Day 984: Sigh…

Have I told you about the time Grayson was patted down?  Funny story.

Day 983: The Kids in the Hall - Citizen Kane

I’m a huge Kids in the Hall fan and this is my all time favorite sketch.

Day 982: Rappers Delight

Okay, so if you think I throw down random pop culture references on SchutzHappens, you sure meet me in person.  My brain is like a pop culture greeting card… always armed at the ready with complete randomness, that somehow relates to the situation… most of the time.

Well, recently I was in a situation where throwing down some of the lyrics to the Sugarhill Gang’s classic ‘Rappers Delight’ was appropriate.  And the Ambassador looked at me and said, “Hey, that’s pretty catchy, what’s that from?”

(Okay… this conversation wasn’t really with the Ambassador, but it makes the story so much better, so go with me here.)

Me: “What do you mean, Sir?  That’s ‘Rappers Delight’.”

Ambo:  “It’s catchy, is that a new song?”

Me:  “New?  No Sir, it’s from the 70s.  It’s by the ‘Sugarhill Gang’… Seriously?  You’ve never heard ‘Rappers Delight’?

Ambo:  “No, are they good?”

Me:  “Yeah, they’re the first hip-hop group to ever perform on American Bandstand.”

Ambo:  “Wait… who?”

Me:  “The Sugarhill Gang.”

Ambo:  “Hip-hop group?  Are you sure?  I always thought Run-DMC was the first hip-hop act to perform on American Bandstand.”

Me:  “No sir, it was the Sugarhill Gang.”

Ambo:  “I must hear this song!”

Me:  “I’m sure it’s on YouTube, would you like me to load it up?”

Ambo:  “Yes, I would!”

I couldn’t believe it… I thought everyone had heard of Rappers Delight… and there I was with the Ambassador and all of his Front Office staff boogying down to the funky sounds of the Sugarhill Gang.

You should have been there… it was off the hook.  (And completely untrue... I’m pretty sure I had this conversation with an assistant regional security officer without any dancing involved)

However… The Ambo has now decided to have a lycra jumpsuit day, embassy wide… which is awesome!

Day 981: Shopping MADDNESS, ONE STEP BEYOND!

Okay… so I’m not much of a shopper… and I’m pretty frugal when it comes to personal needs.  This is probably understandable, after all responsible frugality seems to come with being a parent. 

Now, I will admit that the only thing that really gets me wound up is electronics.  I’m a total gadget head and Serena has slowly learned to embrace this part of me.  For Christmas last year she got me an amazing coffee maker and this year she got me a Kindle (which I LOVE!!!!). 

Honestly… I get excited when I get a new hard drive.  I’m a very sad and lonely man.  ;)

But, I should also note that I’m NOT a ‘gotta be the first to have it’ gadget monster.  My laptop is almost four years old, which I bought when my previous laptop died (after lasting almost 5 years).  I bought my iPod Touch almost three years ago, not because I wanted an MP3 player, but because I needed a PDA… and after months of research I came to the conclusion that the iPod Touch was the most customizable option for what I wanted to use it for… Seriously, you should see the productivity apps I have loaded on that sucker… I rarely use it for music unless I’m working out, doing the dishes, traveling… or pretending to workout.

Anyway, my point is that even though I’m not afraid to spend a little money on gadgets, I’m NOT the kind of person who needs to constantly replace and upgrade my devices.  If an item still works and is able to do the things I want it to do I’ll keep it until its dead.

However, when it comes to things like clothes, cars, random nice things around the house… fancy vacations… I’m not really into those kinds of things.  Seriously, I’ve been in Pakistan for eight months and I have NOT done anything special for myself.  I just eat, sleep, work, and watch TV… I’m a simple man.

Now, from time to time Serena and I will talk about making some purchases for the home while I’m here; maybe a rug and/or a piece of furniture.  You know; a conversation piece that will commemorate this very strange year.

Truthfully, I’ve been dreading this… because I’m the one that will have to do the shopping.  I don’t want to be the person responsible for picking these things out.  Plus the idea of shopping for carpets and furniture makes my ears bleed… but I guess it’s something I’m just going to have to do…

So… after eight months, I begrudgingly tagged along with a buddy of mine to get an idea of what this who Pakistani carpet buying experience was like… what to expect.

Well… it took me about an hour or so to get into it… and then all of a sudden I saw a rug and thought, “I MUST HAVE THIS RUG!”  And as I wiped the drool from the corners of my mouth I saw another one… and another.  I was paralyzed with carpet greed!

Then I visited a furniture store and thought, “I MUST HAVE THIS CHEST AND ROLLING TEA SERVICE!” 

And THEN when I saw a really nice chess table with hand carved pieces… the man at the shop pulled the table top completely off to reveal an inlayed Backgammon board, with hand carved tiles… AND THEN, the guy flipped the table top over revealing a felt card table… at which point… I fainted.

I’m a monster!  I’m an animal!  I have SHOPPING MADDNESS!

Man… I could really use an ice cream sandwich right about now.  Their only $18 a piece at the commissary… perhaps I will splurge.  .

Day 980: Scrubs and What’s Happening!!

So… with my copious amounts of free time between getting home from work and bedtime, all of about an hour or two each day, I’ve been SLOWLY working my way through the show ‘Scrubs’.

Have you ever watched this show?  For some reason I never got into it during its first run and I’ve been ridiculed by countless friends who consider it one of the best Sitcoms of the 2000s.  Well… now that I’ve FINALLY watched the first season and now working my way through the second, I have to agree with my friends.  It’s really great.

From a theatrical standpoint, I love how the show is narrated from the perspective of J.D. (Zack Braff), which leans itself to both hilarious absurdism and heartfelt realism… the two, sometimes playing hand in hand surprising the audience… at least surprising me.  Sometimes there will be a really nice tender moment between the characters and I’ll be waiting for the joke… the “Just kidding, this was just a dream sequence,” but then, nothing will happen.  The writers will just let the tender moment play out for real which makes it even more powerful.

Good show.

Now, of course, my sense of humor TOTALLY lends itself to the adsurbism.  My favorite reoccurring bits are how Jimmie Walker from ‘Good Times!’ always appears in J.D.’s daydreams AND how the hospitals lawyer is in a barbershop quartet that only performs TV theme song (which somehow accent the episodes theme perfectly).

But you know?  Seeing Jimmie Walker got me thinking.  Whatever happened to Rerun from ‘What’s Happening!!’?  I LOVED Rerun! 

Well… unfortunately, he passed away back in 2003.  We’ll miss you buddy!  Keep on dancing!

Day 979: You know?

I don’t know if you’re anything like me.  I hope you’re not for your own sake, my brain is a scary place and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone…

But, you know?

Have you ever woken up one morning thinking, “Huh?  I wonder… whatever happened to Jonathan Lipnicki?”

It’s just me isn’t it?… my own personal little nightmare.

Day 978: Mountain Dewplomacy

Okay, I’m going to come clean here.  


I have a problem with caffeine.  But it’s under control… sure I’ll drink a couple cups of coffee in the morning, but my Mountain Dew intake is WAY down.   These days, I may have one a couple times a week with lunch, if that.  And if you talk to my old boss, Nelah, from Cobb County, back when I could polish of a 12 pack in a single work day, she’d say I’ve come a long way.


Honestly, living in Belgrade helped me kick the Mountain Dew habit because as a whole, Europeans don’t like it.  Seriously, I have NEVER seen Mountain Dew on the local market in a European country.  And upon arriving in Belgrade, Aleksandar, the commissary manager of fifteen years, was not prepared for the Dew Monsters cycling in to post.


You see, according to Aleksandar, he would buy a couple cases of Mountain Dew each year just to have a little extra variety in his drink coolers and on the shelves.  And for fifteen year he had never sold all of it by the end of that year.  


That is until my alien belly and his friends rolled up in town.  


Apparently, in the winter of 2008, five Mountain Dew drinkers rolled into Belgrade at the same time, taking Aleksandar completely by surprise.  


In less than two weeks, all of the Mountain Dew in Serbia was gone.


Sure, Aleksandar would always order more, but his quarterly shipments from Ramstein never seemed to keep up with demand… and since it wasn’t available on the local market… you simply learn to live without.


That is… until Qatar.


On my way to Islamabad I had a five hour layover in Doha, Qatar, which is actually a very nice little airport with free Wi-Fi, a GREAT cafeteria and a REALLY GREAT dinner special.  For around five bucks, I ended up with a plate full of rice, lamb stew, chickpeas, and samosas… plus a drink.  Guess what I had?


That’s right.  My old friend Mountain Dew was there to greet me on my travels.  It was a special moment for us as we enjoyed that meal together.  But there was something really amazing about that meal… something about it was just perfect… and I couldn’t quite place it… and that’s when my glass of Mountain Dew looked up at me and said, “It’s because I have real sugar… no high fructose corn syrup.”





Me: Seriously?


M Dew:  Of course I’m serious, would I lie to you?


Me:  No, no you wouldn’t!


M Dew:  And saddle up good buddy.  The good folks over here, in this part of the world, love me just as much as you do!  I’ll be waiting for you when you get off the plane in Islamabad, too.


Me:  Oh, Mountain Dew, you’re my best friend!


Yep… this is pretty much how I remember the conversation going… I should probably also tell you that I hadn’t slept for about 24 hours at that point… so… yeah.


But even if I was mildly delusional at the time, Mountain Dew was right!  He was waiting for me in Islamabad!  It’s a very popular beverage over here.  


Despite all of our differences, Mountain Dew is really something that we all have in common… and can possibly build from! 


I call it, Mountain Dewplomacy.


BTW:  We’ll just leave out the fact that Mountain Dew was originally intended to be a Whiskey chaser, okay?  We don’t need to bring that up… because… you know… some folks don’t dig the moonshine.