Well, this is officially my forth post about my old Teddy Bear Jo:
1) Day 813: Take Your Teddy Bear to Work Day
2) Day 849: Have a Party with Your Bear Day
3) Day 891: The Best Christmas Present EVER!
I’m pretty amazed that I’ve been able to get this much mileage out of Jo Bear… being that I’m a grown man and all, but as I’ve said before, there is a very special bond between a boy and his bear. And if anyone out there wants to pretend teddy bears are uncool… well, I would beg to differ. Han Solo is the coolest person in the world and he had the coolest teddy wookie in the world! So there!
Yes. I am a total nerd… but I’m cool with that.
Anyway, as strange as it might sound, being reunited with Jo Bear this past Christmas was really awesome and I was actually planning to bring him back to Pakistan with him… just to have a friendly face in my big lonely house. But, as it turns out, Jo Bear and I were reunited for a reason and he was unable to make the trip because he had a much nobler mission to attend to.
Well before I ever posted about Jo Bear on SchutzHappens, I had spoken of him as legend when Grayson asked me if I ever had a teddy bear when I was a little boy. And Jo Bear must have made an impression because Grayson has two teddy bears named Jo-Jo and Jo-Gee, in honor of my, then, lost Jo Bear.
On Christmas morning Grayson was super excited for me to open Jo Bear and after the joyous reunion Grayson took to sleeping with Jo Bear and named him daddy of all his stuffed animals.
Now, I never openly declared ownership of Jo Bear and I never told Grayson that the idea of taking Jo Bear with me to Pakistan was floating around in my head… mainly because I never had too. Even though Gray was getting pretty attached, he would always recognize Jo Bear as mine and not his… and a couple times in conversation Gray would refer to ‘when Daddy and Jo Bear go back to Pakistan”… he just knew. Jo Bear is dads, so it makes sense that he goes with Dad.
Well, when it came time to pack may bags in anticipation of my trip back I found Jo Bear in Grayson’s bed... and I left him there.
While I packed, Grayson came to visit and we talked for a while, which it was really nice and at some point Grayson left to get something from his room… then he shouted, “DAD!” And I heard his little footsteps running back into my room, “Dad! You almost forget Jo Bear!”
Me: “Oh thank Godness! Thank you buddy!”
Gray: “Silly dad, you can’t leave Jo behind, he’s your bear!”
Me: “I know, right? Do you think he’s going to like Pakistan?”
Gray: “Yeah… I think he’ll like it a lot because you’re going to be there and you are friends.”
I put Jo Bear aside, not in my luggage… I still hadn’t decided what I was going to do with him… but then my mind was made up for me…
Gray: “Dad? Can I ask you a question?”
Me: “Sure buddy.”
Grayson: “I know that Jo Bear is really excited to go to Pakistan because he loves you and hasn’t seen you for a long time, but you know? Jo Bear loves me a lot too because I’m your son.”
Me: “I know, Jo Bear and I have known each other for a really long time and he was so excited when he came back and found out I had two amazing boys for him to play with. He told me that.”
Gray: “I know… dad?”
Me: “Yeah buddy?”
Gray: “Dad, I think I’m going to be really lonely while you and Jo Bear are in Pakistan together. I’m going to miss you both a lot.”
I stopped what I was doing and picked Gray up onto my lap. “Hey man… I’m going to miss you too. A lot! But you know what?”
Gray: “What?”
Me: “Well, last night I was talking to Jo Bear and he said he really liked you… a lot.”
Gray: “I like Jo Bear a lot too.”
Me: “Well, Jo Bear told me if you wanted, he’d like to stay here and keep you company while I’m away.”
Gray: “Really?”
Me: “Yeah, would you like that? If Jo Bear stayed here with you?”
Gray: “Yes, I would like that a lot. Then I won’t be so lonely while you are away. When I miss you I can just hug Jo Bear.”
Me: “Yeah, you can totally hug Jo Bear when you miss me… and you know what?”
Gray: “What?”
Me: “You know how Jo Bear and I have known each other for a REALLY long time, right?”
Gray: “Yes, he was your bear when you were little.”
Me: “Yeah, he was my bear and when I was little I used to hug Jo Bear all the time. And you know what happens when a little boy hugs his bear and loves his bear with all of his heart?”
Gray: “What?”
Me: “Well, when a little boy REALLY loves his bear with all of his heart something magical happens… part of that love floats out of the little boy’s heart and into the bear, where that love grows into a real heart for the bear.”
Gray: “Like the Velveteen Rabbit?”
Me: “Kinda, except the Velveteen Rabbit became completely real and could hop around the forest… but for Jo Bear, it’s only his heart that is real… he might not be able to hug back, but his love is real because Jo Bear and I share a heart.”
Grayson gave Jo Bear a big hug, laughed, and looked at me, “I’m hugging you!”
True story… one I had actually forgotten for a while. But, I remembered it this week while talking to Grayson on Skype.
For the last month, since right around his 5th birthday, Grayson has become more and more melancholy regarding my absence. Generally, for the past eight months or so, Grayson only actively participated in about two of my seven (plus) Skype calls per week, at which time I was lucky to get 10 minutes of his attention. Which is totally understandable… he’s really young.
But over the last month, he’s been THE active participant every day. Even if he has a friend over he drops everything to come talk to me. When his friends aren’t around he wants to talk while working on a puzzle or legos. He has become partial to having the computer all to himself, away from Serena and Gilliam, so we can talk uninterrupted and our conversations are now lasting between 30 minutes to an hour.
He has started initiating the ‘Squeeze’ and the ‘Computer Hug’, two special “I love you” signs I made up for us over Skype. I had always initiated and we had stopped doing them for quite some time, but Grayson started using them again out of nowhere and he uses them a lot, having now invented the ‘Double Squeeze’ and the ‘Super Computer Hug’.
He has even started asking Serena to initiating calls at odd times, like when I’m still at work, and from what Serena says, he has gotten pretty mad if he can’t talk to me. I’ve told her to let him call my cell phone, I’m working 12 hour days… I would love a break to talk to my son, who wouldn’t?
AND, Serena told me his prayers have started to become more aware of his feeling, “Dear God, please help me be happy and have fun with my friends even though daddy isn’t here…” Yeah, that one cuts deep.
Serena says not to worry, “He’s still the same happy, fun loving negotiator he’s always been… he’s just hyper aware and really missing his dad… He’s not depressed; he’s just hit that ‘enough is enough’ wall, and is ready for this year to be over.”
I tend to agree… I LOVE the fact that Grayson is expressing himself so well. I hope this is a level of communication we’re able to maintain for the years to come.
But, as for now, I’ve only got one more month before my next R&R and after that, only 10 more weeks.
We can do it buddy! We’re almost done!
No comments:
Post a Comment