle had set-up us back considerably.  And not only did we need to buy the rocking chair… we also needed to take it all the way back through the Underground to our flat in the city, get dinner, and then trek across town to make our ‘Jack the Ripper Walking Tour’ which was scheduled to start at 7pm.  It was already 4:30pm… and it had taken us almost two hours to get there.  We were on a mission… and we couldn’t be stopped.

As I led Costello through the winding aisle of IKEA, at close to a jogs pace, is when I realized Costello was an IKEA newbie.   At my heels he kept asking, “Where are you going?”  “Shouldn’t we ask someone?”

At first I just ignored him… focused solely on finding the chair I wanted on the showroom floor.

Costello:  “Dude, we need to ask someone!”

Me: (Finally), “You have to trust me; I know what I’m doing.”

Costello became even more confused when I grabbed a pad of paper and a golf pencil off the wall without breaking my stride… and then finally came to a stop at the chair I wanted.

As I wrote down the item number, Costello tried to catch his breath… but then I darted off again.  And this time Costello became increasingly confused.  “Where are you going!?!  You really need to ask someone!”

Me:  (Calling behind me), “I know where I’m going, come on!”

Costello:  “But the chair was back there!”

Me:  “I know, but that was the display model, we need to get to the warehouse!”

Must like my first trip to IKEA, Costello just couldn’t seem to wrap his brain around the experience… especially at the pace we were plodding through.  And his confusion and concern heightened every time we turned a corner and found more random displays and bins of stuff:  Office furniture… kids bedding… house wares…

Costello:  “We’re going the wrong way.”

Me:  “No we’re not… you have to trust me.  Come on!”

Honestly, it really felt like we were running for thirty minutes.  And all the while… with every stride, Costello was the voice of descent… not trusting… not understanding… and I just kept going, unwaivered by his calls to ask for help.  And in his disorientation… his only choice was to keep pace and follow.

And then… finally… we rounded a corner and BAM!

We were in the warehouse… Costello stopped for a split second, his jaw opened… and it only took him a second to find his words… “You have to be kidding me…”

Me:  “Come on!  We need aisle 21!!!  Aisle 21!

Day 1236: SchutzHappens, November 2011 - Beautiful Day

Day 1220: The Chair, Part 40 – The Curse of Being Thrifty

The lengths Serena and I have gone in order to save a few bucks tend to borderline on the absurd. 

In order to save money on our first house, we opted to do the renovations ourselves… although neither of us had ever tiled anything beyond a six inch mosaic square in an art class.

On our first trip overseas (before joining the service and after having Grayson) we decided a 6 hours layover after an 11+ hour flight was doable… since the layover would also come with a minimal cost savings.

While on our six week Home Leave to Atlanta… we decided not to rent a car.

Hey!  Let’s setup our own wedding!  (The Chair, Part 3)

And when we needed a stroller in London, we ask our friends to bring one with him…

For some reason, when it comes to saving money, Serena and I still behave as if we are poor college kids just trying to scrap by… then again we have two kids and a mortgage payment… so… we might not be in college anymore, although I was in the process of writing my Graduate thesis during the time period of ‘The Chair’, we’re still poor in our own minds.

Although… I prefer the term ‘thrifty’… and someday I hope we learn how to do a cost/benefit analysis… because… well… sometimes the savings isn’t worth it.  Like when we need a new rocking chair, because ours is packed in a storage container in Hagerstown, (The Chair, Part 5). 

About a week before Costello arrived with our new stroller, Serena and I had been on a quest of our own.  To find ‘The Chair’… a rocking or gliding nursing chair… and honestly, they were pretty hard to find… and the ones we did weren’t VERY expensive.  The cheapest we could find was at Hammonds, a prominent department store in London, for about £350.00 (roughly $550.00).

Aghast at the price, I suggested we go to IKEA… a suggestion that has become my great folly in life.  With Costello at my side, fresh off the plane/bus/train, I would never have been able to predict how ridiculous our adventure would become… and most importantly, the ridiculous number of blog entries I would get out of this horrible period in my life.

The trip to IKEA took an EXTREMELY long time:

The Chair, Part 1

                The Chair, Part 4

                                The Chair, Part 6

                                                The Chair, Part 9

And there we were… on a cold rainy January evening, somewhere outside London, staring up at the behemoth… the worst place ever created by man has ever created (Part 7 and Part 8)… and we were about to walk into the heart of the beast.

Dang it… why do I need to be so darn thrifty all the time!?!

Day 1207: SchutzHappens, October 2011 – ‘Rain On Me’

Day 1203: The Chair, Part 39 – The Arrival

I think you’re all eating right.

Today I was planning to post our October Family Video, but just before loading it I noticed something didn’t render correctly… so instead… you get another episode of ‘The Chair’.  Lucky you!

So… yeah… Costello spent about seven hours on a full bus with a stroller on his lap… and if this feat of human endurance and commitment weren’t impressive enough on its own, remember, Costello did this right on the heels of some other serious traveling without any sleep.

Now, the timeline has probably seemed a bit farfetched.  To be honest this all happened over a year and a half ago and some of the timing is a bit fuzzy.  So, for this post I went back and found Costello’s old itinerary and things seem to check out.

He started at 3:40pm (EST) the previous day when he flew from Atlanta to Charlotte.  Then, after an hour and a half layover he boarded a second flight leaving at 6:20pm that evening.  His scheduled arrival in London was supposed to be 7:20am (3:20am EST) the following day.  Roughly 12 hours of ‘normal’ scheduled travel time.

But, as we all know… he didn’t make it to London… for quite some time.

So, with the three hours on the tarmac, two wandering around Manchester airport, and seven on the bus… his travel time is up to 24 hours making that about 7pm London time.

To me, this timing sounds about right based on how my day turned out.  You see, as I’ve hinted in previous posts, I had planned to take that day off.  I had originally planned to meet Costello at Victoria Station as he got off the Gatwick Express.  (In previous posts I might have mentioned Heathrow, however, after reexamining his itinerary, Costello was supposed to land at the Gatwick Airport).  And after picking him up, I had planning on just hanging out for the day.  However when his flight was diverted to Manchester to wait out the ‘snow storm’ I decided to go to work until he landed safely in Gatwick and boarded the Express… I figured I would only end up putting in a half day… however… I ended up working the entire day.  A little after 5pm I walked home.

I probably got home around 5:45ish… and during our time in London, we normally ate dinner about an hour or so after I got home.  And that faithful day, Costello called around the tail end of dinner to tell me they were finally pulling into the Gatwick Airport.  He called again about twenty minutes later to tell me he had boarded the Gatwick Express.  And that is when I left to meet him at Victoria Station. 

About 30 or 45 minutes later, Costello arrived in Victoria Station.

Now… as you can imagine, after a journey like this we probably shared a very Hollywood-style reunion.  The two of us running through a crowded British train station trying to seek each other out while violin music soared to a crescendo… calling each other’s names loudly and rushing together for a well earned man-hug.   

Well… this is probably how the story will end when Brian Grazer finds my blog and hires Ben Stiller to play Costello. 

But, no… that’s not what really happened.  Sure the train station was crowded… and British.  And I we did have trouble finding each other… but when we finally connected there was no man-hug.  No, Costello simply shoved a large plastic bundle into my arms and said, “Here’s you f---ing stroller.”