Day 747: The Chair, Part 6 – The Ides of March

As Costello and I stepped onto the second train I remembered something.  I had been so caught-up in my story about the glider chair I had forgotten the frightening purpose of our trip.  We were going to Ikea.


Nothing good ever comes from a trip to Ikea.  Yet, I was on my way… again.


This was only my second trip to an Ikea store, my first trip was almost two years prior, in Atlanta.  And that experience left me with… well… all I can say is this:  Ikea is officially the second scariest place on Earth… just behind Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.


I don’t know why, but people seem to lose their minds when they go to Ikea.  It’s as if there is a frequency, kind of like a dog whistle, specially designed for Ikeas shoppers which causes them to lose all reason and sensibility… urging them to purchase modular furniture.  


Evidentially, this is a frequency I am unable to hear.


So, what led me to visit Ikea in the first place?  This is a dumb question because you know it was because of a CHAIR.  It’s ALWAYS about a chair.  I should have known better.  A chair never leads to candy canes and ice cream… only sorrow and deep longing to see sunlight and a good cry.


Anyway, while attending a bar-bq at a friend’s house, Serena and I were admiring a children’s sized arm chair… 


Our Friend Heather: “Oh, isn’t it great?  We got it at Ikea for $20.00, KJ loves it.”


Serena: “Honey, we should get one for Grayson, he would love it, too.”  


Me: “Yeah… we should… you know, I don’t have to work tomorrow, I could take Grayson to get one… I’ve never been to Ikea, so yeah… I’d love to check it out.” 


Soothsayer: “DOOM… DOOM I SAY!!!!  Beware!  Beware the Forbidden City!  Beware the ides---”  


Me: “Heather, why is there a creepy old lady in your back yar--- Yummy, Ribs!  Awesome! This is the best March 4th party I’ve ever attended!”


I should have listened.  But I was foolish. So, so foolish.