Day 1195: The Chair, Part 38 – The Unbearable Awesomeness of Costello

Yes Becky… Costello is awesome.  And to be completely honest, this chapter of ‘The Chair’ was going to be called ‘The Bottle of Booze’, but your comment inspired me… yes… if nothing else, ‘The Chair’ should be a testament to Costello’s commitment and loyalty.  However, Costello is also the guy who made me watch ‘The Room’ during my home leave… which was probably the worst movie I’ve ever seen in my life… and he made me watch it on purpose… so… for that… I hate him.  BUT, for the stroller and what he went through to deliver it?  For that, we honor him today.

So yes!  Costello boarded the bus from Manchester to London with no place to store the stroller.  So, he opted to ride holding the stroller on his lap.  Little did he know how long the, normally three and a half hour, trip would take.

The first issue they faced was weather.  Although it wasn’t snowing, it was raining A LOT and the bus drivers were compensating due to lack of visibility and the fear of black ice.  Costello called me about an hour into the trip and he estimated they were probably going a little faster than half the normal speed limit.  And based on his calculations we estimated the three and a half hour trip would take about five hours.  For most people this would be death… but Costello is pretty easy going and pretty much said he was enjoying his ‘tour of the British countryside’… and then he said something about the ‘damn stroller’ on his lap… but I had already tuned him out.

Anyway… it looked like the bus ride was going to take longer than normally expected… which is understandable when traveling by bus… however, an hour later Costello called me again… and well… apparently we overlooked something; our five hour estimate was going to be on the low side.

You see… two hours into the bus ride everyone was a bit tired, however they were in good spirits.  Like Costello, they had accepted the fact the trip would probably take five hours… but then… then the bus drivers pulled over and informed the passengers they would be taking their mandated one-hour break.

Yeah… so… you see… apparently, bus drivers in England have to take an hour break after ever two hours of driving.  At least that is what THESE bus drivers claimed… I haven’t been able to verify this as an official policy though.  Costello and I figure these guys were being paid by the hour and were milking it. 

Anyway… you do the math.  We estimated the trip at five hours… so there were going to be at least two hours worth of breaks scattered into the timetable. 

As you can imagine, the passengers didn’t take the news very well.  Even Costello sounded pretty melancholy when we talked during the first rest stop.  However… when he called me from their second ‘mandatory’ pit-stop his spirits seemed up… mainly due to the consumption of ‘spirits’.

Apparently when the road weary travelers re-boarded the bus after the first stop… a few of them broke open their duty free bags.  And well… let’s just say bottles started getting passed around and the somber mood of the bus became more social.  Folks began swapping stories and singing songs… and once they had imbibed enough… like yourself… the passengers on the bus clambered to hear one story in particular.  They wanted to know why the hell Costello had a stroller on his lap… and with one more swig of Jack straight from the bottle… Costello told them… and it was awesome.

Day 1192: The Chair, Part 37 – The Stroller, Part ‘Who Cares’

Now, there is an element of Costello’s story that I’ve been ignoring.  And in case you have forgotten, it is now time for a reminder: throughout his entire trip, Costello has been carting around our new stroller.

http://www.amazon.com/Graco-SnugRider-Infant-Stroller-Frame/dp/B0007KMUH4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1319471839&sr=8-1

He was bringing it to us in London because the box was too large to ship through our diplomatic mail service, and in addition, Costello had done a fancy two-step in Atlanta to get the stroller on the plane for free, without actually traveling with a child justifying the need for the stroller.  This is a very important distinction because I was once charged for checking a car seat when I wasn’t traveling with Grayson.

So… imagine if you will… a man in his early thirties… carrying a knapsack… looking like your average American backpacker… getting off an airplane and wandering around the Manchester airport for a couple hours pushing an empty stroller.

Well… let’s just say… it rose more than a couple eyebrows.  Nothing major… nothing particularly blog worthy… however he was asked where his child was so many times by airport security that he decided fold up the stroller and carry over his shoulder rather than have to explain how he’s the world greatest friend one more time.

Anyway, once the British Transportation Authority gave their ‘all clear’ for the passengers of Costello’s flight to clear customers and take possession of their checked baggage… it caused… well… it caused a few more issues.  Most importantly… it caused a significant space issue on the busses. 

You see, prior to the release of their checked baggage, when American Airline thought they would be forced to transport everything to London before folks would be allowed to clear customs, they hired a separate box truck to take the luggage.  A truck they no longer needed once the passengers got their hot little hands on their luggage!

So, American Airlines canceled the box truck and instructed the passengers to take their luggage on the busses.

Well… this is all fine and dandy… except they had only hired two busses with just enough seats for all the passengers.  And if you are familiar with bus travel you will know that busses have far less cargo space than airplanes AND considerably less overhead and under-seat space as well.

So… rather than describing in great detail how they quickly ran out of space for luggage… let me just throw out the word ‘sardines’ and move on. 

Honestly, the only reason they were able to get all of their luggage on the busses at all is because a handful of the passengers, who were actually headed to Manchester anyway, changed their rental car pick-up location and departed immediately after clearing customs. 

However… gaining those few seats weren’t enough to save Costello from his fate… to ride in a bus from Manchester to London with a stroller on his lap.

But then again… it’s only a three and a half hour drive, right?

You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you?

Day 1187: The Chair, Part 36 – The Checked Baggage

I’m glad it took me a couple days to pen this next segment of Costello’s journey to London, mainly because of Pauline’s comment on my last post:  “I just love the real world implementation of what seem originally like reasonable rules and regulations.”

Yes… well… it didn’t just stop with passport control… those seemingly ‘reasonable rules and regulations’ continued being tested by the practicalities of implementation.

This time, it was Costello’s checked baggage.

You see folks; Costello wasn’t simple ushered off the plane, through passport control and onto a bus destined for London… no… the ushering stopped after passport control… at which time the WAITING started once again.  Costello waited in the Manchester airport for almost two MORE hours, all the while he and his fellow passengers were told that they were waiting for the busses to arrive.  Well… that was only part of the story. 

You see… checked baggage is a funny thing.  Especially when it comes to who is liable for the baggage.  Despite what we’ve seen with United and their treatment of guitars, in theory, when you check your bags with an airline, they take over the chain of custody of your bags, thus becoming liable for them. 

Apparently, American Airline didn’t want to be liable for Costello’s bags while they were being transported from Manchester to London.  And frankly, I don’t blame them. 

American Airlines felt it was unreasonable for them to maintain control of the bags since they would be forced to hand them over to a third party mover in order to adhere to a British Transportation Authority policy.  In short, for almost two hours American Airlines was insisting the British Transportation Authority either take custody of the passengers checked bags during transport to London, OR, let their passenger’s clear customs in Manchester. 

In the end… after milling about for quite some time, Costello and his fellow passengers were called to baggage claim and were allowed to clear customs… and then… and only then… were they allowed to board the busses… busses that had been parked outside for over an hour and a half.

Day 1185: SchutzHappens, June – September, 2011 – On the Road to Find Out

I know, I know… I promised not to post anything that wasn’t directly related to ‘The Chair’ until the saga was finished… but… come on… you can’t expect me NOT to post my monthly family video (that I haven’t done for four months)!… it’s not like I’m interrupting the story to post a video of a ninja answer questions!

Day 1180: The Chair, Part 35: The Stroller, Part 8 – The Diverted Flight and the Facebook Fan Page

When we last heard from our hero and stroller schleper, Costello, his flight destined for London, England was diverted to Manchester because of “snow”… snow that wasn’t actually falling from the sky… or sticking to the ground… it was simply the idea of “snow”.  And to Londoner’s, it was a very scary idea indeed.

As for me… I walked to work… never once encountering a snow flurry or a patch of ice.

Over the next few hours Costello and I stayed in pretty close contact… all the while… Costello and his merry band of plane-mates continued to sit in their seats on the Manchester tarmac.

It was really quite something, at least from my perspective.  When they landed in Manchester, it was with the intention to wait-out the ‘snow storm’ and fly back to London the first chance they had… at least that is what the flight crew was feeding their passengers. 

About every 20 minutes or so I would received a text message from Costello saying, “We’ve been cleared for takeoff!”  And then about five minutes later I would receive another one saying, “Never mind.” 

This when on for three hours.

Until finally, they told the passengers they would not be flying back to London after all.  Instead US Airways had chartered buses to pick them up and take them back to Heathrow Airport so they could clear passport control and customs.

That’s right… I didn’t stutter.  I really said “passport control” and “clear customs”… in London… a 3 and a half hour drive from Manchester.

Apparently, the United Kingdom has a pretty strict rule about entering the country at your ticketed port of entry.  Since the final destination on Costello’s ticket said “London” he needed to go there to ‘enter the country’.

However, no matter how much a rule like this made sense when pressing ink to page… I don’t think anyone anticipated the logistic of busing a plane load of people through the English countryside in a controlled environment.

Evidently, those logistics were discussed for another hour until finally, the US Airways flight crew announced that passengers would be allowed to disembark and pass though passport control in Manchester… however… their checked luggage would still be bused separately to London. 

So… finally… at around 11:30am… Costello entered the United Kingdom… stroller in hand. 

And to cash in on Costello’s misery, I started a Facebook Fan page called “Costello’s Never Ending Trip to London”… and if you ask Costello… he’ll say is still on his way there now.  “It’s just another detour JP… just another detour.”

Costello’s Travel Time:  14 Hours and 25 Minutes

Day 1171: The Chair, Part 34 - The Procrastination

To my ‘adoring’ fans.  With all my heart.  I apologize.

I have strung you along for too long and enough is enough!  It is time to bring this saga to its rightful triumphant conclusion!

However, to simply slap an ending onto ‘The Chair’ would be unjust to the story and unfair to my readers.  ‘The Chair’ has become legend beyond reason and to honor this legend I must continue where I left off: spinning a seemingly random tale of a man, his best friend, a stroller, Ikea… and ‘The Chair’.

To my loyal fans, my promise to you is this: I will post NOTHING except episodes of ‘The Chair’ until I have completed the saga and given you, the reader, the ending you deserve.

Although… between you, me and the brick wall… I’m afraid you’re in for a letdown.

Now, for the rest of you.

Those of you who haven’t a clue as to what I am talking about… well… all I can say is “Welcome to ‘The Chair’”.  For better or worse… you’re going to hear the meandering tale of ‘The Chair’… a tale so epic a traveling minstrel would need to restring his mandolin eight times before coming to its conclusion. 

You see, over a year ago, on August 1^st, 2010, I started telling a story about a chair I bought from an IKEA in London… and well…  I must have been in a bit of a playful mood because the telling of this story got WAY out of hand… and well… 32 posts later I still hadn’t finished the story… and then… I never finished it. 

The last time I posted an entry bearing ‘The Chair’ moniker in its title was September 15, 2010… and that was just to make fun of a friend who was making fun of how long the story was taking!  I haven’t actually posted anything substantial about ‘The Chair’ since September 4^th, 2010!

Anyway… over the last year I’ve been receiving hate mail from readers who STILL want to hear the end of the story… and now… they get their wish.

So… I would suggest you get take a moment and get acquainted, or reacquainted for that matter, with ‘The Chair’.  Here is a link to all 33 posts so far: http://schutzhappens.blogspot.com/search/label/The%20Chair?updated-max=2010-08-14T05%3A57%3A00-04%3A00&max-results=20

(You will want to scroll down to the end of the page and read UP so you can experience the story from the beginning).

Cheers!  The procrastination is over!  Well… almost…

Coming soon: ‘The Chair’, Part 35: The Stroller, Part 8!

Day 1160: ‘EGOTing’ - A New Beginning

Three years ago I started ‘SchutzHappens’ (schutzhappens.blogspot.com), a blog chronicling my life as a husband, father, and United States Foreign Service Diplomat.  When I started writing, the intent was merely to keep my friends and family back in the States up to date with our travels… however, two years in I discovered ‘SchutzHappens’ was being syndicated (via RSS feeds) on numerous Foreign Service and travel oriented websites… honestly, I had no idea and up until then, I was pretty sure my mother was my only reader.  I was wrong.  Apparently, my musings on fatherhood and life overseas had become quite popular.

However… there is slight problem. 

Although ‘SchutzHappens’ is (seemingly) widely read… the blog itself suffers from a general lack of focus.   Since I didn’t think anyone was reading, I pretty much talk about whatever I want.  And to be completely honest, when I’m not talking about my beautiful wife and amazing kids… or our random misadventures around the world… I have a tendency to write (ad nauseum) about another passion of mine: the entertainment business.  I’ll admit it… I am a complete freak about movies, television, music, and theatre.

As avid ‘SchutzHappens’ readers know, I wasn’t always planning to be Diplomat.  Once upon a time I was an actor.  I was an honest to God working actor (and theatre director)… who got paid for it and everything.    Now, keep in mind, I was mainly a stage actor, so if you’re tempted to ask, “Having you been in anything I’ve seen.”  The answer is more than likely ‘no’.  However, I still got paid for it… but as glamorous as it might sound, theatre work isn’t always stable and I found my life moving into a slightly different direction.  Luckily, my theatre connections opened a lot of doors and I ended up teaching high school theatre and eventually moved into public arts management; which I did for over seven years… before my professional life took a much more dramatic turn and I found myself working overseas.

Anyway, when it comes to ‘SchutzHappens’, over the last year its thematic divide between my new Diplomatic life verses my old Theatrical life has become more and more defined… and as a result ‘SchutzHappens’ now appeals to two very different audiences: those who want to read about my family and our life in the Foreign Service, and those who want to read my overly analytical opinions about the entertainment business.

So… what is my point?  Well… I think it’s time to make a thematic split.  Don’t worry.  ‘SchutzHappens’ isn’t going anywhere.  It will always be my primary blog of about life.  However, it is time to give my entertainment obsession its own home… and that is why I created ‘EGOTing’ (egoting.blogspot.com)… a place to let my movie freak flag fly.

Anyway, if you are reading this on ‘SchutzHappens’, sit tight!  I’ve been back from Pakistan and with my family for two months now, AND we arrived in Paramaribo, Suriname last Friday.  And get this!  Our car, UAB, and HHE from Serbia arrived before we did!  Stay tuned, I have lots of stories to share about our Home Leave, our move, Suriname, Grayson’s first day of school… and an xBox I rebuilt for $32.00.  Oh, and to my ‘Adoring Fan’ who commented on my July 15^th post about ‘The Chair’… you are my number one priority.  The fun starts October 1^st. 

As for ‘EGOTing’… there are less than 100 days left in the year and you know what that means… less than 100 days to qualify for the Oscars.  There are going to be some SERIOUS movies coming out and I live down the street from a movie theatre… that actually screen movies in ENGLISH!!!! 

Sweetness!