I freely admit that I am a people watcher. It’s part of my whole Theatre background. But, this week’s Wacky Website takes people watching to a whole new level. A horrifyingly creepy level.
It’s hard to describe the awesomeness of this site… it pretty much speaks for itself. So… ladies and gentlemen… I present to you: www.peopleofwalmart.com.
Happy Tater Day everyone!
Ummm… yeah… so this show is still on? Hasn’t “Dancing with the Stars” run its course? Sure, Serena and I watched this show religiously… for a while. However, as the seasons have progressed the producers of DWTS seem to be loosening the definition of its key component: “Star”.
This season boasts 11 contestants… and frankly, only 3 of them are interesting:
1) Buzz Aldrin, celebrating the 50 year anniversary of the moon landings.
2) Evan Lysacek, right on the heels of Gold Medal in Vancouver.
3) Chad Ochocinco, the hilarious Wide-Receiver from the Cincinnati Bengals.
These three guys make the cut in my books. They are relevant. Now let’s take a moment to discuss the irrelevant:
1) Jake Pavelka, last season’s “Bachelor”… I’m not quite sure… but I checked my watch and it looks like Jake already used his 15 minutes.
2) Kate Gosselin, another reality show “star” who hasn’t gotten the memo. Hell, I think she stole my 15 minutes!
3) Niecy Nash, Huh? The reality show host from TLC? What, DWTS felt the need for the trifecta of lame? A reality contestant, a reality doc subject, AND a reality host?
4) Pamela Anderson, besides being a testament of Disney Corp’s family values, do you know what Pamela’s last television project was? Two years ago Pamela was a contestant on Big Brother – Australia. She was voted out in three days. And we all know about her reality video.
5) Shannon Doherty, Okay it’s getting even more annoying… Shannon makes the THIRD Beverly Hills 90210 alum to complete on DWTS… However, not to be outdone, Shannon has also posed for Playboy AND hosted a reality show on Syfy! Oh… and she “done time”… as we learned from Little Kim, American’s love women who’ve been in prison.
6) Erin Andrews, Ummm… she’s an ESPN reporter… who also has a Playboy connection… who made headlines when someone released an unauthorized “peepshow” video of her in a hotel room. So… I guess she’s done reality television too.
7) Aiden Turner, an out of work Soap Actor. Seriously, he left ABC’s “All My Children” in December to pursue other projects… like… other DWTS.
Frankly, it seems like what started out as a good idea has become the place where reality stars and out of work actors go to die. My neighbor’s dad was recently interviewed by a local news station while on a fishing trip. Honestly, he has more credentials than some of these jokers!
The most perplexing member of this motley crew is the eleventh and final contestant: Nicole Scherzinger, a professional singer and dancer who has toured with Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, and is currently “frontwoman” for the Pussycat Dolls. Or as I like to refer to her: “The Ringer”.
Honestly folks, is there any redeeming quality to DWTS anymore? The formula is so great! But it is losing relevance.
When “The Mole” and “The Apprentice” started losing viewership they turned away from “average-joe” contestants and embraced the VH1 way of doing things by championing Celebrity Editions. This works for them because their shows were crap to begin with.
There is a reason why Survivor hasn’t done a Celebrity edition… and it’s not because they don’t have Celebrities interested in doing it… it’s because they don’t have too. The same thing goes with “The Amazing Race,” although they tend to throw in one or two pseudo-Celebrity teams each season… it doesn’t affect the relevancy of the show.
But DWTS has a proven formula comparable to Survivor, The Amazing Race, and American Idol. However, their formula has become flawed over time. The professional dancers have become more famous than the craptastic D-Grade Celebrities they are forced to dance with. This is a major problem and probably the root cause of my frustration with the show.
So, perhaps a shift in the opposite direction of “The Mole” would be successful. What makes reality television so great is getting to see ordinary people do extraordinary things... for money.
What do you think would happen to DWTS if they took 12 average folks, assigned them one of the professional dancers we all know and love, and said the winner gets a million dollars?
I, for one, predict higher ratings… which mean higher revenue generation via advertising sales.
But who am I to judge? I’d still just TiVo it and zip through the commercials.
So, when I started my studies at the College of Charleston I took a room in Wentworth dorm and I was assigned the world worst roommate. To this day I am confused by our pairing. Apparently, CofC took my “ideal roommate personality” form, plugged the information into a super computer, and lit the computer on fire before throwing it off the top of the Empire State Building. This guy was the complete opposite of who I wanted to share space with. We’ll call him “Creep-Monkey”.
Anyway, Creep-Monkey had the strangest nightly tradition. Without fail, he would go out and get hammered. And then around 2 o’clock in the morning he would come home to our tiny walk-in closet of a dorm room. Struggle to get his keys in the door… normally dropping them multiple times… and when he finally opened the door the first thing he would do is turn the light on. I would normally react by covering my face with a pillow and he would say something unintelligible that kind of sounded like, “Uuu… oh… you asleep?” And then he would just stand there for a minute waiting for a response. The concept of “rhetorical” was lost on him.
Eventually Creep-Monkey would turn the light off. However, he never went to bed. He would sit down at the computer to play solitary and chain smoke for about an hour or two. The combination of the clicking and ashing never lead to a good night’s sleep for yours truly. But there wasn’t much point to going to sleep anyway, someone in the building usually set off the fire alarm by the time Creep-Monkey started exploring the idea of sleep.
Why am I sharing this story with you as part of “The Birth Experience” Series? Well, because my two nights in Northside Hospital’s Post-Partum Unit is the closest thing I’ve experienced to living with Creep-Monkey since college.
Seriously, every 45 minutes to an hour, a nurse would come into our room making zero attempts to keeping her presence unknown. And each time the nurse would purposefully wake Serena or Grayson to perform some “very important” task. They would check Serena’s blood pressure one hour and comeback the next hour to check her temperature. They would come to make sure Grayson had a clean diaper one hour and come back the next hour to make sure he wasn’t hungry. Each hourly visit would be from a different nurse performing a different task. This would go on all night long. And every time they would wheel some monstrous devise into the room just for giggles. I swear they even woke Serena up to make sure she was sleeping okay. I swear! In the end, no one slept at all the first few nights.
And by now… I think you’ve gotten the jist of the story. The folks over at St. John and Lizzies pretty much left us alone from 9pm until 6am, unless Serena activated the call button.
And when they did come… they would sneak into the room quietly to see how she was doing. And they would simply listen to her… never once insisting on performing some “important” task.
Train of thought… derailed!
Man, I can’t believe it’s been 23 days since my last birth experience post. Honestly, there aren’t many left in the queue, so I need to bust these bad boys out!
So, I left off in the middle of talking about hospital food options. If you need a refreshers, click “The Birth Experience” under “labels” to access the whole series. But, in a nut-shell: Northside = terrible options.
However, St. John and Lizzies rocked! No they didn’t have a nice cafeteria or a decent selection of restaurants close by… no… the simply understand one key component of care: healthcare isn’t merely about individuals… it’s about families. The hospital staff treated me and Grayson with as much care and respect as they did Serena and Gilliam. This included three hot meals a day ordered off a menu featuring three to five unique options for each meal, each day.
I was pretty blown away. About an hour after Gilliam was born, around 5:30ish, just before Grayson arrived to the hospital, one of the midwives brought a menu and we quickly ordered enough food for the whole family. Shortly after Grayson arrived and met Gilliam for the first time (which is captured in January’s SchutzHappen’s Family Video) a midwife showed us to our Post Partum room and once again I was blown away.
At Northside we spend the two days after Grayson’s birth in a hospital room… I was sleeping on a fold-out chair built in 1960 designed for Pigmies. Behind the door at St. John and Lizzies, I found a room more resembling a hotel room… complete with a king-sized bed.
Furthermore the food we ordered was delivered shortly after our transition to Post Partum and just before bedtime the midwives appeared with floor mattress for Grayson.
After an incredibly exhausting day, the entire family had full tummies and a cozy place to sleep. Together. The way a family should be.
Wow… it was quite the Oscar season, huh?
I’m sure your thinking... I wonder if Schutz got to see the Oscars this year. Well, yes I did. Kind of… most of it. All but about 45 minutes. The 45 minutes the power was off. When power was restored and I got the TiVo up and running again I resumed my recording. Over the course of the next week I slowly made it through what I recorded. Which was pretty much everything except the Ben Stiller Make-Up moment, which I pick-up on youtube. I know. I’m an Oscar freak. There was something oddly comforting about watching the broadcast. When it was over, I felt a certain sense of completeness that I was lacking from the previous year. It was nice. I think my efforts have honored the Oscar gods… and I am confident next year will be better.
However, before I close the door on this year’s Oscar Coverage, I have to address one last thing. It is time for the Academy to pick and groom a host. The part of the broadcast that has been lacking from year to year is the consistency of a strong and likeable host. Every year it’s, “Oh, will John Stewart do a good job?” Or, “Why in the world did they pick Alec Baldwin?” No, America doesn’t want to see someone new every year, America wants someone we can trust and look forward to seeing year after year. In the hands of Bob Hope and Billy Crystal, we never once questioned their ability to host. We knew they would rock the house. Academy, we NEED a house rocker!
Honestly, I really hope their use of Neil Patrick Harris in this year’s opening number wasn’t just an accident. In my heart of hearts, I hope it was a market research test. Is the Academy grooming him? I hope, I hope, I hope!
Bob and Billy left enormous shoes to fill, so rather than continuing to tap Crystal’s contemporaries; it’s time to tap a new generation to take ownership of the Oscars. Neil fits the bill, and he’s only 4 years younger than Billy Crystal when Billy hosted for the first time. Besides, Neil has already had successful turns hosting both the Emmy & Tony awards. Neil embodies the same kind of stage experience, presence and comic charm which hallmarked the Hope and Crystal telecasts. In short, he is road tested and the perfect choice for the next generation of Oscar hosts.
So, I leave you with this. Will the 2011 Oscars be just another broadcast? Or will it be “Legend--- wait for it…”
Two interesting comments have surfaced about Inglourious Bastards.
#1, Pauline has suggested Tarantino never intended for subtitles. This is a very interesting… and annoying idea. I assume Pauline saw the movie in the States… which debunks my European screening idea. Although, I swear I know someone who saw the movie with subtitles. I have to get to the bottom of this. No subtitles would be a very “Tarantino” thing to-do. Doh! That basterd!
#2, Kerry admitted to writing off Tarantino after seeing Kill Bill, Vol. 2. This is shocking to me… since I believe Vol. 2 was better than Vol. 1. David Carradine was AWESOME is Vol. 2!
#3, Has anyone noticed Tarantino’s next two film projects? He just announced he would write and direct “Kill Bill, Vol. 3” for 2014. AND next year he will be lending his voice to “The Smurfs” as Brainy Smurf. Can you say awesome?
