Day 824: What Would You Do for a Million Dollars?

The other day someone asked me, “What would you do for a million dollars?” 


Interesting question… I’ve been asked this question before… and just like most people I’ve had very outlandish answers.  But on this day, I really thought about it… and after a minute I responded:


“I don’t know buddy, it only took a couple extra grand to get me to Pakistan… there’s no telling.”


Then I promptly downed a glass of rehydration salt infused water and went to the restroom. 

Day 823: SchutzHappens: September 2010, Half a World Away

Day 822: Hagfish Day?

“WhaleTimes created Hagfish Day last year to ‘celebrate the beauty of ugly.’ Hagfish are the perfect example. These deep-sea scavengers ooze slime — buckets of slime. “

Really?  We need a day of observation for the Hagfish?  Why not just watch Ghostbusters?  Heck, I’d rather watch Ghostbusters 2 before watching this video:

Happy Hagfish day everybody! 

Day 821: State Department, File 649

 I recently discovered the most amazing movie EVER!  


‘State Department: File 649’


Plot Summary: ‘Kenneth Seeley, member of the U. S. State Department's Foreign Service Bureau, and Marge Weldon, a morale worker with the bureau, are assigned to an area in Mongolia dominated by an outlaw warlord.’


Can you say awesome?  


Oh, and I should probably warn you… I love horrible movies.  Mystery Science Theatre 3000 was one of my favorite shows… and well… based on the 4.7 out of 10 stars Internet Movie Database give this movie, couple with the resumes of the people who made it… it’s a pretty safe bet that this film will be ‘craptastic’.


Director:  Sam Newfield, was a B-movie director, with over two hundred and fifty films to his credit, including western classic ‘The Terror in Tiny Town’.  Plus, he directed two movies featured on Mystery Science Theatre 3000:  ‘The Mad Monster’ and ‘I Accuse My Parents’.


Producer: Sigmund Neufeld.  Don’t like the last names full you, Sigmund is Sam’s brother.  He spent most of his career in the movie industry funneling money to his brother’s projects.

Ummm… yeah… this movie is going to be horribly awesome!

Day 820: The Return of Montevideo?

Continuing from yesterday’s blog entry, out of the six posts to contact me in the last week, the most interesting was the email I received from Montevideo yesterday.


Originally, Montevideo was my #1 choice, however, by the time I had a phone interview with the Deputy Chief of Mission (about a week before Paramaribo worked out) it had dropped to #3 or #4.  The interview went great, the DCM was very nice, and although she made it clear that I was a solid candidate, she was afraid that the timing of my departure from Pakistan hindered my chances, especially since I didn’t already speak Spanish.  If they went with me, the combination of my Pakistan departure date, home leave, and language training would have left the position in Montevideo vacant for six to eight months.  This was a perfectly understandable reason to pass on The Schutz.  So, I forgot about Montevideo… until yesterday, when I received this:


“Mr. Schutz, this is to inform you that your Montevideo bid is still under serious consideration.  With that in mind, we would like to know how we rate with you.  That is, would you be able to rank Montevideo among your bids for us?  Thanks.”


WOW!  Right?  I was floored.  I was pretty much told they couldn’t offer me the job, but now this.  Either they were having a hard time filling the position or they liked what they got back from my 360 review (reference check).  


So, just as I do for all the posts who have reached out to me, I always write back to say ‘thank you:


“Thank you for the email.  Once upon a time Montevideo had been my number one, but when I interviewed for the position with the DCM, it sounded like my timing and lack of language were insurmountable obstacles.  In the end, I accepted an early handshake to Paramaribo.”


Then I got this:


“Hi John:  Thanks for your message.  When you get a little more time in the FS you will see that very few administrative obstacles are insurmountable.  I’m delighted that you’ve found a nice situation for yourself.   Good luck.”


Lol!  No truer words have been spoken.  If only Montevideo knew what I did to get Paramaribo!  

Day 819: Bidding Interest

The bidding process for State Department jobs is pretty funny.  Except for when they tried to take Paramaribo off the list, I was pretty relaxed about the whole thing.  I wish I could say the same about Serena.


Serena was a woman possessed, and why not?  I wasn’t just applying for a job; we were also choosing where we were going to live for the next three years.  However, Serena wasn’t really worried about WHERE we’d end up… she was just obsessed with me getting a handshake.


Since I’m coming out of Pakistan, I’m eligible for an ‘early handshake’ (job offer).  Normally, posts are not allowed to offer jobs until after the bidding cycle ends, which is always mid to late October (and that date is normally pushed back to sometime in November).  However, for bidders eligible for ‘early handshakes’, we can be offered jobs two weeks into the bidding process, early to middle September.


When ‘early handshake’ season opened, Serena went crazy.  She couldn’t understand why I hadn’t been offered a job… she couldn’t understand why posts weren’t getting back to me… and she spooked herself so much that she started reshaping our bid list ever two or three days.  Wanting me to reach out and send my resume to more and more posts.  


Now, I am an incredibly lucky man to have a wife as supportive and confident of my talents as Serena.  However, at one point I had to tell her that I wasn’t going to contact any more posts for at least a week, if not two.  We had to chill.


I had a theory.  Out of all the countries in the world, only the folks serving in three are eligible for ‘early handshakes’ (Iraq, Afghanistan, and Pakistan).  So, was it realistic to assume the hiring managers for other countries knew or even cared about ‘early handshakes’?  No.  Posts are not required to give ‘early handshakes’ to interested parties… so why would they?


As a manager ‘early handshakes’ don’t make sense.  Why would I offer you a job before I had a chance to see the entire applicant pool?  So, this is why I had to call a time out… we had to chill.  And a few days after this is when everything worked out with our #1 choice, Paramaribo, and we received the coveted ‘early handshake’.


Now, that’s not the end of the story.  The most interesting thing that has transpired in the last week, as bidding season is drawing to a close, is the number of posts who have contacted me wanting interviews: Six, to be exact.


Well… I think we’ll be a little more relaxed next time.

Day 818: Fall in Pakistan

It’s still very hot over here.  Fall is actually my favorite season… and it’s not just because the new television season starts… I like the change in weather too.  I’ve been curious about fall though, so I decided to ask one of the local Pakistani employees I’ve become friendly with.


Me: “Hey, we’re halfway into October, do you guys have fall around here?”


Todd: “Fall sir?  Like the season?”


Me: “Yes, fall.”


Todd: “It is fall now, sir.  It is cooler out is it not.”


Me: “Yes, I guess it’s cooler in the evening, but it’s not cool enough to break out my super awesome Member’s Only jacket.”


Todd: “Oh, yes sir, it will get cooler… we have fall sir, but it will come in about a month.”


Me: “In a month?”


Todd: “Yes, sir.  In a month it will be very cool and the leaves will change colors.”


Me: “Really?  That’s great news Todd.”


Todd: “Mr. JP, you like the fall?  


Me: “Yes, it’s my favorite season.”


Todd: “It is?  You like it when the leave change colors and fall of the tree leaving them naked?”


Me: “Wow, Todd.  You make fall sound better and better all the time.”


Lol.  To Todd’s credit, he’s a sharp cookie and realized what he said immediately.  I had him in stitches with my last line.  You know?  Humor is not one of those things that translate well, even when both parties are native English speakers.  Finally getting a legitimate laugh out of one of our local colleagues… priceless.


Well, fall is upon us!  I hope!