Day 762: A Break for DiploBall Recruiting

For those of you who have been following SchutzHappens for the last year or so… you’ll know that I’m not all 100% namby-pamby artsy actor boy… No, Sir!  I have a very ‘manly’ side as well.  My friends… I am, of course, talking about good ole American Football.

The season is upon us!  And the time for DiploBall is now! 

I am a pretty avid Fantasy Football enthusiast… however; I don’t really like traditional Fantasy Football.  I enjoy Football Pick ‘Em games.

What is a Football Pick ‘Em game? 

Well, I am glad you asked.  A Football Pick ‘Em game is EASY.  All you have to do is predict the winners of the weekly games… and for each correct prediction you win points.

How many points do I get? 

Good question.  This part of the game separates the true masters of the game and the cannon fodder.  The answer of the question is… YOU!  For each prediction you make, you have to assign a point value. 

If there are 15 games… you would assign 15 points to your most confident prediction.  And then 14 points to your second most confident prediction… all the way down to 1 point for your least confident prediction. 

To break it down even simpler: If pick any team in the NFL to beat the St. Louis Rams, you would assign 15 points.  However, if you are a die-hard Rams fan and would never think of betraying your team by picking them to lose… then you would assign 1 point.

Follow me?  And if you predict correctly, you’ll get the points for that game.  If you get the pick wrong, you don’t get the points. 

It’s that simple.

Football Pick ‘Em is my bread and butter… I play in two different leagues and I’ve been undefeated for two seasons.

FAMILY LEAGUE: There are about twenty people in my family league and we only predict Professional Football Games.

DiploBall: This is a Foreign Service League I started last year for my friends in Belgrade.  Since there was a pretty even split between Pro and College fans in the group we play a Hybrid Game.  Each week we pick all the NFL games and 15 of the top NCAA games.  Last year we had fifteen players and we are currently recruiting for our Second Seasons… we’re already up to 20 players.  Our goal is to have the largest world-wide Football Pick ‘Em league.

Are you up for the challenge?!?

If you win… I’ll mail you the Golden DiploBall of Supremacy.  Which I currently process… because I am awesome.   

If you think you would be more than cannon fodder my mad Football Pickin’ skills… and that you could successfully pry my Golden DiploBall of Supremacy from my cold dead hands… then sign-up! 

Heck, even if you’ll only be cannon fodder… still sign up.  Studies suggest Fantasy Football is an excellent way to network with business colleagues.  And as we all learned yesterday.  The Foreign Service is all about networking. 

And, No, you don’t have to be in the Foreign Service to play DiploBall.  You just have to be willing to lose… badly.

To join, email me at schutzhappens@gmail.com!

Day 761: A Break for Bidding

Okay, “The Chair” is going much longer than I had originally anticipated… which is cool… I am totally in the zone and I am diggin’ it… I hope you are too.  Heck, I’m so engrossed in my own transcendental meanderings (and National Friendship Week) that I completely and totally missed International Suit Up Day, www.suitupday.com.  Will you ever forgive me?  Can we celebrate together next year?  Why would you say that?  I would never forget International Talk like a Pirate Day.  It’s going to be legen--- wait for it—DARY!

Ummm… yeah… sure… huh… nothing could be more appropriate to follow that, then a little shop talk… business… the bane of my existence: Bidding. 

If you are not familiar with the word ‘bidding’ in the context of work then you’re probably not associated with the Foreign Service… or your probably one of the few responsible folks who do all of your eBay shopping at home.

In the Foreign Service, ‘bidding’ refers to the process of choosing our next assignments… our next jobs… our next homes.  It all sounds very glamorous, huh?  Ummm… no.

You see, ‘bidding’ isn’t really bidding at all.  It’s applying for a job.  How do I know this?  Well, the last time I bid on anything, I wasn’t asked to submit an updated resume, references, and an appropriate time for an interview.  These things never happen on eBay!  And most importantly, when I have the winning bid, I’m never invited to go work for the auctioneer!  That happens when I’m offered a job that I apply for. 

And that is what the folks in the Foreign Service do best: apply for jobs.  We’re good at it.  It took a year and a half from the time I submitted my first application to the day I completed all of the rounds of competency test, medical test, security screening, interviews, and flaming potato catching and actually started my new job.  It was intense!  When was the last time you had to pursue a job for a year and a half?  I know!  Crazy-Town!

So, yeah, it totally makes sense… if it takes a year and a half to get the job… why not reapply every two to three years just to keep your job!

.

Okay, I’m better… really I am… . 

Folks, let’s all have a set on the carpet and talk. 

Basic, basic, basic low level Human Recourses ‘THEORY’ states the following:  If two people hold the same position and are of the same pay grade/seniority, in theory, they should be interchangeable.    

What do I mean?  Well, if Grayson and Gilliam are hired as Political Officers and Grayson is a Grade 3/Step 2 and Gilliam is a Grade 3/Step 1 … then Grayson is the more senior Political Officer.  However, if Grayson and Gilliam were both Grade 3/Step 2 Political Officers, theory would suggest they were capable of doing the same job.

However, no one likes to be part of a theory… or thought to be interchangeable… especially in the Foreign Service, so we’ve added an extra layer to the madness.  In order to show his dominance, Grayson must now use his resume, references and superior interview skills to make himself look better than the rest of the Grade 3/Step 2 Political Officers all over the world.

Oh, and there is also another more shameless and somewhat shady side to bidding… it’s called “cashing in on your friendships.”  If you happen to know someone who once knew another person who worked for the guy who used to know the woman who once shared a bagel with the person in charge of hiring for the position you want, then, you can cash in a favor and have all those folks announce how awesome you are and how great of an addition you would be for the Embassy you want to work in.

BTW… have I mentioned my bid list yet?

1.       Montevideo, Uruguay

2.       Panama City, Panama

3.       Lima, Peru

4.       Tallinn, Estonia

5.       Geneva, Switzerland

6.       Brussels, Belgium

Do me a favor… tell them I’m awesome!

“Oh, no he didn’t!”

Oh, yes I did.

Peace out my little Happeners! 

Day 760: The Chair, Part 19 - The Chicken Hierarchy

Whether we like it or not… or even recognize it… there is a hierarchy to everything in life.  And most of the time this hierarchy is self created based on an individual’s personal taste… or more importantly, this personal taste can be shaped by some sort of event or shared experience.

Like food... there are foods you like, there are foods you love, there are foods you don’t love, food you down right hate, and there are foods you don’t mind eating if there is nothing else available.  

For me, I was never a big fan of chicken.  I found it dry, rubbery, and completely devoid of flavor.  I didn’t hate it… I would eat it… but I wouldn’t go out of my way to have it… I would never order chicken at a restaurant.

And then the ‘Event’ happened: A young hot-shot oral surgeon yanked out all four of my impacted wisdom teeth… along with a sizable portion of my jaw bone.  The guy completely messed me up.  What should have been a two and a half day recovery took two and a half months… and more most of that time I could only choke down liquids… chewing hurt way too much.

However, for some reason, the solid food item I craved the most was chicken… but not just any kind of chicken.  I wanted to deep fry a whole chicken.  Which was a strange notion at the time… because I’d never eaten a deep fried chicken.  The only chicken I had ever eaten in my life had been over cooked (dry) in a microwave (rubbery) without the use of salt or other spices (completely devoid of flavor)… yet for some reason, I really wanted a whole deep fried chicken.

Where did it come from?

Well, one of my good theatre buddies, Kevin Robertson (Who just co-starred with Cameron Diaz in a movie called “The Box”) used to tell me these great stories about his family on the holidays.  He’s from a small South Carolina town called Union, and every Thanksgiving, in their back yard, his dad would firer-up their Jacuzzi sized deep fat fryer and deep fry their turkey.  But, it wasn’t just a family affair… their neighbors would come over too… and for the price of a case of beer and good company, they could drop their turkey in as well.

For some reason, I really like this story… and the idea of deep frying a Turkey sounded interesting to me.  So while I healed, keeping myself subdued with pain killers I dreamt of my very own deep fried chicken.

When I had a bit more strength, I ventured out and I bought the largest fry daddy I could find: “The Fry Granddaddy”… and I put on the counter of my kitchen.  And when the time came… when I could stomach the idea of chewing… I dropped a whole chicken into my Fry Granddaddy.  And I ate the whole chicken in one sitting.

What?  Don’t look at me that way… I hadn’t eaten solid food for almost two months!

Now a days, chicken is my favorite food… although I’m no longer deep frying them… I’m a sucker for a good roasted chicken… or a smoked chicken on the grill.  That’s just heaven.

Heaven.

Day 759: The Chair, Part 18 – The Calming of the Masses

You know?  Some people are just so impatient.  Has anyone looked at the comments on my post a few days ago regarding Kerry?  Well, Kerry herself comments about two issues:

1.       “I have to say I'm a little freaked out as to why the post about me is highlighted in white when no one else's is”

Well Kerry, it’s because you’re special… and you’re the only female in the group… “Really?”  “No, not really.” 

Now, some of you are probably going back in time to find the post to see what she means by “highlighted in white”… well… Don’t bother.  It’s not there.  I fixed it. 

However, I bet some of my loyal Happener’s (Yes!  I’ve named you!) know exactly what Kerry is talking about.  A few months ago I was plagued by this bizarre white highlighting of my posts… and it took me a while to figure out what was going on. 

Anyway, it probably doesn’t come by a huge surprise that Microsoft was the culprit.  You see, I write all of my posts in MS Word and then I copy and paste them into BlogSpot once I “edit” them. 

A few months ago… and I am not sure why… Word started doing something funny.  When I copy and paste from Word into BlogSpot, it started copying Words Formatting, and for some reason, the formatting includes a white background behind the text.  It’s very strange.  I didn’t actually figure it out until I started reading the HTML code on BlogSpot.

Anyway, I’ve tried to remove it in Word, but nothing works.  I’ve tried the “fancy” Clear Formatting button.  Didn’t work.  I’ve tried changing the background color to Transparent.  Didn’t work.  So, finally… I’ve started using the most basic work-around there is: MS NotePad.  NotePad by design clears all formatting from text… so I copy from Word to NotePad to BlogSpot.  It’s a lot of work and a pain in my rear… but it works… when I remember to do it.

Now you know.

2.       “And you've left out the part where your absurdly long friends have become friends with each other.”

This is very true.  VERY true in fact.  And well… Kerry… you jumped the gun a little.  Today I was going to start telling Costello Crossover stories:

·         The night Costello, Justin and I built a set in his driveway by lamp light.

·         The first time Costello, Justin, and I stole the PUPPET HEAD and gave it to Dan and Chris sparking a feud between drama clubs.

·         The crazy movie trivia night when Costello, Kerry, and Josh all converged on my house for my Birthday Party.

Remember what I said when I began this saga? 

“All six people I will tell you about over the next few days know Costello.  And I am sure they understand where I am coming.”

There are countless crossover stories… and not just including Costello… Another friend from high school, named Debbie, ended up meeting Kerry and now they keep in better touch with either other than I do. 

Last time we were in NY, Dan ended up meeting one of Serena’s friends from PeaceCorp, and to the best of my knowledge they have stayed in touch as well.   

It goes on and on and on.  What did I say last week?  “Friendship is very important”.  It should not surprise anyone that my close friends have since forged their own friendships with each other. 

Countless crossover stories…

Over the next few days I’m going to tell you some about Costello... all this might seem unimportant or unrelated to the saga of “The Chair”… but this is all just part of the build.  Costello is key and the payoff is going to be priceless.

Trust me.

Day 758: The Chair, Part 17 - The Costello

Finally!  I know, right?

A whole week about friendship and we’re finally there… the whole point: Costello, the man who was ‘lucky’ enough to spend his London vacation with me… in January… shopping for a rocking chair at IKEA.  Lucky him, right?

I met Costello about 17 years ago… at HIS birthday party.  I had seen him around school, but didn’t really know him all that well.  I actually found him a bit stand-offish… quickly, I realized it was because he is incredible introverted (at least until you get to know him).  My invitation to Costello’s surprise birthday party came from my then girl-friend who was actually closer friends with Costello’s older brother… which is a pretty key aspect of our friendship.

You see, in our families, Costello and I are both the youngest of two boys and our older brothers were total rock-stars in High School… across the board.

My brother, who is six years older than me, was on the Varsity Wrestling Team, Math Team, and he was an Allstate level Saxophone player.  During his senior year, he was 1^st chair Allstate Tenor Sax player and 6^th chair Allstate Alto, which means he was deemed the best Tenor Sax player and the 6^th best Alto Sax player in the state of Georgia that year.

Costello’s brother, who is four years older than him, pretty much mirrored my brother.  He was on the Varsity Football team, Show Choir, and Drama Club… If memory serves me correctly, Costello’s brother won best actor at the region One-Act competition his senior year… and I’m pretty sure the play, “Lend Me a Tenor” took second place over all.  I think it’s still the most successful showing Pope High School’s drama club has ever had at the annual competition… but a lot of time has passed and I could be wrong.

My point is this: Both Costello and I knew what it was like to live in the shadows of our brothers.  Everyone one knew who we were.  Our teachers knew who we were before we even sat down in class; the administration knew who we were when we were walking down the halls… and most importantly the upperclassmen ALL knew who we were… we were EVERYONE’s honorary “little” brothers. 

The notoriety came in handy for things like rides home from school (I took the bus home only once in my three and a half years of High School).   However, the notoriety had its annoying draw backs too… especially for two relatively quiet guys.  Neither of us were as outgoing as our brothers, neither of us were as studious as our brothers, and neither of us were as talented as our brothers.  For us, High School was not simply about making a name for ourselves… no… we couldn’t do that until we broke free of our brothers reputations… and it took a while.

So, at Costello’s birthday party, surrounded by his brother’s friends… and me.  We bonded over a game of Trivial Pursuit.  And 17 years later, he is my closest friend. 

My boys call him ‘Uncle Jeff’.  A name he has certainly earned… as you will soon find out.

Day 757: The Chair, Part 16 - The Friendships, Part 7 = Josh

The final friend I want to tell you about, before getting into Costello, is Josh.  Now, Josh and I don’t talk as much as I would like anymore… a few years back we broke a cardinal rule… we mixed business and friendship.

14 years ago on my birthday, Dan called me up a couple hours before my party and asked, “Do you mind if I bring a couple friends.”  “Not at all, any friend of yours is a friend of mine.”    And no truer words have ever been spoken… except for that picnic when my mom said, “I don’t think this mayonnaise is good anymore.”  But, that’s a very different story.

Anyway, Dan brought two people.  Eric, who I already knew (we went through High School Marching Band together) and Josh… who I had never met before.  That night Josh and I became instant friends and pretty much hung out exclusively for the next few days, until winter break ended and I left to go back to Charleston.

Later that year, Josh organized a trip to come visit me in Charleston.  That next summer, when Star Wars Episode One was realized, Josh bought out an entire movie theatre on opening day just for friends and family, and we tailgated that whole afternoon in the movie theatre parting lot.  Not in costume… just a football style tailgate.  Josh shares my love for the absurd.

One VERY funny aspect about our tailgating adventure: We had made a pact NOT to see the movie until our private theatre showing… however, neither of us could wait… and separately, we both, went to a midnight showing the night before… and then spent our whole day tailgating pretending we hadn’t seen the movie.  We came clean with each other about two years later… our confessions caused hysterical laughter.

In addition Josh was a big fan of my themed Birthday Parties.  The night we met was my Mob themed Birthday… however; my personal favorite was my “Heroes of the Cold War and Red Scare” Birthday.  I sent all of my out invitation as Fidel Castro; Josh arrived as Joseph Stalin and stayed in character all night. 

Overtime, I have realized the key to my friendship with Josh hinged on never living in the same city.  A few months before I left Charleston and moved back to Atlanta, Josh moved back to Birmingham.  We still visited a lot and Josh always made it to my birthday parties.  And finally, when Josh was looking for a change of scenery, I had an opportunity.

You see, Josh is an amazing visual artist.  With his focus on new digital media’s and passion for the fantasy genre, Josh was a perfect fit for teaching children’s art classes at the arts educational center I used to work at.  Business was booming.  So, I recruited him and he moved back to Atlanta. 

Josh was a natural and quickly developed a following and some really amazing classes… however, over time, the communities interest in art classes peaked and began to fade… and Josh was left without enough students to keep teaching… and it wasn’t just Josh… there was an across the board drop in class registrations.  And in the end, Josh couldn’t afford to stay and moved back to Birmingham. 

We haven’t talked as much as I would like since he left.

Day 756: The Chair, Part 15 – The Friendships, Part 6 = Kerry

14 years ago I met Kerry, or as my kids know her, ‘Aunt Krazy’. 

Kerry is my dearest friend from college, and avid reader of this blog,

I first met Kerry on the infamous ‘Couches’ on the Theatre floor at the college of Charleston, during my first week of college. 

I started mid-year fresh out of high school… just days after my 18^th birthday (I graduated from HS a semester early and immediately moved out of state and started school). 

At the time, I had never moved before… and I had never been in a situation where I had no friends… I didn’t know anyone.  So, since I couldn’t stand my roommate Creep-Monkey, I decided to sit on the ‘Couches’ until I met someone… I sat there for a couple days… until finally someone spoke to me… and someone finally did… well… not so much spoke TO me… or even introduced themselves to me… but more talked ABOUT me… in a very sarcastic snarky way.  I looked up… and I dished it back.  That someone was Kerry and we have been friends ever since. 

You know?  Having someone like Kerry on your best friends list is pretty rocking because it’s humbling.  Kerry knew me in college… which pretty much means she knew me at my worst… a binge drinking drunken mess of a man.  Kerry’s held my head when I was sick… talked me down when my heart was broken… and is hands down the best stage manager I have EVER worked with.  Oh, and she’s the best darn airport shuttle drive I’ve ever had (She picked me up when I arrive in Charleston in June and took me for a shrimp and grits breakfast!)  Hurray!

Furthermore, Kerry is the kind of friend you can count on.  No matter where we are, Aunt Krazy sends birthday presents for the boys… and is there to cheer us on. 

And most importantly, she’s there to push me forward.  Closer to my dream.  I’ve always wanted to write a novel… it’s a personal goal of mine, whether I get published or not doesn’t really matter… I just want to finish a novel… and Kerry is there to push me along… keep me focused… to use this year away from my family productively… what better time to right then now, right?  When I’m cooped up in Pakistan with nothing to do?

Yep.

Kerry is the kind of friend that can share YOUR dream as if it is her own.  And that is special.

Okay, okay!  Alright Kerry!  I’ll stop blogging and start writing!  Cut me some slack!  I’ve only been here for a week and a half!