Day 1274: The Chair, Part 44a – The Gumtree

So… the night I assembled the IKEA chair, I went to bed with a sense of accomplishment.  My mission was complete.  I had fought for the chair, carried it through the city on a cold and rainy evening… I had earned a well deserved rest.  And honestly, I was exhausted.  Between Costello’s visit, work, entertaining Grayson, and the chair… I was beat… and the night I assembled the chair I went to bed early.

I just wish Serena had gone to bed as well.

No… Serena stayed up… she surfed the net… and her unspoken dissatisfaction in the chair I slaved away to get, led her to www.gumtree.com, London’s CraigsList equivalent.  And by the time I woke up the next day my sense of accomplishment and a job well done had long passed… upon hearing Serena’s desire to get a different chair, those positive feelings were replaced by dread and frustration… and a headache… I’m pretty sure a headache was involved.

Now, I will admit.  The IKEA rocking chair was a piece of garbage.  The chair itself was too wide and deep to be an effective nursing chair and the rocking blades were almost flat making the chair more like a ‘wobbler’ than a rocker.  So, in all actuality I don’t blame Serena for being dissatisfied in the least.  I totally understood.  The IKEA ‘wobbling’ chair was a massive disappointment for me as well.

However, my body was not ready to embark on another chair misadventure… especially since I had already been on one Gumtree mission prior to Costello’s arrival.

You see, besides a stroller and a nursing chair… we also needed a bassinet.    And by the time Costello arrived I had already been on an across town adventure to purchase a second hand, waist high, all wood bassinet Serena found on Gumtree. 

Now, the trip for the bassinet wasn’t nearly as dramatic as my trip to IKEA, which is probably why I have shared it until now.

I only had to take a couple buses to an area of town I was already, kind of, familiar with and the couple selling us the bassinet only lived about two blocks from the bus stop.  And in fact, the worst part of this expedition was lugging the bassinet those two blocks... not because the bassinet was too heavy, although it would have been easier with two people, but because it was a pretty awkward carry… especially since I had to balance the legs inside the basket in such a way so they didn’t slide through the slats and onto the ground.  I didn’t even mind the bus rides home.  Sure I had to wait thirty minutes for one of them, but it was a very quiet and pleasant evening, so there weren’t too many people to contend with and my final stop was right across the street from our flat.

So… altogether, this trip wasn’t bad at all; which is probably why I agreed to go to IKEA… plus Costello was there to help and having an extra hand made the trip sound more attractive.  Which… I admit… in hindsight, was a total mistake.

Anyway, on the heels of the bassinet and IKEA… I just wasn’t about to lug another piece of furniture through London’s public transportation system.  If Serena wanted a different chair… we were going to need another method of procurement. 

Because this JohnPaul was exhausted… and tired of being ripped off. 

… If only there was room in my life for both… rest and reasonably priced nursery furniture.  However, there wasn’t room for either.

Day 1272: The Chair, Part 43 – The Screwdriver

Well, it is a new year… and I would like to claim that my new year’s resolution is to be more active on SchutzHappens again, I really would.  I’ve certainly slowed down on my posts since leaving Pakistan… and I besides ‘The Chair’ I really do have a lot of stories to share. 

But honestly, I can’t make any promises. 

You see, over the last few years I’ve been working on a novel and I am determined to complete it and self-publish on Kindle this year.   And with this shift in focus… I probably won’t post of SchutzHappens quite a much, but for those of you who are avid readers, you’ve undoubtedly already noticed this.

But then again, there is something to be said about quality over quantity.  So, in its essence and heart, SchutzHappens is exactly what it has always been… but you’ll probably only get a piece once or twice a week rather than almost every day, like I had been doing.

But, in any case, as always, thanks for reading!

The Chair, Part 43 - The Screwdriver

One thing I should probably mention about our epic journey to IKEA is that it was the last day of Costello’s visit… probably not the best way to end his vacation... but we did get to see a lot while he was in town.  I had taken a few days off from work and we tore the city apart.  BTW: the Churchill War Rooms Museum is one of the more interesting places I’ve ever been… not just in London… but worldwide.  If you find yourself in London make sure you got there.  You’ll thank me!

Anyway, Costello flew back to Atlanta without incident and the task of putting the chair together fell to me… and the best helper any dad could ask for: Grayson, the soon to be big brother.

Now, leading up to this, I was no stranger to putting together IKEA furniture.  I’m pretty visual and handy, so putting things together with only pictures never really bothered me.  However, when it comes to IKEA furniture I was accustom to one thing… having it come with everything I needed to build it… not just the hardware, but the tools as well.  And sure, when I opened ‘The Chair’ I did find the hardware and an allen-wrench… but I also noticed that some of the screws had Phillips-heads on them… and after taking a quick glance at the directions I noticed that a screwdriver was needed for assembly… a screwdriver that was not included in the box.

Hmmm… well… being that we were only temporarily in London and I hadn’t really planned on doing anything overly ambitious with my time there, I hadn’t packed any of my tools for the trip.  So… yeah… I was pretty stuck.

“Luckily”… and I’m using quotes because I don’t believe anything is lucky in this story, but  we just happened to be living in a flat over a hardware store… on Baker Street… in a not so cheap part of town.  They, of course, had a screwdriver for sale… and… well… it only cost about £18.00… which was close to $30.00 at the time.  And well… after everything I had already gone through to get ‘The Chair’ in the first place, I really didn’t have a choice.  So… I bought it… begrudgingly.

Grayson was a wonderful assistant, as seen in our family video posted on Day 572.  We quickly assembled the chair and Serena took it for a test drive… and… well… she didn’t like it.  At all.  She didn’t want it… and as the video on Day 572 reveals… she set out to find a new chair.

Day 1266: SchutzHappens, December 2011 - "Don't Stop Believin'"

Day 1259: Second Annual ‘Hug Against Hate’ Award – Matt Harding

Well, I know I promised to only post ‘The Chair’ until it’s done… but seriously.  There is no end in sight and I should probably spin the whole story off onto its own dedicated blog, but by the time I have time to do that, the story will be close to over anyway… so please, forgive the interruption.

Anyway, today is my birthday!  Happy birthday to me!

And if you read the blog last year, you’ll know that I have decided to do something different, in relation to the blog, every year on my birthday.  Here is a quote from last year’s post:

“I would focus on something more positive.  After all, it’s the end of the year, so why don’t we honor someone who is doing something amazing to unite the world?  There are tons of people doing incredibly simple, yet powerfully inspiring work that should be recognized.  So, from now on, on my birthday, I’m going to give out the ‘SchutzHappens Hug Against Hate’ Award”

And in keeping with that tradition, I would like to close the year honoring video game developer Matt Harding, who is best known dancing horribly all around the world.

Now, I’ve talked about Matt, and his website www.wherethehellismatt.com a couple times on SchutzHappes (Day 712 and Day 798) and I just can’t get over his amazing spirit and sense of humor.  I highly recommend everyone visit his website’s ‘About Me’ page.  And you should also check out his ‘Journal’. 

And if you aren’t familiar with his hilariously simple, yet awe-inspiring, contribution to making this world a smaller place and his dedication to getting American’s to travel abroad more… you should really check out his videos:

Amazing simple, right?  Did you get goose bumps?  I always do and I’ve seen his videos a lot.  Interestingly enough, Matt has started lecturing about his travel experiences and talking about how he’s able to bring so many people together to make such silly internet videos.  Has now has an entire lecture series available on youtube, but this is his first quick and dirty talk:

BTW: Matt welcomed a new member to his family, his son Max, on April 30^th… which is way cooler than my silly little award.

Congratulations Matt and keep on trucking!  Kids are very adaptable to traveling as long as you just do it!  (Although traversing international airports with children is probably the most stressful thing you will ever do, but it’s totally worth it!

Day 1251: The Chair, Part 42 – The Cushion

It didn’t take us long to fine aisle 21.  And they even had a display version of the rocker I wanted at the top of the aisle so Costello and I were able to find the box we needed rather quickly.

However… there was a problem.

The whole point of going to IKEA in the first place, despite our blood sweat and tears, was to get the best possible deal. And for those of you familiar with IKEA and their ‘Poang’ series of arm chairs, you’ll know that the chair, itself, is nothing more than a frame and pretty much useless without a cushion… and the cushions are sold separately.

At the time, IKEA had the plain, off-white, ‘Poang’ cushions on sale for £10, (roughly $15.00).  Plus, since the rocking chair frame was also on sale, I was looking to get the whole set for around £75 - £80, (roughly $120.00, which is less than what it costs on IKEA’s website today and way less than the $550.00 a glider chair would cost at Hammond’s Department Store).  So yeah, I thought I was getting a great deal, which was why I ventured out to IKEA in the first place! 

Well… have you ever heard of a bait and switch?  Yeah… well listen to this:

After Costello and I grabbed the box containing the rocking chair frame, we ventured down to the other end of aisle 21 to find the cushions; however, there were not any of the $15.00 plain off-white cushions available, only very expensive printed cushions… all ranging in the £60 - £75 range (roughly $105.00).

In sheer panic and desperation, do to my IKEA delirium and intense cheapness, I continued to look for the cushion I wanted and I noticed two things:

1.  IKEA had about 20 ‘Poang’ chairs scattered around the warehouse on display and every single one of them had an off-white cushion with a sign reading, “Only £10!” 

2.  At the very top of the enormous shelves of aisle 21, I noticed a stack of the off-white cushions I wanted.

So, I ran to get a warehouse clerk who told me, “I’m sorry we are out of those cushions”.

Me:  “What about the cushions on the display?  I’m more than happy to buy one that is already open.”

Clerk:  “No, I am sorry, we can’t sell display models.”

Me:  “Well, what about the ones on top of the shelves?”

Clerk:  “Where.”

I led the warehouse clerk to where I saw the cushions, perched way at the top of the aisle 21 shelving unit… probably a full story up.

The clerk seems surprised.  “It looks like it is your lucky day… I will need to get a crane to get them down.”

“Yes, please, I’ll wait.  Thank you!”

I got very excited as I watched the warehouse clerk go over to talk to the crane operator.  And Costello went to scope out checkout lines… we were going to make a mad dash as soon as we had a cushion in our hot little hands.

Then… all of a sudden the clerk came back, “I’m sorry, those are not cushion.”

Me:  (Shocked)… “Then what are they?”

Clerk:  “Mattresses”.

I was terrible confused.  “Mattresses?  I don’t see any mattresses in this aisle.”

Clerk:  “They are up there”.

Me:  “No, I mean on display… down low for people to buy.”

Clerk:  “That is because mattresses are normally kept on aisle 18.”

Me:  “But you are keeping extras in aisle 21?”

Clerk:  “Yes sir, I am sorry.”

Me:  “Mattresses with cresses in the exact same places as chair cushions?”  (I could see the cresses from the floor).

Clerk:  (letting go of a nervous laugh), “They are special mattresses for babies.”

Me:  “You mean a crib mattress?”

When I threw out the term ‘crib mattress’ the clerk seemed even more uncomfortable… like he had miss judged two random American guys and had been caught in a lie… he quickly said, “I am very busy, I must be going,” and disappeared.

I was stunned.  But I was I was stuck.  In the States, I would probably have thrown in the towel and worried about it later… but I didn’t know London well enough for back-up options.

Costello was getting antsy because we were burning lots of time.

We had already invested over two hours to get this chair… by God I was not about to go home empty handed.  So… I did the math… I could still get the chair frame and the overpriced cushion for around $200.00, which was still a lot less than buying the $550.00 glider chair at Hammonds. 

So we grabbed everything we needed, paid, and darted out into the cold rainy night. 

We made much better time on the way back… and by the time we got back to my apartment, the rain had stopped… but we didn’t have time to breath, let alone eat… we only had thirty minutes to get across town for out Jack the Ripper Walking Tour.

So we darted back out into the night.

Unfortunately… Costello and I were so cold, tired and hungry that we didn’t really enjoy the tour.

Day 1248: The Chair, Part 41 – ‘Lost’ in IKEA

I feel bad.  If I had know that Costello has never been to an IKEA before I wouldn’t have taken him.  I never wanted to be the person who ruins anyone’s world view… but apparently it was meant to be.

We were running late… waiting for the nonexistent IKEA shuttle had set-up us back considerably.  And not only did we need to buy the rocking chair… we also needed to take it all the way back through the Underground to our flat in the city, get dinner, and then trek across town to make our ‘Jack the Ripper Walking Tour’ which was scheduled to start at 7pm.  It was already 4:30pm… and it had taken us almost two hours to get there.  We were on a mission… and we couldn’t be stopped.

As I led Costello through the winding aisle of IKEA, at close to a jogs pace, is when I realized Costello was an IKEA newbie.   At my heels he kept asking, “Where are you going?”  “Shouldn’t we ask someone?”

At first I just ignored him… focused solely on finding the chair I wanted on the showroom floor.

Costello:  “Dude, we need to ask someone!”

Me: (Finally), “You have to trust me; I know what I’m doing.”

Costello became even more confused when I grabbed a pad of paper and a golf pencil off the wall without breaking my stride… and then finally came to a stop at the chair I wanted.

As I wrote down the item number, Costello tried to catch his breath… but then I darted off again.  And this time Costello became increasingly confused.  “Where are you going!?!  You really need to ask someone!”

Me:  (Calling behind me), “I know where I’m going, come on!”

Costello:  “But the chair was back there!”

Me:  “I know, but that was the display model, we need to get to the warehouse!”

Must like my first trip to IKEA, Costello just couldn’t seem to wrap his brain around the experience… especially at the pace we were plodding through.  And his confusion and concern heightened every time we turned a corner and found more random displays and bins of stuff:  Office furniture… kids bedding… house wares…

Costello:  “We’re going the wrong way.”

Me:  “No we’re not… you have to trust me.  Come on!”

Honestly, it really felt like we were running for thirty minutes.  And all the while… with every stride, Costello was the voice of descent… not trusting… not understanding… and I just kept going, unwaivered by his calls to ask for help.  And in his disorientation… his only choice was to keep pace and follow.

And then… finally… we rounded a corner and BAM!

We were in the warehouse… Costello stopped for a split second, his jaw opened… and it only took him a second to find his words… “You have to be kidding me…”

Me:  “Come on!  We need aisle 21!!!  Aisle 21!

Day 1236: SchutzHappens, November 2011 - Beautiful Day